Onyx Glare
by littledarkangelhippie
Summary: A lot of people believe they know the story of Sakura Haruno and Sasuke Uchiha, but what if they're all wrong? What if there's a whole "other" life that was never told? This is the alternative to the story we all think we know. *Sasusaku and Gaasaku*
1. Prologue

A question echoed in her mind almost every day for nearly eight years: ___Does he like me? _

Of course, the same thing went through every other girl's mind that ever laid eyes on him. He was that boy every girl wanted, she knew, because she was a part of them, that group that swooned over him. She didn't want to be, shouldn't be, but she was and it hurt, because she knew, ___just knew_, he didn't like her back. But her heart, her stupid, foolish heart, always argued against logic. Her brain told her no, ___no, let it go_, but her feelings, her adoration, always won over. She was young. She'd get over it. Yet the hope remained, maybe she wouldn't have to. ___Maybe he'll grow to like me_. It was, at best, an inane hope, and she already knew it would not come true. Not in a billion years.

Around their cheerful village, while he walked and was lost deep in thought, girls followed him and faithfully vowed that they loved him and no one else. She understood that. She felt the same way. She did the same thing. She shouldn't, but she did, and she knew, ___just knew_, she wouldn't stop liking him until he said straight-out he didn't feel the same. But he made it so obvious without words… It was there in his face and there in his voice. He wanted to be alone, he wanted to be ignored, but while his name was famous, he never would be.

_"Sasuke-kun!"_

The level of shame was sadly low, borderline nonexistent. She didn't know whether that was bad or not, couldn't tell anymore. Every other girl was doing it, and when there was a collective, mutual act amongst a group of people with similar interests, nothing seemed odd or "going too far". So the attempts to become his girlfriend were nothing out of place, nothing to furrow the eyebrows or purse the lips at. Everything she was was perfectly normal. Yet the look in his eyes made her feel almost obsessed, almost crazy. Like what she felt and what she did was wrong. And maybe it was, but she couldn't quite tell anymore.

It was there in his onyx eyes—dark and plagued by inner demons she wished so much she knew of, to help him with—the annoyance, the distaste. She was a nuisance, and he made that clear to her in just about every way. It never came to a verbal reminder until he'd had enough. He was always polite enough not to hurt her feelings intentionally. But the tense shoulders and stiff responses always caused another crack along her heart. If he knew what goes through her mind every time, he would've scoffed. He didn't like her, she knew, but the hope was there and bloomed when an absentminded smile crossed his face, once every blue moon, directed at nothing in particular.

She wished she knew what it was.

She wished it had been her that caused it.

But she was obsessed. She would finally come to terms with that one day.

She had near-followed him home once, after lessons, and, before he could glance back, she had ducked behind a brick wall, into an alleyway. She stood there a moment, her mind blank and breath shallow, and then broke out running to the other side, turning a smooth curve that had been built around a few oddly shaped homes, and came to a stop at the end, slowing to a steady, casual walk as she made her way home. At least she'd found a shortcut home. She brushed back her hair, chewing on her lip thoughtfully. She knew that if she had stayed there, in that alleyway before she had run, he would've caught her. He was fast, she knew, because everyone always talked animatedly about how fast he'd finished the miles or the time he had in the tracks in the Academy. Another perfection to add to his perfection.

In another life, perhaps, she could hate him for breaking her record time. But not in this life. Never in this life.

As they grew older, she noticed a change. Their mindsets were changing. She was beginning to see him as a person, not just an object to obtain. As teammates, they were close. They worked well together. He was strong, and she was intelligent. She had grown to respect him, know him, acknowledge him. And he, she felt, almost felt the same. He wouldn't shove her away anymore, accepted her comfort whenever he was hurt in battle. The accomplishment, she thought, was all she really needed. And that's how she knew she was growing. She didn't need to be his girlfriend anymore. Just as long as she was near him, she was happy.

And yet he still managed to hurt her, if only silently.

He was beautiful. Tall and graceful like no other boy she had ever seen. And when their eyes met, that warm, tingly feeling buzzed through her again. The faintest sense of warmth crossed his normally arrogant face before his gaze flickered away disinterestedly. And she felt another crack. The pain was now dull from the countless of other times.

Her intelligence was highly regarded, but it didn't take a genius to know that the first wound cuts the deepest, hurts the most, and scars the worst… But if you keep adding and adding and adding, you become numb to it… Well, there were so many on her heart that she could no longer distinguish one from the other, but she could tell you every single story. Many people believed she was a foolish little brat, that she knew nothing of pain and hardships. Anyone who watched from a third person would know one story and one story only. Perhaps they'd have different thoughts on it. Perhaps they'd think different things. But it was her story no one knew, the story behind closed doors. She'd never be able to tell his story. But she didn't have to. Not anymore.

This is the story of how she fell in and out of love with Sasuke Uchiha.

~~...~~...~~

******A.N.********: Okay, so previously this was under the "Sasuke and Sakura" pairing, but a lot of readers (either in the middle of this story or by the end of it) complained that it shouldn't be, so I put it under just the "Sakura" category because it became apparent that that would be best, and because someone pointed out it would be smarter. Then I thought, "Now I'll piss off less people." But then I realized I could put three pairings, and so I switched it. **

******I'm going to stress this **_****__**a lot **_******later on in this, but take notice of the last line of this Prologue, and make sure to keep that in mind while you read on. Because, yes, this is pretty much what this story is about.**

******Another note: This will get very sad and very depressing, and you just might somewhat hate me. Or maybe not. It's up to you.**

******Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! Please review!**

*******By the way, I'm rewriting this. I kind of hate how it was and the first few chapters, so I'm starting over. Those of you that may have read this before may see the differences. **


	2. Friendship is the First Stage

_**A.N.**__**: Alright, so, as some of you **____**should **__**know, this is my very first fanfic, and I'm currently rewriting it. Which means me briefly skimming through the chapters and editing stuff I didn't like. I may have left errors and I might—might, because I am lazy—correct them. I'm on summer break right now, so it gives quite a long time to fix this. So, bear with me here. **_

_**Right now, they're about nine or ten years old, in this chapter, but the next chapter they'll be twelve and we'll go from there. **_

_**I know a lot of you will say, "Wow, you write Sasuke and Sakura really good," (I've been told before) and thank you, I like that you people think that. Makes me feel like an accomplished writer. But this story isn't necessarily **____**just **__**this couple, as you should guess. Keep that in mind, please. I will, I promise you this, write another fanfic with Sasuke and Sakura as the **____**only **__**couple that is **____**positive **__**(because I have written one, but it's depressing and doesn't end quite well). Trust me, I'm writing it right now on the side. It may take a bit, or perhaps not because I suck with time management, for I am writing like four other stories right now. Takes time.**_

_**Disclaimer**__**: I obviously do not own **____**Naruto**__**. No. I can't.**_

_**Friendship is the First Stage**_

"He says he wants to be Hokage," Ino murmured beneath her breath to me, nodding toward the very loud boy with the electric blonde hair and the lively blue eyes. With her wheat blonde hair pulled out of her lightly tanned face in short pigtails, she was so much prettier. I was faced with a brief moment of insecurity, but I brushed it off as Ino's baby blue eyes trained on my own green ones. I didn't know what to say, didn't know how to act. These early stages of life, this childhood everyone must go through, were a sort of stepping stone to the development of the personality and mentality people have to live with for the rest of their lives. This is the first step to the person you will become, the decision you make will shape who you'll grow to be. Whether you become someone anyone can like and respect is determined by the steps you take. What I say next will change everything.

Taking into account the look on Ino's face, I faked a scoff, "What a loser." Ino broke into a smile, appreciative. The feeling of pride and triumph that filled my body was so tangible that I felt the lazy boy beside me with the strangely fixed dark hair look at me in confusion. Before Ino could reply in what seemed in agreement, there was a chorus of squeals and giggles. I saw a blush stain Ino's rounded cheeks, and I immediately felt a brief flutter of butterflies, which was almost crushed as I heard Tenten mutter, "What's the big deal?" But I said nothing, couldn't really come up with a good enough response. I really didn't know what the big deal ___was. __I_ couldn't explain the feeling I got when I heard his name or saw his face or heard him speak, if only very briefly.

A crowd of girls, all looking like clones in their matching styles—light colors and long hair—followed him as he made his way silently to his desk. I wondered briefly if that was how I looked like to him, a clone, another girl, but I shoved the thought away as I heard him speak. Just a few words of no significant importance, but I filed them away in my mind in the small but slowly growing knowledge of Sasuke Uchiha. With the arrival of our kindly, fatherly teacher who had a very similar hair do as the lazy boy beside me, was the quick scuffling of all the students into their seats.

As always, Naruto, the outspoken blonde boy who wanted to be Hokage…was outspoken. Ignoring him was difficult, and not very manageable, but I made do. Everyone else did, so why couldn't I? And as always, when the teacher called on me, I replied with the right answer, awing everyone in the room. Even, I hoped, Sasuke, who always looked disinterested despite what we were learning. I sighed, wondering, if ever, when I was going to be able to speak to him. The first step to making someone fall in love with you was by getting to know them. We'd never spoken a word to each other.

"See you tomorrow, Sakura!" Ino called as she headed toward her father, who waited, smiling, for his daughter. I waved, and then continued on to my own parents. They were in the middle of a conversation, speaking quietly, so I was forced to stand beside them and wait, kicking up dirt and then wondering if that was at all ladylike. A flash of black in the middle of bright colors caught my eye, and I looked up in the hope of seeing Sasuke. Yep, there he was. But my eyebrows furrowed as I noticed something off. Every single student, no matter what, was with a parent or older sibling or relative of some sort, all laughing and heading home. All but Sasuke, who merely stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked away from the school building, off toward his house. I watched him until he disappeared, mind blank but thoughts stirring.

(s~h~*~s~u )

"___What is the secret behind Sasuke Uchiha?"____I____no asked, arms crossed and lips pursed_. _Sh____e'd gotten so much curvier than me, and much prettier. With her hips cocked to the side and her arms crossed beneath her breasts, she looked like a full grown woman. I clenched my fists, thinking about my morning ritual of examining myself after a shower in the mirror before getting dressed for school, checking for any changes. None. No change whatsoever. And here stood Ino, a goddess of sunlight and seduction, and I, the slow and ugly child._

_I followed Ino's gaze and stiffened. That same flash of heat jolted through me, awakening my body in ways I never knew possible. Thankfully, it happened enough I could control the blush that would've burned my cheeks. And when those black eyes looked up, found mine, and just _stared, I___ quickly turned away, yet could feel his gaze burning into my back. "The world may never know, but that's one of the best parts of Sasuke Uchiha," I murmured, and Ino gave a gentle giggle in agreement. And I felt guilt, keeping such things from my best friend. There was so much more behind his bad boy, silent exterior, a muffled cry for help. But I could never say, never would, because I'd made a promise, and so much would end if I told. And I wasn't ready to let go yet._

(s~h~*~s~u)

It happened while I was at the park. Ino had already been picked up by her parents and so had every other kid but Shikamaru, the lazy boy, and his chubby friend. They sat on the swing sets and talked about whatever it was they talked about. I sat on the edge of a bench, bored, with my chin in my hands, when I saw him. He walked down the hill toward the lake, and disappeared as it curved downwards. Without thinking, I hurried after him, stopping where the hill sloped down. He sat at the end of the pier, feet dangling over the water, staring out at the sparkling water as the sun set, casting gentle colors across the sky, making him a silhouette, making him seem just a little like the mysterious boy every girl worshiped.

Now I fully understood why every girl liked Sasuke so much. I felt a great wave of curiosity, yearning to know just exactly who Sasuke was. But there was this invisible wall, one I could almost touch, almost feel, standing before me. I couldn't push through it. It was too thick, too strong for me. Yet I knew, little by little, I'd be able to take it down and reach Sasuke. All I needed was a little push. All I had to do was to take the initiative.

"S… Sasuke-kun," I whispered. I could feel something roaring within me. His name echoed through my mind. I had to say it, speak, let him know I was there. This was my only chance, I knew. That thought propelled me forward. Cupping my hands around my mouth, I called, "Sasuke-kun!"

He looked back at me, black eyes regarding me in confusion. I was blushing, breathing slowly, frozen where I was as I waited for his reaction. He did not smile, did not wave, only nodded in acknowledgment. But in that still moment, I silently asked if I could join him. Perhaps he'd heard me, through some strange communication, and he accepted. The slow and steady walk down to the pier made me stronger with every step. ___The first step to making someone fall in love with you is by getting to know them._

"I'm Sakura Haruno," I greeted warmly, a gentle smile on my face. He didn't look me straight in the eye at first, but when he did, he really did. I felt my heart skip a beat, my breath grow shallow as he examined my face, my expression, my eyes, my features, and my thoughts, and then, so slightly I thought I imagined it, he gave me a smile.

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha," he replied, and we shook hands. Friendship was always the very first stage. And the climb, I knew, would be worth it.

(s~h~*~s~u)

"___Why do you like snakes so much?" I asked, eyes on his hands as he lightly caressed the scales and tapped the side of the glass cage rhythmically. I fluttered my fingers over papers strewn across the wooden floor I sat on, dipping a fine-tipped brush in black ink, ink that matched his eyes and hair, and puzzling over what to paint on the rice paper I laid before me._

"___Gently," he murmured. I glanced up at him, but knew exactly what was happening. I wrote the Kanji Symbol and awaited the rest of his words. "Rain falls down on me, washing away the memories of my life from long ago…" I heard him slide the top back onto the glass cage, the padding of his bare feet on the wood floor, and then felt his presence behind me. He knelt down and looked over my shoulder. "You have a gift, Sakura." I smiled to myself. He sat down, bringing a piece of paper closer, picking a paintbrush from the box that was once a beautiful royal blue but was now a faded cerulean, dipping it in black ink. "Teach me."_

_I took his hand, trying to ignore the sudden jolt of heat that shot through me as our skin met, and steadily wrote his name, and then my own. It looked almost perfect, almost as if it were meant to be, those two words written so near one another, as if they'd been made just for one another, but something was off. Perhaps it was an unsmooth curve where it shouldn't have been, or maybe even a thicker stroke than was needed, but something, and I didn't know what, was off. But I saw his lips, lovely and full, twitch ever so slightly, and his beauty made me push my doubts away as I smiled back._

_It was all in my head. It had to be._

(s~h~*~s~u)

At school, he ignored me. I didn't understand it, but I never asked why. After spending time with him the day before at the pier, after small talk and light jokes, he was back to pretending he didn't know me. I'd grown used to it. We always met up at sunset, down by the same pier, and talked about nothing in particular. We parted ways as my father called my name to take me home, and promised to meet again. The first few days, I tried to talk to him at school after that first time, but he always responded curtly, like he did to everyone else, yet ignored me for the most part. I never brought it up when we met up, and neither did he. So it must've been nothing. Maybe he'd get over it soon.

Once, when our class had been outside in the field, the wind had blown back my short pink hair, catching Sasuke's eyes, who sat beneath a tree way across the meadow. He stared for a moment, eyes expressionless, looking thoughtful, before he went back to playing with a fluffy dandelion. Ino, who'd been sitting in front of me, said, "You look good with your hair back." After a moment, she untied the ruby red ribbon around her wrist and brushed my hair back. She then slipped the ribbon under the pink tresses and tied a bow at the top, and finally turned the ribbon until the bow was beneath my hair, hidden away. "There, you look pretty."

_Did I not look pretty before? _"You really think so?" I asked, shoving away my venomous thoughts, hands lightly touching my hair. Ino nodded, self-assured. And when I glanced back at Sasuke, I noticed him staring again. I blushed before hiding my face behind my hands as Ino rambled on about boys and flowers.

_Do you find me pretty, Sasuke-kun?_

~~...~~...~~

**A.N.****: Yes, first person now. Ignore it if I made a mistake, I ain't going back. Or maybe I will...**

**The beginning of Sasuke and Sakura, yeah. **

**Now, it wasn't that I hated how this story turned up. I just wanted to clear up some stuff, because these first few chapters are...inconsistent with the rest of the story. And, it's been **_**months**_** since I've completed this and, believe me, I reread all of it and realized, "Oh, crap, I got better at writing." If you've read my naruhina, "**_**Blue Paintings and White Lilies**_**", then you know exactly what I mean. If you haven't, go ahead an take a read, it's only two chapters (**_**long **_**chapters, but I'm happy with them). I'm actually going to add another chapter to it, so yeah. Soon. But, yeah, it has a lot of descriptive details and whatnot and I look at all my other stories and I'm like, "Well then."**

**And I know, this is my first fanfic, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. But I really wanted to make a **_**really **_**good story for you guys and this is about as close as I could get back then. This is now. We're improving.**

**Anyway, on to the next chapter. Please review and enjoy this rewrite!**


	3. Promise

******A.N.********: Alright, we already established this is my first fanfic ever on this site, and I'm rewriting, blah, blah, blah... ********Okay, so I need to make some things clear. Originally, I was going to make this story about real life, an AU, basically. It was going to be about Sakura and Sasuke in the world today, living normal lives, in high school and whatnot. But then I decided that it wouldn't really work out. So, there's the brief back story of that. Another thing, no one but Sasuke and Sakura know about their relationship. This story will be mostly Sakura's story, her feelings on both growing up in the Shinobi world and her relationship with Sasuke, but there will be an occasional Sasuke in there, as well. And, yes, Gaara, too. He is also a part of all this shenanigans. There will be a little bit of lemon in this story (not this chapter!), not really explicit, because I suck at them and I am incredibly shy at posting that stuff up for the world to see, but there will be cussing and some violence, because they are still ninjas. You'll notice I'll move things a little fast but that's because I want to focus on only those two for now. And, yes, this will get cheesy.**

**__****This ********chapter, and perhaps the next one are of Sakura learning more about Sasuke and realizing there's more to him than meets the eye. **

******Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters.**

******Promise**

He didn't like sweet things. He was serious and had a mostly cynical point of view of the whole world and its workings. But he was affectionate when he wanted to be. He'd lean his head on my shoulder a while, play with my long hair, intertwine our fingers between us, or even wrap an arm around my shoulders as he leaned me toward him. But that was rare. Mostly, he'd tell me about his family and how strong he was getting. I always listened silently because he was Sasuke, and anything Sasuke said was important. Sometimes, he'd ask me how my life was like, and I'd say, "Mostly boring." I'd tell him about my family and my friends, about my daily activities, sans the morning ritual, and describe my room. He listened patiently, drinking everything in, and then quietly murmur things under his breath when I was done.

And always, he'd comment on how lucky I was.

His house was meticulously clean. He knew how to cook for himself and liked tea. He was a boy of simple tastes and never asked me for favors. The first time I went to his home, I had been surprised, and yet not. I wasn't, because the house was big, and everyone knew the Uchiha clan was a very big deal, and I was because there was no one there, ever. But I never asked why and he never told. We sat in his back yard, staring out at a pond and sipping tea silently. He made the best tea and offered the best snacks to go with them. In his living room, there was a cage with snakes inside, small and harmless, but dangerous-looking nonetheless. I never pet one and he never asked me to.

When we graduated the Academy, we were put into teams. Sasuke and Naruto were in mine. ___Good then, _I thought, ___I can surpass Naruto no problem, and show Sasuke just how strong I really am. _Our Sensei was a man by the name of Kakashi Hatake; a tall man with crazy gray hair. He wore the usual outfit of a Sensei but wore a mask that covered most of his face. His forehead protector was pulled down to cover his left eye, leaving his right for us to see, which was a dark color. He was a serious man but was sometimes silly. Eccentric. Neither of us knew how to react to him.

Naruto was a…rambunctious boy, very loud and joyful. His appearance fit him. Wild, bright blonde hair and wide cobalt eyes, tan skin, bright clothes and a big smile. He was friendly but a little annoying, and a trouble maker. As a child, I was told sternly to stay away from him. And, of course I listened. But I never understood why I had to.

I grew up knowing Naruto was bad, but with never any explanations. And I began to wonder, having him as a teammate, close to me now: _Why do so many people hate him?_

(s~h~*~s~u)

"___Naruto…" I whispered. He was crying for him, for that boy who had tried to kill us once, for the boy who had proven himself to be more than a monster. He was _crying. ___I'd never seen him like this before. Naruto was not a weak boy. These past few days have proven that all his hard work had really paid off. Nothing could make Naruto cry. He spent his entire life alone, fighting to be acknowledged, and he spent every day fighting to become stronger. He'd put himself at risk time after time, had so many scars to prove it, yet they healed over every time, the memory was still there. He'd lost his best friend, vowed to bring him back, even left his home to train with the Great Sannin, Jiraiya. Yet he never shed a tear. But the Kazekage, Gaara, who had tried to kill us once, who had wormed his way into my heart, lies dead before us, and Naruto is crying for him._

"___It's not fair!" Naruto yelled, startling me, wrenching at my chest. And it dawned on me, and everyone else, I knew. Naruto and Gaara were nothing alike, and yet they were exactly the same. Lady Tsunade had said once that no one knew the pain of a jinchuuriki like another jinchuuriki. And with that look in his blue eyes, those tears streaming down his face, the pain and anger in his voice, looking at the red-haired, pale boy who'd changed so much so fast, I felt like I almost could understand Naruto and Gaara, and this undeniable bond that tied them together as it would with others that knew their pain and suffering. And I prayed that the Kazekage would do the impossible and come back to life, open those pallid green eyes, and return to his awaiting village, Sunagakure._

(s~h~*~s~u)

I felt sick.

We were going into the Chunin Exams and I was not prepared. The months spent in Team 7 have proven just how far behind I truly was. Naruto was so strong, and, of course, so was Sasuke. I was nothing but a burden to them, and although Naruto never said so, Sasuke hinted at it. Yet he never mentioned it when we were alone, sitting together and drinking tea and thinking about things… They seemed so excited about it. Kakashi Sensei had said to enter the exam was our own choice, but I didn't want to fall further behind. I needed more time to train and become better. I'd always known that, but I was always so consumed by the need of Sasuke's presence that I always put it off. And now Karma was coming into play.

I slept a restless sleep, thinking about how Sasuke's scent, now washed away from my shower, had enveloped me so warmly. He had held me close before I'd left to go home, telling me everything would be alright, and that he believed in me. My spirits had soared, but the reality set in when I got home, wiping my kunai clean and untying my forehead protector. Staring at my warped reflection in the metal plate, I came to the conclusion that I was, in fact, not ready at all. The fear of the unknown plagued my thoughts as I tossed and turned all night, and, when I awoke, I found myself tangled in my pale sheets, hair in disarray, and pajamas rumpled.

I felt dread as we arrived at the academy, knowing I'd only be a nuisance to my teammates. But Kakashi Sensei revealed we wouldn't have been able to enter if one of us had decided to stay, making my worries virtually pointless. There was no turning back now. After my irritation with Ino hugging Sasuke as if she owned him, we all learned that all nine Rookie Genin were there, serving slight comfort. At least everyone we knew was there, too.

The first test was a written exam. Easy enough for me, considering I was almost top of the class. My only worry was Naruto. This part of the Chunin Exams, I knew I had. But Naruto was only strong physically, not mentally. I knew Sasuke had this in the bag. And after learning that if one of us fails we all do, my worry turned to anger. I mentally hissed at Naruto to pass this or die. The questions needed deep thinking, but that was easy to get through, and, after that, logic. These were advanced questions even I had a little trouble with. This would be impossible for my blond-haired teammate. But, in the end, it all meant nothing, because we all passed anyways, which made me feel ultimately useless. There wasn't a need for my brain anyways. The only thing I had that was far more advanced than even Sasuke.

The second test had my hopes plummeting. The Forest of Death was our second part of the exam. And the name, I supposed, said it all. We had to collect the "Heaven" and "Earth" scrolls and make it to the very center of the forest to a building where we had to open them and then advance to the next part. We couldn't open them before we got there and we each only started out with one scroll. There were so many teams, but Anko, the examiner for this part, assured us that wouldn't be the case soon, which did nothing for my nerves. As we walked toward the tables where they handed us our scroll behind a screen, Sasuke deliberately but briefly brushed against me, causing a shock to go through me. We made eye contact, and in those onyx eyes, I found whatever bit of courage I'd been missing. I would make it through this exam alive, whether I became a Chunin or not.

(s~h~*~s~u)

"___This doesn't make any sense," I murmured to myself. I could feel my eyes, surely wide with wonder and worry, travel across an expanse of scars and burns embedded into a ragged wall that I could tell had once been beautifully polished, but I couldn't really see it. I could not focus when I could hear Sasuke singing softly in the other room, perhaps where I'd left him on the floor, surrounded with paper and ink and empty words hanging in the air he tried to fill with a song that made no sense…just like the sight before me. My hand came up of its own accord and lightly touched the wall, and caused a shiver down my back, fear and sadness pooling at the pit of stomach. "This doesn't make any sense…" I repeated in a faint breath of confusion. Seconds passed, tracing and retracing the lines and scratches across the surface._

"___It's not supposed to," he sighed, entering the room. Looking back at him, I felt a hot blush stain my cheeks as I noticed he'd discarded his blue shirt and was left wearing his white shorts. We were only twelve years old, but I could already tell he'd be a fine specimen when we were older. His skin was milky white and smooth, as the flickering light of the candle I'd left on a table in the middle of the room threw soft shadows across his chest and stomach. He stopped beside me, staring up at the wall as I tried to keep myself from touching his chest to see if it was as soft as it looked. He reached up and ran a long finger along a particular line, dark and abnormal, twisting with all the rest._

"___What happened?" I asked, watching his digit follow the strange line until it intermixed with the rest, making it impossible to distinguish amongst the rest. He didn't answer at first, taking his time to run his hand over different stains and burns, caressing the splintered wood. I yearned for him to touch me like that, if only just my face. This delicate way he treated such a hideous abomination in this once beautiful wall made me feel so inconsequential. Like another speck of dust in the wind. The small, amused smile that lifted his lovely lips and brightened his lovely face caused my heart to jerk, wishing I was the reason for it. Until I saw his eyes, already dark and unreadable, become almost cruel. That smile… Whatever it was, it was not happy._

"___I was mad." It was all he said but I felt a strange fear. He could hurt me should he really want to. I was not as durable as this wall. I felt my insides become cold until I felt his hand touch my shoulder. I instantly felt that flash of heat I always felt when our skin met, and felt myself relax into his hand. My eyes met his, green caught in black. Black…was an all-consuming color, the absence of color and light. On a simple piece of paper, it could stain and overtake and devour as it could any color, any happiness. These eyes of his held a type of sadness I could never understand, but they also held a type promise I could perhaps decode, learn, cherish, and return._

"___Sasuke-kun…" I breathed, overcome by the intensity. "I…" His other hand took one of mine and brought it up to his chest, placing it over his heart, which beat steadily underneath. I felt his heat radiate through me, pulsing through my arm and filling me pleasingly. His eyes unfocused a moment before he closed them. His skin was silken, and I felt strangely glad about it. He was so rugged all of the time, and his skin seemed to be the only reminder that he was still every bit as vulnerable as I was._

"___I will never hurt you, Sakura," he whispered, his thumb stroking my shoulder gently. I almost smiled out of a sort of saddened, heartbroken state and I silently thought: _But you already have.

(s~h~*~s~u)

"I thought I'd never see the day," I breathed. Sasuke and Naruto were passed out, the former breathing heavily. I periodically changed the cloth over his forehead, wetting it with cool water I kept in a pouch. "You were defeated." I dared not touch the mark on his neck, barely covered by a few raven strands. His hand held my own hard, almost hurting me, but I could ignore it. It was when his grip loosened that I finally scavenged the area for any berries, coming up empty handed. I checked the traps I'd set up and sighed. We were alright for now. This was the true test. I had no choice but to put my life on the line. Sasuke and Naruto's lives depended on me. Whether I could protect them or not would be proven today. "Let's see how far I've truly gotten," I spoke into the wind as leafs rustled through the clearing.

Hours may have passed, and I settled into a peaceful state, closing my eyes for just a moment...

"Falling asleep? That's not very smart," a raspy voice commented before chuckling dryly. I snapped back to attention. I looked around and silently cursed myself. ___I'd fallen asleep. _But one quick glance at my teammates assured me they were both perfectly unharmed.

"Ha, you've gotta be kiddin' me! You've got to be the worst shinobi I've ever seen!" the kunoichi with long black hair scoffed. She swung a kunai, grinning maliciously at me.

"Don't be so cocky," I said, pulling out my own kunai and cutting the metal string behind me. A large tree trunk fell down on them but they jumped away. I didn't care, as long as they stayed as far from my teammates as possible. With the kunai still in hand, I charged at them, only to be caught by the black-haired kunoichi. She wrapped her fist into my long hair and yanked me down to the ground.

"Instead of spending so much time on this pretty hair of yours, you should be training to become a better shinobi. Oh well,"—I froze as I felt a cold, sharp object press into my throat—"not that it'll matter anymore anyways. You'll be dead soon anyway."

I closed my eyes, thinking about the two boys lying a few yards away, oblivious to all that was happening. All that will happen to me. I could almost see death, standing over me, cloaked in black, raising his scythe as this horrible girl pressed a kunai harder into my skin, saying horrible things. But then came a soft voice, which had been spoken in my ear as I was engulfed in a gentle embrace: ___"It's gonna be okay, Sakura…" _My hand reached for another kunai, grasping it tightly.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, you little bitch? It's too late now!" she exclaimed, but I could hardly hear her. I didn't care what she said now.

"…___I believe in you…" _I cut through my hair, heard her disbelieving gasp, felt all the loose strands fall all around me, and I'd never felt stronger. Quick as a flash, I kicked the girl away and ran at the skinny, black haired boy. And everything was almost a blur. I remember using substitution jutsu, and expending a lot of my kunai and shuriken, and even biting as a last resort, felt the stinging pain of cuts and slashes, yet the adrenaline fueled me, right until I got to the bulky one with the bandages, and was blasted away, slamming into the hard ground and feeling my body freeze. And then the pain shot through me, up my spine and through my limbs, and my back arched unnaturally. ___"Don't give up so easily." _I opened my eyes, lying on my side, and caught sight of Sasuke, breathing heavily in his sleep.

A flash of green caught my eye, and I tried to sit up, astonished to see a boy, standing with his back to me, ready to defend me. "Rock Lee," I murmured. "What are you doing? We're enemies now..." I was half reluctant to oppose him, too much in pain to go any further, more than willing to leave the task of protecting my teammates to him, as selfish as that was.

"Do not worry, Sakura-chan. I will protect you with my life." Lee said bravely as he faced my opponents, glossy black hair ruffled by the wind, only looking back to smile a twinkling smile. I felt relief. Lee was strong. Even if it contradicted the whole concept of this part of the exam, I still felt I could trust him. Lee did not lie and did not lead anyone on. That much I knew. I watched as he fearlessly faced these Sound ninjas, but when it became clear that even Lee's speed and strength could not outmatch them, I saw someone I never wanted to see. Not in this state.

Ino. Our friendship had ended with her confession. She loved Sasuke, too. And she was so beautiful, so much more than I. Her blonde hair, her blue eyes, her high voice. And she was so much stronger. I knew, just by looking at her. I was no match for her. Wouldn't have been, except that Sasuke had chosen me. I was the one he trusted enough to let in so close. I may not know everything, but I knew more than Ino, and that was enough. But I couldn't stop the feeling of guilt in my stomach. I missed her. I shook it off as I asked her why. Lee lay on the floor, defeated. And here she stood with her two strange teammates, Shikamaru and Choji. And, yes, she was stronger. She lasted longer than I had, was not as rash, did not need to bite anyone. And she and her teammates failed in a much more honorable way than my own had.

Lee's teammates finally arrived, overprotective and composed; Neji and Tenten. Neji wasn't even in our team, but he noticed what was wrong with Sasuke before I did, and I felt both ashamed of myself, and horrified of Sasuke. "T-this chakra," I gasped. Along with his awakening came a dark aura, and then a cold realization. That couldn't have been Sasuke.

All around him, a dark purple essence emitted, swirling, seeming to consume all light, ___just like his eyes, __a_nd all across his skin blazed a fire, glowing marks all across his flesh. "Sakura…" he said, voice soft but dark, rough velvet. "Who did this to you?"

His eyes were red with the curse of his clan, boring into me, taking in my appearance. My raggedly cut hair, my bruised skin, the shallow, stinging cuts… I felt myself almost shrink away from him. ___"I will never hurt you, Sakura." _I bit my lip. ___Liar, _I thought. "Sasuke-kun... What happened to you?" I asked. He looked down at himself, seeming almost surprised. Had he even known? But his resolve seemed to harden.

"Don't worry," he said. But I couldn't help myself. Who wouldn't worry? This wasn't him. I felt so much darkness waving toward me. So much evil… Yet he was trying to protect me, I could see that. Using this horrible power to hurt whoever hurt me. And I saw something flash in his eyes, a glimpse of that cruelty I'd seen when he'd been staring at that damaged wall. ___He'd been mad. _He looked pissed now. And these Sound ninja were about to experience that. As I mulled over their chances of survival, a flash of light bleached the world around me, and I heard the screams of my friends as they hid behind whatever they could. But all I could feel was Sasuke's arm around my waist, lifting me away from harm. And then we were behind the shinobi who'd done it, and I watched a most gruesome sight. He broke the boy's arms without any effort, the snaps echoing in my mind. He lied there, unmoving, beneath Sasuke, who turned to face the remaining teammate, a horrible smirk on his face. "I hope you're more entertaining than your friend," he said in a curt tone. Everyone watched, still as stone, as he slowly made his way to the frightened boy.

_Who are you? _I thought, remembering gentle smiles and soft words. ___You're not Sasuke-kun. You can't be. _The thought of this stranger hurting that boy, even if he'd hurt me, was too much. Before I knew what I was doing, I was sprinting, despite the pain, and then my arms wrapped around him from behind, crying, begging him not to hurt the boy. Even the shock of having him so near, holding him in my arms, did not stop me from speaking, muffled by his shirt, "…Please…don't do it…" I met his eyes, watching me intently, tracing the tear marks with his eyes. "You promised," I whispered. His eyes widened and I knew what he was thinking. "___I'll never hurt you__…" _The marks receded and he fell into my arms.

I sighed; he was back.

"You're too strong," the relieved boy commented. He set the "Earth" scroll down in front of him. "Let's make a deal. I give you this scroll, you let us go." He collected his other teammates and made to leave, but not before promising, "The next time we meet, we won't run away."

Looking at Sasuke, the curse mark that still pulsed, I was haunted again by the terrible face of Orochimaru, seeming to melt right off his pale face, the eyes of a snake trained on Sasuke. He'd done this to him, he'd hurt my Sasuke. He was the reason Sasuke now trembled in pain. "Wait! Who is this Orochimaru? And why did he do this to Sasuke-kun?" I called at the boy's retreating back.

"I don't know. We were told to target Sasuke and we did. That's it." He disappeared into the darkness of the trees, this hell of the Forest of Death. That wasn't enough for me. But he was gone and I would not leave Sasuke in this state. That was all I would be able to make do with. As everyone else went around to see if Naruto and Lee were okay, Sasuke quietly murmured things beneath his breath, clutching at his hand, still shaking.

"I'm sorry…Sakura," Sasuke said, drawing my attention away from his hand. His eyes locked on my own, all-consuming once again. "It won't happen again." I had a strange feeling in my gut, one I didn't understand altogether. ___Liar, _my mind said, but heart still swelled with hope. I nodded with a smile, fake as plastic on my lips. ___No, _I thought, ___Sasuke-kun would never lie to me. _Yet the feeling grew ever stronger. "I promised you, Sakura. I'll never hurt you. You know that," he said, staring out around at the clearing, as if seeing it for the first time. Which, I supposed, it was. "But promise me…" He leaned closer; eyes trapping mine again, depthless and meaningful. "Promise me you'll get stronger."

"W-what?" I stuttered, taken aback.

His eyes took me in again. My hair, my bruises, my cuts…all until he reached my hands, placing his on top of my own. "I don't want to see you like this again." His voice held a sort of strained tone, as if he were holding something back. And when he looked at me again, his onyx eyes were glistening, making my heart clench.

"I promise," I said. "I promise I'll get stronger." I vowed it on my life. I will never let Sasuke see me like this again.

~~...~~...~~

******A.N.********: Told you I'd go fast…**

******I rushed it as you can tell. I assume all of you already know what happen during the Chunin Exams, so I didn't want to linger on it. Anyway, the next chapter will not take place in any real part of the plot. The next one will focus more on Sasuke and Sakura, and they're oh-so complicated affair. Another thing I feel I need to say. I'm not very into the whole "sasusaku" thing anymore. I used to be, way back before Shippuden started. That's not to say I promote "narusaku", either...or "gaasaku" for that matter… I literally had to go around on Google and YouTube watching videos about them and reading other fanfics to finally get into the groove of it all. **

******I briefly mentioned Gaara in this, which is good. I swear to God if you don't like that pairing you should ****__****not ********be reading this, trust me...**

******Next Chapter: What lies behind Sasuke Uchiha's mask? Will Sakura finally learn why he's such a closed off two-face?**


	4. Poem Book

******A.N.:********There will be a bitter sweetness in this…**

******Let me make this clear. This is a **_****__**dark fic. **__******Y**_******eah, it's still romantic and sweet in some parts, but ****__****Naruto******** itself isn't completely sweet, either (obviously). This'll go along those lines. I'll try to keep them as much in-character as possible. Sasuke, of course is a whole different thing. You'll be seeing his more…vulnerable, innocent side in this chapter. **

******I've edited this big time. I hated this chapter the ****__****most******** out of all of them. Believe me.**

******As I get into the later chapters, which are long as all living hell, it'll probably take me much longer to edit them. So deal with me there. **

******Warning********: Implied mature content.**

******Disclaimer********: I don't own ****__****Naruto******** or any characters.**

******Poem Book**

"Sasuke-kun?" I asked the ceiling, faintly patterned with strange shapes that were pleasing to the eye. His forehead protector lied beside me, above my head, as I traced lines with my eyes, not really thinking about anything in particular.

"Hm?" was his response. He sat beside me, legs crossed, wiping his weapons clean, concentrated on getting every last speck of dirt off. Meticulous as always. I watched him a moment, taking him in. I always found something new, and I haven't even seen all of him yet. His skin was like porcelain, smooth and flawless and perfect. His hair a blue-black, wild and neat at the same time, hanging in his perfect face as he focused on one sole objective. Another thing to admire: Once you had his attention, it was all yours. And he was an immensely curious person, an endearing aspect. So when I did not continue, he stopped what he was doing and looked at me, his dark-colored eyes wide in his curiosity, waiting for me to go on. I smiled at him, which he tried not to return, but I could see the corners of his lips twitch.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked.

The question seemed to catch him off guard, for he didn't seem to know how to react, but responded all the same, "Blue."

I smiled wider. Of course it was blue. "And your favorite animal?" I asked.

"Why are you asking me this?" he asked, seeming suspicious as he set aside his kunai and rag, giving me his full and undivided attention. Good, so I had him.

"I was curious," I shrugged. "It seems that I,"—I reached up and gently touched the ends of his bangs with my fingertips, the soft strands tickling my skin and saw his eyes widen slightly in surprise—"hardly know you, Sasuke-kun."

"Oh," he murmured, frowning briefly. He seemed to understand what I meant. "I hate sweet things."

"I know," I sighed. Now that he was letting me, I sat up and played with a few locks of his raven hair, silken in my hands.

"I like hawks," he continued on. "I like to read and take long walks. I like the moonlight and I like drinking tea. I like sunsets and I like the way you write." His eyes met mine a moment, sharing a meaningful look that sent a current of heat through me, before he looked away and gave an absentminded smile. "I don't like a lot of things. It's a downer, I know."

"I think…" I brushed back his hair to get a better look at him, his fine inky brows and wide, troubled eyes. "I think that's the best part about Sasuke-kun." He slowly gave a sheepish smile, looking away. I wondered if this was what Sasuke wanted, this praise and this adoration. If that was the case, I could give him all he needed, and then some more. It didn't matter to me how long it took to make Sasuke fall in love with me, as long as he smiled and looked at me like he did now, with this warmth he must've only reserved for people he loved and cared for. ___Do you care about me, too, Sasuke-kun? I really hope so... _"I want to know everything about you." That wiped the smile from his face. A dark look crept up on his expression.

"No, you don't." He stood up abruptly, a stinging in my fingers as he pushed them away. I watched his back as he exited the room. I could never get used to how curt he could be. So I sat there, simply staring into my marred reflection in his kunai, and had a strange premonition. I blinked it back. No, Sasuke would never… I wrapped my hand around the kunai, examined it a moment, and then set it back down. It was no different from my own, but the feeling wouldn't go away. A cold, sinking feeling that made me want to bury these weapons under the floorboards… I sat there a long, long time, long enough that I didn't notice when he came back, having composed himself. The silence he'd left behind had been so deafening, that I didn't hear him saying my name, and then calling out to me, and then yelling, until he grasped me by the shoulders and shook me hard once, my teeth clacking briefly. "Sakura!" he snapped, worry lacing his exasperated voice. I looked at him, blinking away my confusion. "Are you okay?"

"Why don't I want to know?" I asked. He stared, eyes wide and completely flabbergasted, brows pulled together in confusion, trying to puzzle together what it was I meant. "Why wouldn't I want to know everything about you?" His head cocked to the side, thinking, and then he remembered what I meant and sighed.

"I don't pry into your life, so—"

"Yes, you do," I said calmly. He stared at me, letting the silence stretch a bit more than necessary before he sighed again, relenting.

"Alright, yes, I do." He sat back, and I noticed he was still holding onto me, the heat pulsing through me again. I had to suppress a shudder. "But, please, Sakura let me keep this bit of myself from you." He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to my own, the warmth soothing me. "You can have the rest."

I pushed myself away quickly, turning my back on him. I could feel his confusion in the air but I didn't turn back around. I was too busy trying to hide my blush. Damn me and my hormones. That one little statement had my imagination racing, my heart pounding, my face burning… ___He can't ____mean… No, Sasuke-kun isn't the kind of person to… But…but he's a boy, and surely he, too, feels…no, don't think like that! _I shook my head to clear my thoughts away. I couldn't think like that. Sasuke never led me on. He never gave any indication of his attraction to me…or maybe he had and I just hadn't noticed. He was a very cryptic person, so maybe that even extended to his more suggestive side. Perhaps he'd been giving me hints all along, while being incredibly subtle about it… Yeah, that must be it.

"Sakura, are you alright?" he asked, placing a hand on my back. It was meant to be reassuring, but that simple touch left my mind reeling. I had to stop myself from attacking him, and it was all too painful.

"Oh, yeah, I'm totally fine!" I laughed nervously, turning back to face him, smiling. "Why wouldn't I be? Sasuke-kun is so sweet for worrying, but really there's nothing to worry about!" I was rambling, and the longer I spoke the more his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Really?" was his response, dripping with sarcasm.

_Oh, no, he's totally on to me! Distraction! I need a distraction! _"Yup, totally fine, nothing to worry about here, haha!" I stretched my arms out, thinking quickly. "My, it's getting dark! Maybe I should be—" I cut myself off when he stood up silently. He walked over to the door and slid it shut, and then proceeded to the table in the center of the room, striking a light that illuminated the room with gentle light.

"Now it's not," he said, sitting down in front of me again. I blushed; thinking too much again about what this could lead to. A boy and a girl, all alone in a room, a candle the only light, with no one to interrupt… But that just brought back my earlier confusion. Why ___was _he all alone? I didn't ask, because I knew it would bother him. And the way he stared left no room for thoughts. "Sakura," he murmured, reaching up to touch my face, bringing a steadily growing familiar sensation, his thumb stroking my cheek, leaving behind a trail of warmth. My breath grew shallow as he leaned closer, stopping all together when his lips were but an inch from my own. Time froze for this one moment, and I know it sounds cheesy, but it seemed like this was all meant to be. Even if I didn't know Sasuke inside and out, even if our relationship was a secret to all but us, even if Sasuke made me feel completely useless when we weren't alone, he still made me feel like the most important person alive when we were, and this one moment, though completely questionable in motives and implications, was perfect. So when his lips finally pressed against my own, his soft and smooth, it was no surprise when the warmth that came with Sasuke, turned into a fire neither one of us could stifle. I couldn't think, couldn't form a rational thought as our mouths crashed together, lunging for one another. If it were any other person, I would've been forming explanations and trying to conclude where this would lead to, but it wasn't and I didn't want it to be. All I knew and all I could think was ___Sasuke, _over and over, just his name, seeing his face even if my eyes were shut, feeling his arms wrap around my waist and pull me so close I cursed our clothes for keeping us apart, and this ___fire, _burning me right to my core, and I could see color, ___everywhere,_and my mind automatically wondered if this is how it would be when we finally…did it. But, no, it wouldn't be, because this was child's play compared to that oh-so adult concept. Yet it didn't seem so adult anymore, not when it was just me and Sasuke.

"Sasuke-kun…" I breathed when he pulled away to breathe. Thunder clapped outside, making the house tremble, and snapped us from our daze. My arms had been wrapped around his neck, my fingers laced in his hair, while his wrapped around my waist, holding us together tightly, making our position all the more suggestive; we jumped away from each other, and I noticed his blush as my own face burned. The candlelight flickered as the silence stretched on between us.

"You need to get home," he said, seeming surprised by this. He jumped up and glanced at the clock, and then knelt down beside me, handing me my forehead protector as he spoke, "I've kept you here for too long. I'm sorry, Sakura." He sounded sincere, his eyes wide and honest. I smiled and took his offered hand. "I'll walk you home."

Rain poured down in buckets, but Sasuke and I shared a black umbrella, and I liked it despite the fact that my feet splashed in ice cold water and we were walking fast. He kept one arm around me, only speaking to ask me where I lived and if I was okay. "I'm fine, Sasuke-kun," I assured him, to which he seemed visibly comforted by. He made sure I made it home safe, even waited until I waved at him from my window, before going home. I watched him leave, waiting until he was out of sight before touching two fingers to my lips.

_Amazing, _I thought.

(s~h~*~s~u)

"___Sasuke-kun… You…" He cut me off, cupping my face, letting his thumb stroke my lips lightly. "But, you…"_

"___I know," he whispered, "You don't need to remind me." This was _wrong; _I____ could be arrested for this. But when he was nibbling on my ear, whispering sweet promises and trailing his fingers down my arms, I couldn't bring myself to care. So what if he was a wanted man? So what if I was sneaking behind my own village to be with the boy who betrayed his people? It didn't matter to me anymore. His lips finally reached mine, letting us fall into a heated kiss, and the many memories of the times we'd done this before flashed through my mind. Like always, I didn't care where it was that it happened, as long as it was with Sasuke. So while beneath me there was dirt and biting snow, and every time I breathed I could see it in the winter-darkness, and the skies promised a fall of white flakes, and the world around us was so dark I worried what hid in the shadows, I didn't care, because Sasuke was there, holding me, saying things I knew weren't true, but wished so desperately that they were, and he kissed me like he would never see me again. Maybe he wouldn't, or maybe he would. We did not control time, or space, or what the future held. Only the actions we took. Whether they were good or bad, only time would tell, and you must be patient. And that's all I'd ever been, was patient._

_His hands trailed lower, and I knew where they were going, knew where this was going, knew how it would go, but I didn't know how it would end. "Do you believe in a God?" I asked. At first, he didn't answer. My question did not surprise him as much as it would've when we were kids. I'd asked him so many questions, and he'd answered so much, that there was almost nothing left between us that we didn't know. Just one barrier, which we danced around cautiously, one I'd taken down a long time ago. I knew everything, but I knew enough not to broach it, because I knew how much it pained him, knew he'd break down before me, and I didn't think I could handle that again. We spoke of trivial things, and, trivial as they were, they were interesting conversations. We almost sounded like a married couple, past all the formalities and left with curiosity; what was there left to know about someone I already knew like the back of my hand? Just the random thoughts that traveled through their minds, the ____ones that made them smile and made us wonder why._

"___I did…" he murmured against my shoulder, his hands stopping a moment as he thought. "I don't know what to believe in anymore." When they continued on, they were gentler, treating me with the utmost care._

"___Do you ever wish we could live a normal life?" I whispered into the air, watching a single snowflake flutter down from the heaven above. He smiled against my pounding heart, his fingers tickling the skin of my leg, his other hand supporting my head as he grasped at a few strands of my short hair, tilting my head back so I could catch the flake on my tongue, knowing full well how much I loved to do that._

"___Of course I do, Sakura," he said._

Liar, ___I thought. I could feel his power surging beneath the surface, how strong he'd grown. "Do you ever wish we could be together?"_

"___We _are _t____ogether," he insisted, placing a kiss at the base of my throat._

"___You know that's not what I meant," I sighed, watching the snowflakes scatter with my hot breath, as if they were wild animals, scurrying away._

_There was a long pause, a pregnant silence as he caressed me, painstakingly making sure to make my body come alive beneath him, but already I was trembling with anticipation. He was only making my need stronger, but he liked to do that, and I liked when he did it. It was my pleasure that pleased him, and his that pleased me. There was a complicated bond between us, and I wondered why he hadn't severed it like he did with his and Naruto's. "I've always wanted to be with you."_

"___Then why?" I asked. A silent plea was frozen on my tongue, cut off with a feral sound that made him hide his smile in my hair, his fingers tangled in nerves that dripped with want, with need, with my desire. My heart skipped a beat like it always did, and I clutched at him, breathing his name._

"___You know why, Sakura."_

(s~h~*~s~u)

"I like you with short hair."

"I thought you liked long hair."

"Yeah, well, you thought wrong."

My head rested on his lap, staring up at the sky as he twined his fingers through my hair. It kept replaying in my head. Red hair, pale green eyes, a raspy, growling voice, pain, sand, a horrible monster that made Sasuke bleed… I shuddered. It didn't go unnoticed by him; nothing did.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I hugged his waist, burying my face in his stomach to hide my tears. "I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun."

"For what?" he asked, sounding concerned. His fingers combed through my hair, coaxing me to look at him, at his dark eyes that stared warmly, saw right through me, into my heart, saw my pain.

"I wasn't strong enough," I said, touching his arm, the bandages there.

He smiled as he remembered. "You don't have to be sorry. You tried your best." This was the side of Sasuke only I knew. This kindness, this warmth, all of it, from his eyes that melted even ice, to his gentle smile that lightened my spirits, I knew of it like no one else ever would.

"Do you ever wonder if heaven exists?" I asked, turning my attention back to the sky.

I'd learned that if Sasuke was surprised enough, he'd answer any question instantly. "Yeah…" He looked up, too, wondering, perhaps, about this heaven.

"You ever wonder how it would be like if we…when we finally see it?"

"No. I don't have that great of an imagination."

"Well, I think…" I felt his gaze on me, but my eyes were closed as I spoke. "I think this right now…here with Sasuke-kun…this is heaven."

I heard him sigh, my eyes snapping open when I felt his lips on mine. A blush stained my cheeks. "Thank you," was all he said.

~~….~~….~~

It was in his bedroom that it all happened. He read a book as I fiddled with his TV. His room was decorated in simple colors. His walls were white and had only a few posters, two of them were of hawks and the others were of darker things; skeletons, skulls, etc… But they meant nothing. He told me he felt the room needed more personality so he added them in and said he thought it improved the room. Looking around, I could see what he meant. His bed was queen-sized and the sheets were white, as were the pillows. The rug beneath the bed was a dark blue, one basic color, and the wood floor was a simple light brown, made of oak and neatly polished. His bookcase, kept beside his closet that held simple clothing, was organized with different books, all ordered by genre. The top was purely informational, all about the history of Konohagakure and the basics of being a shinobi. The second was mystery, all from different authors, some I knew and others I didn't, but the titles all seemed interesting. The third was made up of thriller/horror books, which he'd picked from, lying in a stack beside him to read after the one he held now. The fourth was mythical and sci-fi, which he'd also chosen from. And the bottom was romance, the books leaning against each other from how many he'd taken out. I smiled to myself. I had no idea how romantic Sasuke could be.

I knelt down to examine the books, reading the titles and wondering how they would pan out. Good ending or bad ending? Puppy love or forbidden love? Purely innocent or…? I blushed, and silently hissed at myself to calm down. ___Get your mind out of the gutter, Sakura! _As I reached for one, his voice, low and smooth as always, said, "You can read one from here. I don't mind sharing." He hadn't looked at me as he said it, still reading the book he held in his pale hands. I stood up and made my way over to his bed, but stopped at the edge, my mind blank. There was a feeling in my gut that told me: ___No, don't do it. _I had a brief memory, of my mother and me sitting on my bed, her hands around mine as she spoke sternly to me about how my body would soon start changing and boys would start to take notice. ___Never let a boy fool you. They might seem nice on the outside, but they could have bad intentions. _I stood there, thinking too much, imagining things I really shouldn't.

"What's wrong?" His voice broke me from my train of thought and I stood there, staring at him dumbly. We just stared at each other for a while, before he sighed and gestured to the spot beside him. "You can read here, Sakura. Really, I don't mind." I bristled, wondering if he could really be that clueless, but I shook it off and crawled onto the bed to sit beside him. He relaxed back into his pillow, which he'd propped against the headboard, and went back to reading. I glanced at the title, hoping to see what it was he was reading, but it had none. It was plain white with no photo or indication of what it could be about. He set it aside after a moment and picked up another.

"Sasuke-kun," I said as I read the title of the one I held. I tapped it a few moments, unsure, and then proceeded to open it.

"Hm," was his response as he turned a page in his book, seeming disinterested.

"What's your favorite book?" I asked. He didn't say anything, just poked the book he'd read first and then went on reading. _T____his book is Sasuke-kun's favorite? _I set aside the book in my hands and reached for the other instead. It was a poem book, filled with silly poems and silly pictures to go with them. I felt a wave of sweet, overwhelming happiness overtake me. Such an innocent book was Sasuke's favorite. This boy, who seemed so strong and so fearless, liked this childishly cute book. Before I could think, I leaned over and kissed Sasuke's cheek, overcome with adoration. "You are so cute!" I squealed. I didn't miss the pink on his face, even if he turned away.

"Why would you say that?" he asked, not unkindly. I just gave a soft laugh and scooted closer to him, leaning my head onto his shoulder as I read his favorite book. It took a few moments before he sighed and leaned his head on top of mine, continuing his own book, and we sat there in silence, enjoying each others company.

___~~...~~...~~_

******A.N.:******** There, Sakura's early opinion of Gaara and insight into the emotional side of Sasuke, the one thirsting for acceptance and love. **

******But, of course there's always a problem.**

******So that, uh, italics piece—they're always a preview of their future—was quite emotional as well, huh? Funny how different it becomes...**

******Next Chapter**: ******Sasuke's losing all sense of himself little by little…and he's not sure who to blame. The pink-haired kunoichi or himself.**


	5. Flower

******A.N.********: I actually like this chapter, I'm not gonna edit it much. Sasuke's point of view, hell yeah!**

******Sasuke never was my favorite character of **_****__**Naruto. **_******I'd always found him a tad bit weird. He seemed like a jerk to me and then turned out to **_****__**be**_******one, and then of course it was all misleading and he ended up ****__****not******** being one.******** Sakura was no better. At first, she'd been annoying to me, I confess, but during the **_****__**Shippuden **_******I couldn't bring myself to feel the same, she had just made such an amazing development as a character, and I loved it. Although they weren't my favorite characters, they still became a rather endearing couple to me. It was the feeling of unrequited love from Sakura and confused indifference from Sasuke that really drew me in ultimately, and even though I lost interest in both **_****__**Naruto **_******and its pairings, and became, instead, interested in **_****__**Bleach **_******and **_****__**Samurai Champloo **_******and other stuffs, I could never fully bring myself to leave my first anime-love. So, let me list off my favorite pairings in **_****__**Naruto: **_******Naruto/Hinata; Kiba/Hinata; Kiba/Ino; Kakashi/Anko; Shikamaru/Temari; Sasuke/Sakura; Gaara/whoever-he-feels-like-being-with-because-he' s-my-favorite; Neji/Tenten; Sakura/Lee (because I found him sweet) and that's about it. So…yeah. I think you'll like this chapter.**

******This is even ****__****further ********insight into Sasuke's mind. And the things you'll find in there.**

******Warning: ********Uh…very brief touching. And brief cussing.**

******Disclaimer********: I don't own ****__****Naruto******** or the characters.**

******Flower**

******~Sasuke's point of view:**

Silence.

Again, my morning was filled with ___silence. _Deafening and suffocating, causing me to cover my ears without any real reason to. I felt like running away, hiding beneath my covers, _a____nything _to get away from the horrible nothing that surrounded me. But once I got over it, a little while later, I forced myself back into my normal demeanor. Yet the feeling in my chest did not go away. I hadn't felt like this since I was…well since the first few years of my parents deaths… Whatever wall I'd built around myself, some stone wall that I polished and strengthened and guarded so carefully, hiding the box that I locked and checked continuously, keeping the bottle that held my memories and emotions and whatever stupid thing that could weaken me and make me a stupid worthless idiot…was cracking. I didn't know how it happened, when, or why. All I knew was that it hurt and I hated it. Everything was falling apart.

I never woke up groggily. I made sure I went to sleep at a certain time to get my night's worth of rest, but, lately, that was becoming harder to do. Today I woke with a sudden burst, knocked out of my dream that I instantly forgot upon opening my eyes, and glaring at the TV as the sun hit my face. Why in the ___hell _hadn't I shut the blinds? I was falling out of routine, and I didn't know why. I used to sleep in pajamas, all white or blue, comfortable and appropriate, but that changed steadily. First, I fell asleep with just the pajama pants. No shirt. And then I slept in my boxers ___with _a shirt, but no socks. Now I slept with just my boxers on. I used to plan out my breakfast the night before, making sure it had enough nutrients and calories to get me through my typical morning—___my _typical morning; my days were ___not _like other people's—and then dutifully set about putting them in an easy to spot location in the fridge. Now, I stood in the kitchen, just in my black boxers with my hair in chaos, looking around in confusion. I couldn't remember what I had in my kitchen. And I was ___mad. _Not because of the fact that I had to now search through my fridge for food, but because of how ___quiet _this house was.

I used to be able to handle it, used to be able to ignore it, but now that Sakura was coming over more and more every day, the house was beginning to feel so much more spacious. I craved her here, wanted to hear her voice. Even if it was to ask me random questions about myself. Or to say something simple-minded. I found it sweet, the things she said, and it filled a void I hadn't noticed before. Now as I sat at the table, ___alone, _nibbling at some toast and sipping some orange juice, I wished she was here. I wanted her to sit with me here, eating breakfast with me, telling me stories and playing with my hair. The cold feeling I got when I woke up alone in my bed tore at me, confusing me. Sakura and I had never slept in a bed together. She'd sat with me on my bed, but had never slipped beneath the covers to sleep, had never shared my bed with me in such an intimate way… And then I couldn't stop the thoughts from attacking me. I hurried to finish my breakfast, cleaned up, and then ran to the bathroom to shower, washing away my perverted thoughts.

I was faced with a brief moment of confusion after I dressed and made my bed. I stood by the window, staring out at my backyard, the pond there. My mind was blank and I couldn't form a single thought, and I didn't know why. Mindlessly, I made my way out to the entrance of my house. After tightening my forehead protector and slipping on my sandals, I stood at the door a while, my hand resting on the handle as a sudden picture flashed before my eyes. Sakura, lying on my bed, short pink hair forming a halo around her head, her green eyes, gentle and warm, staring straight at me, tears gathering at the edges of her eyes, her mouth parting to say something… And then I blinked and the image was gone. I was frustrated at the pang of guilt in my stomach. I didn't understand what was happening to me, what the picture meant, why I had imagined it, or why I suddenly felt like finding Sakura and hugging her tight, but I decided it didn't matter at the moment. What ___did _matter was that I was almost late to meet up with my teammates.

We were only training, nothing to be excited about, but I still felt a strange anticipation. How much stronger has Naruto become? How far has Sakura gotten? What would Kakashi teach us next? My mind was consumed with these thoughts, used to be, but now I wondered only of Sakura. ___Have you been keeping your promise?_ I only wanted to keep her safe. She was my teammate after all, and all I wanted was to protect her, which was terrible of me. She was her own person, and her only objective in life as a kunoichi was to defend herself and others, and to live up to the expectations of everyone else, prove to the world why it was a good idea to let women become shinobi, show everyone just how strong and independent woman truly ___could _be…and here I was trying to stop that. "God, I'm so fucking stupid," I sighed, covering my face.

"Oh? And why's that?" asked an all-too familiar voice. I uncovered my face enough to watch the masked, gray-haired man jump down from a roof to land before me. I'd always admired my Sensei. He always kept his cool and always had a solution to any problem. Sometimes, I even thought of him as a father. Even now, with that perverted book in his hand, the other in his pocket, he practically ___oozed _with relaxation, and I wondered how he did it. I could keep calm to an extent, but never like him. As he waited for me to speak, patient as always, I thought about how much my life has changed in so little time. "Kakashi," I said. He met my gaze evenly, showing me he was listening. "I need to get stronger." Sakura would always be in constant danger, I could see that, and even though I wasn't one to disrespect a kunoichi, or any female for that matter, and her power, or her equality in the battlefield, I still couldn't help this protective edge that reared its head whenever I thought of her, a fragile flower in this dog-eat-dog world. I could feel Kakashi looking at me, appraising and contemplating. He snapped his book shut and gave a sigh as he tucked it away in his pouch.

"Well, alright," he murmured. "But you have to be committed." I gave a sure nod. Of course I was committed, there was not one bone in my body that wasn't. His gaze told me this would be hard work from start to finish, but I didn't care. I wanted to protect the people I loved, few as they were, and Sakura Haruno, in an unexplainable way, had become one of them. And I would do my best keep her from harm's way. Without prompt, Gaara's face came to mind, hateful, dangerous, cold eyes glaring right back. No, no one would lay a finger on her again.

(s~u~*~s~h)

"___Where are you going?" a soft, feminine voice asked. They sounded similar, but this one had a particular lilt in it that displeased me. She was nothing like the girl I'd left behind. She was far pushier and had much more experience. Where the girl from before had a certain air of innocence, untainted despite what the years have put her through, this girl was seductive and sensual. I didn't want that. I wanted the sweet smile, the warm eyes that could melt me, the gentle smile, the fire that came with her touch, the whispers of dreams I could never see even when I wanted to so badly…_

"___None of your business," I muttered, not even bothering to look at her as I walked toward the exit of the cave we hid in. The other two were asleep, and I'd hoped she'd been asleep, too, but she was attentive, the kind of person who cared enough to stay awake longer than the rest to make sure nothing happened to us. It reassured me, but it also annoyed me. How was I supposed to do _anything ___with her keeping such a close eye on me?_

"___Oh, Sasuke-kun!" she gasped, jumping up to wrap her arms around me from behind, resting her chin on my right shoulder to speak hotly in my ear. "Why don't we go somewhere alone?" Her hands trailed up my arms, her right hand stopping at my shoulder beside her chin, while the left went around to slowly run down my chest, down toward my stomach. Her hand was small and warm and knew what it was doing, knew where to go, knew how to do it, but it was not Sakura's. It did not spread fire, did not leave me shivering and begging her for more. I closed my eyes as I felt her warm tongue trace my ear._

She ruined me, ___I realized. _I can't feel anything.

_I wanted to, I really did. Karin didn't deserve my rejection. I was sure she could do everything Sakura could and more, but the longer I let her touch me, the more painful it became. My body wanted no one but Sakura. I couldn't make myself feel something I didn't. And I'd only be hurting me and Karin both if I let her do what she wanted. "I could make you feel good, Sasuke-kun…" she breathed, her hand moving lower minutely._

_I caught her hand, heard her catch her breath in surprise. I looked over my shoulder, met her ____red eyes, and murmured, "I'm sorry, Karin." Her strangely colored eyes widened and I knew she heard my honesty. After a moment, she closed her eyes and nodded. When her eyes looked at me again, before I let her go, I could see her resolve. She was not giving up, but she'd give me my space tonight. I silently thanked her and left, only glancing back to see her sit back down on the rock she'd been perked on before, staring at the rock wall before her emotionlessly._

_The journey was short and the cold air bit into me relentlessly. I found her underneath a coverage of rocks, in just about the same position as I'd left Karin, which made me cringe a little. Her arms were wrapped around herself, seeming deep in thought. I watched her for a few moments, taking her in. Taller, leaner, stronger, curvier, lovelier… As I approached her, my breath was taken from me. Her emerald eyes glanced up, bringing a sensation I'd forgotten. "Sakura," I sighed, smiling for the first time in so long. She had tears at the edges of her eyes, which gathered as she squinted at me, her teeth gritting as she fought back her tears. She wasn't sad, I knew, because her eyes, so very expressive, told me how happy and relieved she was. She threw herself at me, and I caught her effortlessly. Fire, oh the fire. I missed it so much. "Sakura…" I whispered again, burying my face in her hair. I could feel hot liquid on my chest, feel her body tremble in her sobs, but they were happy tears, joyful weeps, and I didn't mind it like this._

"___Sasuke-kun…I-I thought…I thought I'd never see you again. I was…so scared that I…that you…" She couldn't finish the rest. I didn't let her. My mouth covered hers, the fire searing us both._

"___I'm here now," I said against her lips. I pulled her closer. I trailed kisses down her throat, remembering those innocent times before, and, out of a whim, I pleaded, "Ask me a question."_

_Without further explanation, she did. "Do you ever stop to the smell the roses?"_

_I smiled against her skin. "I don't," I said. "I never do." When her hand ran down my chest, I remembered Karin, and her attempts to seduce me. No, this was nothing like that. There was a fire that accompanied __t_his___small hand, a fire that made me shiver, made me press closer, beg for more… Her eyes met mine, a gentle green and not a smoldering red, and they were kind eyes, pure, curious. Nothing in them held any suggestive implications, only a question that I answered with a kiss to light pink lips. I wanted no one but her. I wished I could give her the life she wanted, and give her everything she dreamed for, but this was not a perfect romance._

_This was not a perfect life._

(s~u~*~s~h)

I, out of some strange courage, asked her to stay over. She didn't question me, and showed up at my doorstep with a back pack at sundown. We ate dinner together, simple soup I'd made and some tea she brewed. As she poured me a cup, I felt like we were a regular married couple, well into our lives together. I considered it a moment; let it roll around in my mind. Yes, I could see that. I could see Sakura and I, living together, in love, in this house or maybe another, one that didn't hold so many memories. It was an alluring thought, but, with it, came darker things. I closed my eyes, forcing them away. ___Itachi, _I silently hissed. He was ruining this little bit of peace I had, and he wasn't even here. But I knew what it meant. No, I could never share a life with Sakura. I wasn't the one for her. My life was destined for a completely different thing.

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura called out, making me aware of the fact she'd been trying to get my attention for quite a while. I met her gaze, sipping some tea that had already cooled. "May I use your bath?" I nodded quickly, standing to lead her to it, turning my back on her to hide my blush. ___Damn, _I thought. ___Damn me. Why do I have to be a boy? _She smiled at me as she slid the door shut to the bath. I tried to make myself ___not _think the smile was suggestive. Sakura wasn't that type of girl. She did not give herself freely to people, would never do such a thing with me. Anything I was feeling would blow over soon and I would finally see her the way I used to…hopefully.

I was faced with confusion as I mulled over where she'd sleep. I would ___not __l_et her sleep on the floor, even on a futon. She would sleep in a bed. My bed, but I would not sleep with her in that bed. Perhaps on the floor instead, out in the living room. But maybe she'd want me to stay with her. Maybe she was scared of the dark… No, that was just plain stupid. Maybe she just wanted to talk. I wasn't like other boys. I could talk. I could handle speaking and listening and letting her go on and on about stuff I hardly cared about. I didn't mind. I wasn't much of a talker anyway, and women liked being listened to, I knew, so it was no big deal. I nodded to myself as I came to the conclusion that, yes, I would stay in the same room as Sakura…as long as she was okay with it, of course. I knew doing things out of the blue without consulting her would be pretty dumb of me…if what I've observed of Naruto told me anything.

I gathered up my pajamas—which I haven't worn in some time—and waited for her to come back from the bath so I could take my own. The door opened while I stared at the wood floor, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. I glanced up at a smiling Sakura. She wore light pink pajama pants with a matching button up, much like my own blue one I held in my arms. Her short pink hair clung to whatever skin possible, her green eyes wide and bright, cheeks flushed a rose petal pink and small lips curled into a gentle smile. I blinked at her, and noticed her bunny slippers, almost breaking into my own smile. "Ah, thank you so much, Sasuke-kun!" she sighed. "That's so much better!" She padded over, dropping her back pack on the ground beside the bookcase. I stood up to go to the bath. She glanced at me and clapped her hands over her mouth, eyes widening. "Oh, sorry, Sasuke-kun, I forgot you had to… I'll wait," she said, nodding.

I nodded back and left to the bathroom. The room was still hot and steamy, but I didn't mind. Something about it made me strangely glad. Something about ___knowing _someone else had used something of mine and ___knowing _they were now waiting for me in my own room made me happy. Knowing that someone else was in my house…just ___being _there made me content. So I smiled to myself and stripped my clothes off, tossing them in the hamper, and then froze. Sakura had also put her clothes there. I didn't know if she had a curfew tomorrow, didn't know if her family wanted her back at a certain time, so I wondered if I should wash her clothes. I figured I should, since she was a guest. After a long, hot bath, scrubbing my hair and body clean, I drained the tub and dried my body carefully. I slowly buttoned up my shirt and brushed my teeth thoroughly, gathering up the clothes from the hamper afterward and going to the laundry room and separating the colors. I tensed again as I realized that I was now holding Sakura's…delicates… I felt my face burn and looked away, only glancing to take in the color and tossing them into the washer, noting that they were white, like my shorts, and put them to wash. I sighed, trying not to think about anything…like that, as I walked back to the bedroom.

I found her sitting in my bed, legs crossed and leaning back against the pillows, reading a book. I noticed that it was the poem book that I liked and almost smiled. I walked to the closet and pulled out a rolled-up futon, laying it out on the ground. "You aren't going to sleep in your own bed, Sasuke-kun?" she asked, looking at me over the book.

"No," I murmured, "you sleep there." I pulled back the sheets but felt her hand on my sleeved arm. I met her eyes and she instantly blushed.

"But this is ___your _bed, Sasuke-kun," she insisted.

"But you can't sleep on the floor," I argued.

"Then sleep with me," she said, and then her whole face turned a bright red. I turned my head to hide my own flush. "I…I mean in the bed. I mean…! Ah, I didn't mean…uh, ah…" she trailed off, stumbling across her words.

"I know what you mean," I said. I really did, I did, but my body was still reacting, my heart fluttering. I stood up and climbed onto the bed, not bothering to put the futon back. I slid under the covers and lied on my side, my back to her. There was a silent moment, then I heard her place the book onto the nightstand and slipped under the blankets as well. Something about the warmth near me comforted me, and it gently lulled me to sleep, a deep sleep where my dreams were sweet.

(s~u~*~s~h)

_It was strange, but it seemed like I never really rested like I did when Sakura slept near me, in my arms, cradled against me. The scent of her, feminine and flowery and light was thousands of times better than any perfume or shampoo she wore. When the night was long and filled with the fire neither of us could deny no matter what got between us, and the scent of the chemicals in her perfume and shampoo had faded away with our sweat and passion, and her natural scent was all that was left over, I found I drifted to sleep easily. I found myself twining her pink hair between my fingers, nuzzling her cheek. Her eyes found my own and she gave me a gentle smile. I felt my heart warm and I secretly wished I didn't feel that. There was a part of me, small as it was, that was intensely grateful toward her. Her kindness, her affection…everything about her, everything she'd do for me made me so happy that I had her in my life, and it always showed when we were together. But there was a bigger part that hated her for it. It was the fact that I could have a weakness and that I was weak enough to feel this way that got to me. My brother had told me I lacked hatred… And here was the proof of that, snuggling into my chest. If I felt this way for her, there was no way I'd let myself be overtaken by hatred the way I had to. There had to be a way to make myself stop feeling this way._

_But as she leaned up to peck my lips lightly, I shrugged the idea off for another time. _Maybe later,___ thought to myself, returning the kiss. _Maybe never…

(s~u~*~s~h)

I woke in the middle of the night slowly, as if I was pulled from water, but very gently when I hadn't been drowning. It was a relief that came from relief. And I found my face in Sakura's hair, silvery pink in the moonlight from the window she faced. My arm had draped over her slender waist and my body was but an inch from her own. I didn't want to pull away, not when she was so near already and her warmth radiated gently. I breathed in the smell of the shampoo, realizing she'd used my own and smiled. I felt her move, shifting and turning to face me, and her lips grazed mine. The heat burned my skin and I sighed, remembering our first kiss. Her black lashes fluttered and then her green eyes, hazy and sleepy met my own. I tried to keep still, to let her fall back asleep, but they widened anyway. We stared at each other a while before she leaned forward and kissed me. It was a long, tense moment, where all I could do was ___feel _her silken lips, soft from sleep, and a flame as our skin came into contact.

Again, we couldn't control ourselves. Our arms wrapped around each other and pulled ourselves closer, our lips crashing and meeting and the whole world faded around us. It came to the moment where all the rationality I clung to slipped from my grasp, and was replaced by ___Sakura _and the need that blinded me. It was when I heard her soft gasps that I realized my mouth had strayed from her own, and that I laid on top of her. Her skin was smooth, and her pulse pounded under my lips. My hands moved to unbutton her shirt, letting my hand splay across her flat stomach, the other hand cupping her face to kiss her again. She whimpered into my mouth, and I let out a groan as her hips ground into mine. The hand on her stomach moved up toward her chest, my fingers tracing her simple bra before my palm covered her small breast. It didn't fill my hand, barely even my palm, but they were soft and warm, and she arched into my hand when I touched it. I trailed kissed along her jaw and down her throat, heading toward her breasts. I felt her drag her short nails through my hair, lightly scraping my scalp, and I accidentally bit down on the fabric of her bra, over a strangely hard bud. I pulled away, alarmed by her sharp cry. "Sasuke-kun!" she whimpered.

With her voice came reason, and then I realized what I was doing, what was going to happen, and I hated myself immediately. I was almost…___raping _Sakura. I felt nausea wash through me. I pushed myself away, turning away from her. I forced myself to catch my breath, finally looking at her when I was calm enough. "I'm sorry," I murmured. Her face was flushed, and I found the color stretched down to her chest. Her hair was messy and she looked disheveled. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, knowing now that I could no longer stay in the same bed with my own teammate without molesting her.

Her hand caught my wrist. "W-wait, Sasuke-kun," she said. I looked back at her and found her wide green eyes trained on me, a determination in them I was unfamiliar with. "I…I liked it." There was a surge of male pride that flooded me that I inwardly scowled at and tried to beat back. ___Why am I a boy? _"Can…can we keep going?" she asked.

I looked at her, assessed her and tried to figure out how this would bite us back. I wanted to. ___Really _did, but we were only twelve. There was no way Sakura was going to lose her virginity this young, even if it was to me. Sakura needed to grow, needed to let herself mature a little more. We were too young. Her body wouldn't be able to handle this sort of treatment, no matter how careful I was. And me…well I was as inexperienced as she was. I could hurt her, and if any of those health classes we were forced to take in the academy told me anything, she would be in pain, and I wouldn't last long. Even as enticing as the prospect of being with Sakura was, I didn't want to do that to her. ___Well, _I thought, ___at least it's me she wants to do this with. No one else would stop like I am. No one would think of her first._

"No, we can't." When her face fell, I hurried to say, "Not yet. I just… We need a little more time." We were both silent a moment before she nodded. She buttoned up her shirt again and lied down. After a while, I did the same, facing her. She smiled and stroked my hair, a tiny blush on her face.

"Thank you, Sasuke-kun," she whispered. She snuggled into my chest, smiling as she fell to sleep. Her warmth and scent dragged me to sleep once again.

It was a dreamless sleep, and the peace was addictive.

But in the morning, while Sakura still slept soundly in the early hours and I finished washing our clothes, I took the time to look at her and think. I lightly touched her face with my fingertips, and marveled out how soft she was. A flower in a dog-eat-dog-world… I clenched my fists and promised myself I'd get stronger. If not for Sakura's sake, then for my own.

…~~~…

******A.N.:********Writing in Sasuke's point of view is exhausting. It took me way too long, but…I liked it. I hope it may have answered why he wants their relationship a secret. If not…oh well. The one thing I did admire about Sasuke in the actual show was that he was a very deep thinker, and he observed things closely. I let that apply to other aspects. Like, if he cared about someone and thought like he did, he would most certainly think about their feelings and how anything he did would affect them. Much like taking Sakura's innocence. And it's true, that age is way too young for that crap. The human body, at that age, is barely going through puberty, and needs its sweet time developing. Both Sasuke and Sakura need that.**

******The only problem I had writing this chapter was that I thought I wrote Sakura too whiny and girly, **

******Next Chapter:********Sasuke's been acting strange and Naruto's been absent a lot lately. Even Kakashi seems a little keyed up. Sakura's been feeling behind and is faced with a life-changing choice.**


	6. I don't

******A.N.********: Okay, so, I liked this chapter, too. Merely because it is a ****__****huge ********stepping stone for Sakura and I'm pretty sure we all know why. ********This chapter is where it all goes insane. Basically the prologue to the actual story. Yes, you've been reading a prologue this whole time. Next chapter will be the actual start. You know the flashes, the "memories"(italics sections) are tiny previews that I won't be adding into the story (or maybe I will). It's so you get a taste, the gist of it all.**

******Here, you'll make note of how Sakura is feeling and her realization of just how far she is willing to go to be with Sasuke.**

******Disclaimer********: I do not own **_****__**Naruto **_******or any of the characters.**

"******I don't."**

It felt like after the time I'd spent the night with him that our relationship would've taken a dramatic turn. That maybe, at last, people could know of us. That he wouldn't be so coarse with me when other people were around. That we could finally let our new friendship bloom in the sunlight… But that wasn't the case. That wasn't the case at all. What happened between us after that night I slept in his bed with him and eaten dinner and then breakfast with him and gotten ready for the day with him, was not at all what I had hoped it would be.

He remained distant, if not more so than before. And it ___hurt. _Why couldn't he react normally for once? This wasn't how people behaved when they liked someone, and I assumed he did, if he'd done what he'd done that night. He was no kinder and no friendlier. He was not warm and he was not welcoming. He was just cold in the way that only Sasuke Uchiha could be.

And it ___hurt. _How much more rejection could a girl take? How much more deceptive thoughts could I make? And it got even worse. He didn't invite me over to his house anymore. And here I sat, all alone in my bedroom, wondering what I'd done wrong. I bit my nails—I ___never _bit my nails—and pulled at my hair, messy and unkempt. My room was a mess, clothes strewn about and dust piling up on my furniture, and it was all so ___unlike _me that I began to question just how much Sasuke had really affected me.

What made it worse was the lack of things to do to keep me busy and my mind off my issues. No missions, no training, no nothing. Kakashi hasn't been bothering us lately and we haven't been meeting up. Naruto doesn't even pester me like he used to. It felt like the whole world had turned a cold shoulder to me along with Sasuke. Oh, how the ache in my chest stung me.

Would it always be like this? Will he always treat me like this?

I really hoped not.

(s~h~*~s~u)

_I felt used. But I supposed I should've gotten used to that a long time ago._

_I curled into a ball, naked and cold and trembling, and listened to him dress himself. His movements weren't hurried. He was precise and immaculate, straightening the fabric to his liking, ____picking off any lint he may have caught. He was a man of routine, and he tied his belt the same way, placed his sword the same way, fixed his hair the same way, buckled his boots the same way… He liked familiarity, and I supposed that was why he always came to me._

_And why I always came back to him._

_The previous two hours played back in my mind, behind my eyelids that fluttered with every slip of cloth over cloth and small shake of the bed where he sat at the end. Unhurried, slow, precise, thorough… That's how he always was. He made sure to touch me the way he knew I liked most, would respond to the best, and ready me for him. He was gentle as always, and that always surprised me. In bed, with me, all alone with no one to bother us, he was tenderly sweet to me. He kissed me and said kind things. He never hurt me, and if he did, he'd make up for it by caressing me. The time before and after was similar. Before it, he'd talk to me about things that troubled him daily, things that bothered him, things he couldn't understand, and it made me happy he confessed all this to me and no one else, that he almost came to me for comfort, and sought out my advice and thoughts. After it, he'd tell me his regrets, his hopes, his dreams, pointless as he made them out to be normally, he made them seem dire to me._

_Like he really wished we could've been together._

_And even now, I felt his hand on my ankle, lightly placed, as if reassuring himself I was still there. He must've seen me, the goose bumps on my arms, the way I shook every few seconds, because a thin sheet covered me, and he wrapped an arm around me from behind, his body pressed along my own. His warmth was delicious and I gave in involuntary moan. And then his actions seemed pointless, because, again, we pulled away the clothes between us and pressed as close as we could._

_Gentle, always gentle, we kissed and our sighs were relieved and light. And we were back to where we were just ten minutes earlier._

"___Have you ever had a pet?" I asked as I played with his hand and he trailed kissed along my collarbone, the other hand dancing along my leg. I stifled a giggle when he lightly nipped at my neck. It'd be inappropriate to laugh now. The last time I had, he had laughed with me, a sweet laugh, but it had distracted us and made us waste our time together tickling each other. I felt like a child, playful and sly, and his eyes shimmered in much the same way I believed mine did. But every second counted, and seconds was all we had. And tickling was a torture device made only to anger women, and men seemed amused by it for some reason. Even Sasuke wasn't immune to that._

"___No," he murmured against my skin, and his deep voice vibrated through me, exciting me for some reason. "I wanted a puppy once, though."_

"___I had a cat," I breathed, and nibbled on his ear as something hot and wet ran along my throat. "I hated him."_

_He gave a soft chuckle against my chest. "Why's that?" he asked. His free hand tangled into my hair and his lips brushed mine, waiting for my reply. I clutched his other hand to me and closed my eyes._

"___He used to scratch me," I whispered. His lips molded to mine, melting me to butter beneath ____him._

"___I don't see any scars," he said, combing back my hair and kissing my forehead. I supposed I could take his word there. He'd seen every inch of me there was to see._

"___I guess they healed over. They were just shallow scratches, but those hurt the most."_

"___Hm," he agreed, trailing his lips down, down, down, until they wrapped around the very peak of a small mound._

"___Have you ever painted a picture?" I gasped. The hand I held moved, interlocking our fingers. He did the same with our other hands and stretched them above our heads, allowing him to press the entire length of his body over mine, his nose against my nose as he gave a warm smile._

"___I've always wanted to," he said. His knee pushed my own apart and I knew what came next. I blushed at the thought. The fire we felt had never cooled once, but it did become more subtle. Now, it was just lava between us, rolling beneath the surface, hot and slow, but as soon as he was inside, I knew that would no longer be the case. It would be a fire, wild and scorching and uncontrollable._

"___I can teach you." He nuzzled my cheek with his own affectionately, and I hid a smile in his raven hair._

_His onyx eyes met mine, a playful glint in them only I would ever see. "I'd like that."_

_I gave a high squeak when he suddenly pushed in and he gave another chuckle. He held still so my body could accommodate again, and placed feather light kisses on my face. This tenderness, this kindness, this sweetness and this fire that burned though us and in my veins was the secret that I held so dearly in my heart, the part of Sasuke no one knew._

_The part of Sasuke only I would ever know._

(s~h~*~s~u)

My legs burned from running so fast, so hard, but I didn't care. He was hurt, he was in pain, he was in the hospital and he needed me. I knew this. I knew this so well, more than I'd ever know anything. People I'd cared about had been hurt before, too, had been in the hospital as well, but I'd never worried about them like I did now. Rock Lee, Hinata, Ino, even ___Naruto_, but I'd never been as frantic as I was now. People I loved had felt pain, too. But I never reacted the way I did now. Dropping everything and running, just ___running, _even if I didn't know what the problem was. I didn't care. All I needed to know was that he was in the hospital and he'd been hurt. That's all I needed for reasoning.

I barely stopped to check in before I was off again, getting yelled at by people along the way. His room was far and when I got there, I was winded. I rested my hands on my knees and took deep breaths. I waited until my heartbeat was at a relatively normal pace, waited for my chest to stop hurting, waited for my breath to become somewhat even, and waited for my courage to finally pop its head out to me and smile and tell me I can do this. Tell me I was ready to see what was waiting for me on the other side. I hadn't seen him in a few days, and when I last saw him, he'd been scowling at the ground and spoke very curtly. And, yes, my feelings had been hurt, but he'd been healthy, unharmed, unscathed, and ___perfect._

What did he look like now? Was he in pain? Was he intact? Was he healthy? And what or who, in the name of all that was holy, had harmed him? A sudden surge of violence struck me, both familiar and unfamiliar, and it helped me enter the room and face what awaited me with a confidence I almost didn't feel.

Relief, pure and overwhelmingly sweet, filled me as I found a sleeping Sasuke. I walked over and sat down, watching him. It was the fact that he was here before me that calmed me so, and I reached over to touch him, just to know that this was real. His skin was warm, and my fingers tingled, the fire muted while he was unconscious. He did not react, perhaps gave a tiny little twitch, but remained unmoved. In a coma, I'd heard. So all there was to do was wait for him to wake. But that was fine. I had time, and if it was for Sasuke, I had all the time in the world.

~~…~~…~~

I brought a flower for him every day, spoke to him every now and then about how everyone was worried about him, and asked him meaningless things even if I knew he wouldn't answer, all until the day Naruto showed up. He was a burst of warmth and sunlight, and I felt a profound happiness that he was here. I had no time to ask him how he was or if he knew how Sasuke had gotten hurt, because the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen walked in right behind him. She had blonde hair and fair skin, hazel brown eyes and a tiny blue diamond on her forehead. Her lips were painted with pink gloss and her nails were painted a pleasant red. She walked over, heels clacking against the linoleum in purposeful strides. She had such an air of superiority and dominance around her—not to be mistaken with arrogance—that I backed off immediately as she moved to stand beside Sasuke.

I briefly wondered what she was going to do as she made quick hand signs, and then she placed one slender, perfectly manicured hand over Sasuke's forehead. A moment passed, and onyx orbs fluttered open as she pulled her hand away. She took a few steps back as Sasuke slowly sat up, looking dazed and confused. There was a minute of frozen shock in me before I felt an intense pain pierce me, too strong to be relief but too intense to be anything else. I threw my arms around him and cried, just ___cried. _"I was so worried," I whispered into his ear in a shuddering breath. He let me hug him, but did not hug back. I supposed he was too out of it to do anything but willingly let me hold him, in much the same way he'd held me in the Forest of Death, after he'd been bitten. My chin rested just over his mark and I suppressed a shudder at the memory.

He still needed to recover in the hospital, and I had a new spring to my step as I brought new flowers every day, spoke to him about how everyone was doing, ask him meaningless questions that he answered quietly, and now brought him food. I never dared broach the subject of how he'd ended up here in the first place, but felt myself skirting around it every now and then, and the sharp glances he cast me let me know he noticed, too. He was more reserved now. Barely speaking and glaring at his hands. He refused to eat, so I was forced to feed him myself; at first, he'd push me away, but finally relented and allowed me to feed him. Sometimes he'd bite my fingers by accident, but he would instantly lick them in apology, almost like a dog would to his owner. I blush when he does.

Sometimes, he's affectionate, in very rare cases. One example, I'd been fixing a daisy on the small table beside the bed, and when I'd turned, he caught my hand and pulled me to him. His hand had cupped my chin and he'd pulled me down to kiss me lightly on the lips. He went back to his depressed mood but there was a faint blush on his cheeks, whereas my whole face burned. And then there was the day before where he'd suddenly grabbed my hand and held it there on his stomach as he stared up at the ceiling, and slowly, ___slowly_, moved his fingers along the lengths of my own until he intertwined them, our hands snug and warm, pulsing together gently. Now that he was awake, the heat was back full force, and I caught myself staring at his lips many times for long periods of times, and he'd catch me sometimes, about as many times as I caught him staring at my own. But kisses were as rare as they used to be. I was glad and sad to know nothing had changed.

It was a repetitive and pleasing routine until one day it wasn't. One day, he lost it.

Naruto came for a visit, and a dark glint flashed in those black eyes. I tried to convince him to stay but he knocked the plate of food from my hands, and I watched them shatter on the ground as he tossed the sheets off and walked over to where Naruto stood, stunned, at the doorway. As they left to the rooftop, I was torn between picking up the pieces and going after them. There was an ache in my chest at how I'd been treated. Sasuke had been mean to me before, but it was never like this. My hand stung from the contact our skin had made. I was sure he hadn't meant to hurt me, yet there was a strange logic in my brain that said it didn't matter if hadn't meant to, that he still ___did _it. I bit my lip and shook it off, turning to run after them.

I was horrified, terror cooling my pounding heart as I ran up the stairs to the roof. Something awaited me that I was sure I didn't want to see. Something inside me said to turn around, another said to keep going, and the conflict hurt my head. So I kept going. ___Might as well, _I thought, ___I've come this far. _I threw open the metal door, and vaguely heard it clang against the wall. Bed sheets were hung up on thin strings to dry, fluttering in the wind, and my heart clenched painfully at the sight set before me.

_No, _I thought, ___you'll kill each other! _

A ball of wind and a ball of electricity, rushing, crackling, heading toward each other, with black eyes intent on killing and blue eyes filled with remorse. A sight that was beautifully disastrous, promising destruction, and agonizing for me to see. "No!" I heard someone scream, and realized it was me as I ran toward them. No thoughts, no emotions, just the instinct to protect the boy I fell in love with and the boy I've come to cherish as a brother. I knew I would die, but I accepted that. As long as they lived, as long as they existed, as long as they could go on and do what they've always aspired to do, I didn't care. I didn't matter. I was an ant, while they were two mighty lions, brave and courageous and strong like I could never be.

Like I had promised Sasuke I'd be.

And in a flash of white and green, green as the leaf that tickled my cheek with the wind, and blue as the night sky, Kakashi-sensei was there, protecting us like he always did. He twisted and flung them toward the small water towers, letting them take the brunt of the attacks, the metal twisting for Naruto in a small, perfect spiral, and tearing for Sasuke in a horrible way. He glanced over at Naruto and smirked at the small damage. ___He's proud of it, __I_ thought sadly. "Kakashi…sensei…" I breathed. He'd become a symbol of hope to me, a sign that all would be well and that all we had just been through was over. I heaved a sigh; it was over.

"What were you two thinking?" he asked. Right then, he sounded like a father scolding his children, and they certainly looked like two children being scolded. They were both pouting and scowling at the ground as Kakashi lectured them. "That was incredibly dangerous. You could've killed each other. ___Would've _killed each other had I not—" he cut himself off with a _t____sk. _"And what about Sakura?" he demanded. We all snapped our heads up to look at him. Sasuke met my gaze, realization dawning on his face, he blinked and his eyes glistened, horror in them, before he hid his gaze behind his bangs. Naruto kept his eyes on me, mouth agape in disbelief.

"Sakura-chan… Sakura-chan, I—" he began, taking a step toward me.

"You would've killed her, too. You all would've died." A saddened tone crept into his voice. "What am I going to do with you three?" It was a tense moment before either one of us moved. Sasuke turned and jumped to the edge of the building, he only glanced back to give me fleeting look, before he jumped off and vanished over the side.

"Sasuke-kun…" I whispered. Naruto was trembling from where he stood, head bowed and teeth grit. He jumped and landed before me, meeting my eyes determinedly.

"Sakura-chan," he said, "Stay out of this."

I was taken aback. Here I'd thought he'd been apologizing. "But I—"

"This is between me and Sasuke." That was all he said before he, too, was gone. A cold feeling seeped into my bones. We were a team; we were comrades, so why does it feel like we're total strangers all of a sudden? It feels like there's this wide space between me and them. They are far above me, on the same level, and here I stand below them, weak and trembling. I did nothing. I hadn't helped one bit. I just stood there and watched and only tried to stop it at the last minute. I wasn't strong enough. And that glance Sasuke had given me… I grit my teeth to fight off the tears.

"Sakura," Kakashi called. I glanced up just in time to see him flash down to me. He leaned forward until our eyes were level, and he smiled beneath his mask in a reassuring way. "Don't worry. They'll be back to normal soon. I'll make sure of that." He nodded to me and vanished in a puff of white smoke.

Kakashi-sensei always had been a symbol of hope.

(s~h~*~s~u)

_It never ceased to surprise me how warm he was, him being such a cold person. His eyes were wide, a strangely marred innocence I'd found in no one else. His skin was porcelain, smooth and flawless. His hair was black, a bluish tint in the sunlight, and much like silk to me. He was the very last word in beautiful. And he was evil. I supposed it worked together perfectly. His grace and poise, his ____mesmerizing movements, velvet voice and dark gaze would all lure you into him. Into his trap… His unique way with words, the slight curve of a smile on his lovely lips, and his welcoming arms would bring you closer, closer, _closer ___still until, finally, you were his._

_Then you were as good as dead._

_In battle, this worked to kill you. For his enemies, this was his never failing trump card. For me, it was something just a little more. His skills and attacks won't work there. His jutsu, his special eyes, his kunai, all fail here. Only his skin and his hands and his lips will give him the advantage. Only his slight smiles and all-consuming gaze and velvet-laced words and voice will lure me in. Only his body will bring me closer, closer, closer…_

_Until there was no space between us._

_He never lost. But he never won. It wasn't a battle of dominance, nor a fight for anything in particular. Just his needs being met and my hunger for his proximity. I'd asked before, once only, why he hadn't just made do with another girl. Why it had to be me._

"___No one else makes me feel like you do," was all he said. That was more than enough for me._

"___No one makes me feel like you do, too," I'd murmured. His eyes had flashed to my face for a moment, something burning me deeper than any of his touches ever could, and then he turned his attention back to my neck. He hummed in response._

_I never lost. I never won. But he was always gone in the morning._

(s~h~*~s~u)

Night was a dangerous time. Yet I felt no fear tonight as I walked along the streets of my home. The full moon lit my way, painting the world in a silver polish. Wind fluttered my hair every now and then as I strode silently, cooling me. Thoughts plagued me so, and they seemed to do that a lot lately. It was a strange guilt I felt. I hadn't kept my promise to Sasuke. No matter how many times I'd trained, practiced what I knew, I still did not amount to either Naruto or Sasuke. Inadequacy and self-disgust churned in my stomach and I sighed. I failed Sasuke. But…so had he. Almost. He'd almost killed me, even if hadn't known. And he had hurt me. But not the way he'd said he wouldn't. Not physically. Not at all.

I glanced up then to see just who haunted my mind tonight. He walked slowly, casually, but there was a backpack on him that I knew shouldn't have been. "Sasuke-kun," I called. He stopped, shoulders tense, but he didn't turn. I wanted to tell him I was sorry. Tell him how much I wished I could've kept my promise. How much I cared about him. But it dawned on me. "Are you… Where are you going?" I asked, voice small.

"Away," he said after a long pause. "Far away."

"You're leaving?" I breathed. ___No, __I_ thought. Flashes of our times together flooded my mind. Times with our team and times alone. His kisses and his smiles… He would…throw all that away? His answer was his silence, and that was all I needed. "You can't! You can't go!"

"Oh? And why not?" he asked. It was meant to sound taunting, but there was an edge to it, and hope bloomed within me, a sprout. Convince me, it said.

"B-Because," I choked on my own tears, suddenly leaking and trailing down my face. If he was gone…if he were to leave… What would I do without him? I needed him. I needed him to smile at me alone, to kiss me, to answer my questions, to sit with me and read in his bed. Drink tea with me, eat soup with me…sleep in his bed with me… Words I shouldn't ever say bubbled out of me as I realized I would lose all that. "I love you!"

He tensed again, and turned to look at me, eyes wide.

"I'm so in love with you it hurts! And I need you here…to stay here, with me! I need you to always be by my side," I sniffled and looked him straight in the eyes. "We all need you here. Me and all your friends. We care about you…we love you." I took a step forward, trembling now. "Please…"

He turned away and took a step as if to leave.

"Please don't leave me!" I cried. "Take me with you!" He gave a dark chuckle, letting me know that wasn't going to happen. ___Fine then, _a shallow part of me sneered. "If you leave…I'll scream!" He vanished, and I almost fell to my knees, ready to let despair eat me, until I heard his voice behind me.

"Sakura…" he breathed, "…remember what you promised me?" I gave a quick nod. "Don't break that promise. But I… I won't break mine, either." A moment passed and I hoped against hope he was planning on staying, my heart pounding, and breath slow, just like when I'd called out to him that very first time. "You know why I have to go." It all left me then and yet another slash tore at my heart. I closed my eyes at the pain. "I don't…I can't…I ___won't _let you go yet." His hand closed over my wrist and his breath neared my ear. "And I know you can't and won't either. Tell me something…"

"…Anything…" I bowed my head. My tears had stopped. There was no point now.

"Did you mean it?" His voice was broken. "Do you love me?"

"I've always loved you."

His grip tightened on my wrist. "How much? How much do you love me?"

"I told you…"

"What would you be willing to do…for me…for us…to be together?"

"…I'd do anything…"

"Even betray your own village?"

"…"

"Answer me…please."

"Yeah… Yeah, I would."

"I'm not asking you to leave with me. I can't take you."

"Then what…?

An arm wrapped around me. "I will always find you."

"I…I don't understand…"

There was a long pause, in which I felt his breath, hot in my ear, stop for a second. His anxiety. "Sakura…" He let go of me and I waited…for ___anything. _But nothing happened for a long time. His lips pressed lightly to the back of my neck, making me jump slightly. His voice was warm, and infinitely sad. "Thank you…for everything. "

And the whole world went as black as his eyes.

(s~h~*~s~u)

"___How will I show you how to paint?" I asked as he buckled his boots once more. I dressed behind him and was now tying my forehead protector._

"___Next time," he said._

"___Will there be a next time?"_

"___There's always a next time."_

"___What if there isn't?"_

"___Then I'll spend the rest of my life not knowing how to paint."_

"___Do you really want that?"_

"___I…don't know what I want anymore."_

_It was a heavy silence after that. "Do you mean that?"_

_He turned and caught my wrist, pulling me down to where he sat at the end of the bed. His lips brushed mine. "I do."_

"___Do you ever wish you could read minds?"_

"___No," he sighed. "Not with the people around me."_

"___I do. I want to know what you're thinking. Maybe I could tell you what you want."_

_He nipped my bottom lip. "Then I wish you could."_

"___Could we have fallen in love?"_

"___We're already in love."_

"___Do you mean that?"_

_And the world seemed to hang on just that question. His onyx eyes met mine, an ancient sadness I'll possibly never understand and his lips curved ever so slightly, not to trap me but to express his fondness the way it always should have._

"___I don't."_

(s~h~*~s~u)

******A.N.: My head hurts now. **

******Editing sucks eggs. I've spent this whole day fixing and tinkering with the chapters, only eating quick snacks and drinking juice, which tastes too sweet for my tastes, got distracted by an unexpected visit from my friend, and am debating whether I should take a long hot shower and fix my hair. Nah...**

******Anyway, so prepare yourselves, those of you who are reading this for the first time. Next chapter Gaara will officially be shoved into this mess. This story will either make you love him, or hate him. Either is fine. **

******Next chapter: "The Promise of a Lifetime" (…is all I hope I have to say…)**


	7. A Promise of a Lifetime

******A.N.********: Whoa, it's been awhile since I've written this. **

******I am reading the manga again, and am currently caught up once more (my story is off, yes). Cool thing about writing, you have your own imagination fueling you and you can do just about anything. Imagine it: This story is about a dragon slayer named Sakura who has to kill a fairy named Sasuke while using her pet llama, Gaara, to help her... Ah, yes, the creativity is strong with this one.**

******Anyway, so because I've been reading again, I've gotten a newfound interest in Sasuke and Sakura as a couple, for some reason, and have decided to write another story to make up for it. Look for that at some point. I've also gotten an interest in Gaara (always have), so let's see what disasters my mind will come up with next.**

******So, of course, this is where Sakura realizes she ****__****can't ********cope by herself. ******

******Disclaimer********: I'm sorry but I don't own **_****__**Naruto **_******or any of its characters.**

******A Promise of a Lifetime**

"Sasuke-kun!" I cried out. But it was early in the morning and Sasuke was already gone. The sunlight was a gentle pale yellow, stained green from the trees surrounding me. My muscles were sore from sleeping on a hard, cold surface, and my head throbbed painfully. I glanced over to find two stunned Chunin gaping at me, arms burdened by large stacks of books. I quickly wiped at the tears in my eyes and stood from the bench, straightening my back and taking a deep breath to calm myself. "Please," I said in an even tone, surprising myself. "Take me to Lady Tsunade." She was the only person I needed to see. As a shinobi, it was my duty to report back to her what had happened. Yet I felt a tad bit reluctant. I felt like I was betraying Sasuke, though I don't think I could completely explain why if I were ever asked. And I hoped I wouldn't be.

They were already going in the direction I wanted to go, so it wasn't too much of a favor to ask. I walked behind them, rubbing the night chill from my arms, staring down at my steadily moving feet, brows knit close together. The two Chunin spoke in murmurs, mindful of the early hour, and allowed me free reign on my own thoughts. How would I tell the Hokage? What would I say? I didn't know where Sasuke went, where he was going, or why he went. I didn't know what else to tell her other than he left last night and I was the only witness. And I didn't know if I could tell her. Not only because I felt wrong about it, but because I found myself wondering how she'd react. How would she ___feel_? She just saved the boy's life, and here he was, running away, betraying his village.

…___remember what you promised me?_

I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip. The streets were near empty save for a few other shinobi and some early birds. A great big red building loomed over us and my heart picked up double-time. As we walked through the long halls, my mind began to grow numb, the walls turning around me. Thankfully, I walked steadily, somehow. My mind buzzed with thoughts that brought me down. What could I possibly do? I didn't know anything. Why would he leave? What were his intentions? What was the cause? I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't ___know, _and it ___hurt _me. It killed me inside to know that I could give no more information to the Hokage than what I had now. That as a shinobi, I failed.

The closer we got to her office, the more I became depressed. So by the time the polite knock tapped the thick wooden door, a stern, "Come in," answering and allowing us to enter, the doorknob pushed down, a loud ___click _popping my ears, the door pushed in and swinging inward to reveal the beautiful blonde woman who saved the life of the boy I loved, sitting at a great big desk, books and papers scattered about, and a black haired woman smiling kindly and holding a pig standing behind her, I was already lost in my dark thoughts. That stunning blonde woman set aside a document, folding her hands before her and looking us over expectantly. Or, more like, looking at the two men expectantly and then widening her hazel brown eyes at me in surprise. "Oh, hello," was all she seemed to be able to say. Perhaps she saw the disheveled way I stood before her, my messy hair, rumpled clothes, tear-streaked face, puffy cheeks, reddened eyes, pink nose, and furrowed eyebrows, because her face took on a sort of serious, cold expression, and I suddenly didn't know how to speak.

Words babbled around me, mixing together, for my mind was too fuzzy to distinguish what was being said and who was speaking. He was gone. People hurried around, searching for him but he was gone. Couldn't they see that? The hardened look on Lady Tsunade's face did not go away, her eyes on me as she asked me questions, only leaving for a moment to give out orders, allowing me a breath, before they were on me once more. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I was haunted by last night and black eyes and a smooth voice.

_Don't break that promise._

I pressed my lips together and shook my head when they asked if I knew where he was or where he went. I'd been too weak to stop him. Nothing I'd said had gotten through to him. I was useless, even now, being the only witness. I could do nothing. I bowed my head, letting the sadness wash over me, listening to the door close, clear knocks, open, clear words, her stern voice, close, another knock… It was when I heard her fist slam against the desk that I finally looked up again, back up into those eyes. "Get a hold of yourself, Sakura," she commanded. I gulped and took a step back, but I was already against the wall, and only pressed closer. "We have absolutely no time to be moping around, especially not you. This is _y____our __te_ammate, and while you obviously have no real ___useful _information, you're still the only witness. Get your act together while you still can or you'll never live this down."

I blinked, surprised.

She was so strong. She seemed to have absolutely no fear whatsoever. She could very well become a symbol for not only all kunoichi, but all women as well. This determination, this strength, this cold exterior, this calm she held… ___My, _I thought, ___she stands shoulder to shoulder with any other man. She's the perfect successor to any previous Hokage. _And I suddenly felt shame. How weak, how shallow, how absolutely and painfully ___pathetic _I must seem to her, here right now, pouting and whining about something I could've stopped. I shook my head clear. Maybe I ___couldn't _stop him. But I still had to try. I still had to fight. I still had to have hope. But there was a sort of exhaustion in my bones that told me to just ___let it go. _And it was those eyes that held me up now.

_I won't break mine, either._

After a while, she sent me home, and I could do nothing but obey, for a strange, resounding, hollow sound filled me. He was gone. It was finally settling in my stomach, that fact, and it weighed me down considerably. The walk through the dimly lit halls was slow, shinobi running past me and people yelling at each other. I entered a strange trance, thinking strange things. ___How odd, _I thought, ___so many people worrying over one little missing boy… _It was an almost giddy thought that nearly frightened me, completely detached from all my emotions. I gave a big sigh as I finally exited the building, the sunlight now much warmer and a richer golden color. I imagined the gods filling a hot, glowing liquid into a polished pail, gathering and gathering until it almost overfilled, and then finding this little village hidden in the leafs and spilling it down over us, for that was how it looked to me at the moment, standing here before a great big red building, with people scattering around me and shouts still sounding from the windows. I smiled an eerie smile and sighed a heavy sigh.

I took a step forward, weightless, and followed a familiar path back to my house, slipping past people soundlessly.

Again I asked myself just how much Sasuke Uchiha had affected me. My heart was pounding, pulse throbbing in my head, blood rushing in my veins, body light but soul heavy. I was happy and sad, content and depressed, energized and tired, relieved and worried… Another sigh as I walked through the streets, now filled with people who happily went about their merry ways, and I wondered why they weren't as affected by this all as we shinobi, but then I remembered they were regular people. They were normal. We protected them and they lived peaceful lives. Their problems were our problems, but our problems were things we had to handle ourselves. We meant nothing to them, yet we were the sole reason they now lived the way they did and whistled carelessly. We couldn't do that. We had to live our lives on our toes, expecting the unexpected. I guess we have our blindsides, too. Now I wondered how it would be like to live like a normal person…

_You know why I have to go._

My house was empty, family off to work, so I had no problem eating something quick and then going to take a bath without any bothers. A new set of clothes, crisp against my skin, and my hair finely brushed, and now I sat on my bed, staring out the window, fiddling with my forehead protector on my lap. My mind now rang like an empty bell, a head splitting pain in my skull that I just ___barely __i_gnored, and a trembling in my lower lip I couldn't stop. My fingers shook and I tucked them under me, resting my chin on my knees as I leaned against the wall and let my eyes wander the entire expanse of my room. The walls were blank, painted a light and comforting beige, a small plant in the corner, atop my desk where I kept a photo of my team and a few notebooks and scrolls, some broken pencils and dried out pens. A mirror, between a wooden yellow wardrobe and the desk, cleaned into a shine that cast a strange light across the wooden floor, dust particles dancing within it. After clicking my teeth and wiggling my toes, I slowly unfolded my legs, one by one placing them on the warm ground and sliding off the bed. Another moment and I stood, padding over heavily and standing before the mirror silently.

I contemplated myself. Short, chin length, pale pink hair, still damp from my bath, sticking to my cheeks and neck; fair skin, slightly tanned from the sun I spent so much time in as a shinobi, smooth and well taken care of; wide, clear green eyes, framed by black lashes that were slightly curled, not long and not plentiful, but prominent enough; small lips, the color of pale rose petals, and smooth, if my fingertips tracing over them told me anything; average height, average build, average figure, and average looks… I clenched my fists and grit my teeth. An average girl was what I was. He was ___beautiful. _And compared to me, he was absolutely ___stunning__, perfection manifested in a cold boy_. What had he seen in me? What had he liked about me? Why had he kissed me? Why had he touched me? Why had he treated me the way he had? What were his motives? And why, ___why _hadn't he ever let me get close to him?

A sob tore through my teeth. My eyes fluttered and my entire body shook. This was the first time I'd ever seen myself cry, and I was not a pretty sight. My eyes glistened, inhumanly bright from the sunlight. A blush spread over my cheeks, nose glowing red, eyes pink and I immediately wrapped my arms around myself, bowing my head and letting the tears stream along my nose to drip to the floor, unable to look at my pathetic self any longer. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt, it hurt, ___it hurt… _I fell to my knees and let the despair eat me, the way I wanted to when he left. ___He left._

_I _won't ___let you go yet._

I must've been quite the sight, lying here on the floor, ___broken, _and weeping like a lost child who had lost their entire world. Exhaustion was the aftermath of my sorrows, and I rolled on to my back, gazing up at the ceiling, but not really seeing it. The tears that gathered at my eyes didn't allow it, and neither did the pale face I kept seeing in my mind, behind my eyelids. I blinked and the hot, clear liquid rolled down my cheeks, cooling on my skin as they dried. My chest heaved and I winced as another stab of pain in my heart pierced me, and I wondered why, ___why _it was me he had chosen to hurt this way. I wasn't selfish enough to wish this on someone else. I wasn't cruel enough to give this pain to anyone else. But I was still childish enough to wish it wasn't me.

Childish. Yes, I was childish. Shallow and stupid and girlishly weak. But he was childish, too, I could see that now. ___He _was the selfish one. ___He _was the cruel one. And ___he _did this to me. And if ever it was the right time to claim revenge, it was now, from a brokenhearted girl to a cold boy. And if ___that _was childish, then by God, I was a child. I'd admit that any day if that was what it took. But as I looked at my hands, limp beside me, interlocked loosely with the other, I wasn't sure how to go about doing it.

_Do you love me?_

I had a new objective. I would ___not _be weak. I would ___not _be useless. I would be strong and I would be tough. First, I had to find out how. How did Naruto become strong? Training. Always training. Always, always, always training. Alright then. I could do that. Rock Lee, Hinata, Tenten, Neji, Kiba… All of them got to where they were from training. I could do that, too. I just needed motivation. I had that now. I needed a goal. Check that, too. I had all I needed. Now I needed to take action.

I pushed myself up slowly, standing from my spot and shaking off my vertigo. I tied the forehead protector and gave a nod at my reflection, hopping down the stairs and slipping my feet into my sandals. I double checked the amount of kunai I had, the shuriken, and set off to the training grounds.

I'd find a way to get stronger. Even if I had to claw my way up to the level Sasuke and Naruto stood at, I would. Anything, ___anything _to keep that stupid promise, and bring Sasuke back. There were a lot less people running around, and the sun was no longer the rich gold it was earlier. Now a soft orange glow, a few shinobi dashing along the rooftops, and people heading home or off to restaurants. It was a clear way to the training grounds, and it was a quick walk there. I started off stretching, loosening up my muscles. I'd try my flexibility, doing slow cartwheels and flips. Then my speed, doing small laps around the field. I was starting off well, which pleased me exponentially. It, at least, took my mind off the ache in my chest.

_What would you be willing to do…for us…to be together?_

"Sakura?" I stopped short, skidding across the floor, eyes wide.

"Tenten," I murmured. She was an oddly pretty girl. Tanned skin and with dark brown eyes and dark brown hair, a gentle smile and a gleam in her eyes. I remembered how quick she'd been in the Chunin exams, how strong… "Do you want to train with me?" I asked.

"Sure," she said, her smile widening, warming her face more. "But I won't go easy on you," she warned, tensing into a battle stance.

"Wouldn't want it any other way," I grinned.

"Good." She fired off a multitude of kunai immediately, wasting no time to begin. I somersaulted, rolled, flipped, twisted, and dodged all she threw at me. It was hard work. I worked up quite a sweat. My muscles burned and I panted, salty liquid rolling down my face. My hair stuck to my skin and my clothes clung more than they should, but I welcomed it. Now the ache in my heart was replaced by an ache in my entire body, purely physical and unrelated to Sasuke. Tenten would throw wood in the fire every now and then, taunting me lightly. "Lee could do so much better, even now!" or "Neji does better half asleep!" And it drove me on. I was grateful to her. Who would've thought Tenten, of all people, could comfort me? She must've seen it in my eyes, because she gave a bright smile, a nod, and another flurry of shuriken and kunai that had me up and going again.

Something about her made me feel at home, the fire in her eyes and the smile on her face. It reminded me of our village, our spirit embodied in her, and I felt a strange sadness in me.

_Even betray your own village?_

She treated me to some tea afterward, complimenting me on my hard work. "What's the cause?" she asked suddenly, nibbling on some sweet bread as she leaned back and regarded me with her ever-shining eyes.

"What do you mean?" I blinked at her, sipping more tea and wiping some sweat from my brow.

"All of a sudden," she explained, turning her eyes toward the sky. "I've never seen that look in your eyes. Not that I know you all that well. But still." She raised her thin, fine eyebrows at me.

Suddenly, I felt I could trust her. I needed someone to talk to, and the need forced me to speak before I could think. "Sasuke-kun…left."

She widened her eyes in surprise and then tilted her head slightly back. "Is that why Neji's leaving on that mission? To bring him back?"

"What?" I choked out. "When?"

"Tomorrow. Shikamaru's leading the group."

Vaguely, I remembered he'd recently become a Chunin, but to place him as leader of such a mission, and so soon…It seemed so reckless and dangerous… I shook my head. If anyone could handle this, it was Shikamaru. If I knew him as well as I thought, I knew he could do this. "Who's in it?" I asked, fearing the answer.

She numbered them off with her fingers. "Kiba, Choji, Neji, and Naruto."

I winced. "Tomorrow?"

She nodded. "That's what I heard. First thing."

I remembered his blue eyes, and that look in them, his tone dark as he told me to stay out of his fight with Sasuke. I had fully intended to do just that, but it had become my fight, too. This morning, just now, and with what happened last night, it became mine, too. Maybe I couldn't be part of the mission—not with the fact that I'd hold them back—but I still had to say my word in it. I stood. "Thank you, Tenten. You really helped me out."

"Anytime," she said lightly, waving her hand. As I walked away, she called, "And I mean that! I had a lot of fun today! We should train again sometime!"

I offered her a smile and a nod over my shoulder. "I'd like that."

_I can't take you._

I needed another bath, and took a very long one after dinner with my parents. The hot fumes offered me some clearance for a few minutes. I wondered what to say to Naruto tomorrow, formed a perfect statement in my mind, and rehearsed it before the mirror in my robe after I was done. I blinked at myself and yanked the curtains over the window and gave a small sigh. I loosened the belt around my waist slowly, keeping my eyes on my own. I pulled the sides of the robe away, letting it hang at my sides. The low light of the lamp threw shadows across my body. The gentle slope of my collarbone, the tiny swells of my so-called breasts, my slightly hardened belly that was only soft because of my baby fat, the small shadows my narrow hipbones caused, then down lower where I didn't really ever look…

I looked a lot like a child, just a lot taller. My breasts were hardly breasts, I was flat as a board, but they were what they were. I hoped that they'd grow bigger. Perhaps I was a late bloomer. That didn't comfort me. What had he ever ___seen _in me? I let my hands cup my breasts, and they did not fill my hands in the slightest. I didn't feel the jolt of excitement and electricity I did when Sasuke had touched me, just the warmth of my hands against warmer skin. I sighed and gave up my short-lived and unpleasant search. I hung my robe on a hook and fumbled through my drawers for my pajamas. I glared at my small bra, angrily putting it on. I rarely ever matched my underwear. Maybe I should've. But my mother told me that was unnecessary unless I wanted someone to see me, all the while looking at me darkly and saying that she hoped that wasn't the case anytime soon. I vowed I'd start when I turned fifteen. That was two years from now, and my growth did not look promising. I flopped into my bed, throwing the blankets over myself.

With Sasuke gone, I really had no reason to care anymore… I shook my head. ___Have hope, _I thought. I'd been saving myself for him, secretly—girlishly—hoping we'd get married one day, so I could give him my innocence as a gift. I rubbed my eye, staring up at the ceiling, the small cracks and imperfections there. Most of the time, or, more like, ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, I never noticed the little flaws there. I supposed time got you used to them. Perhaps he'd learn to get used to my own imperfections as well. Perhaps he'd one day see past them. Accept them as they were. I reached over and clicked off the light, rolling to my side to sleep.

~~…~~…~~

I woke a lot earlier than usual, after a long night of restless sleep. I brushed my hair and put on a fresh pair of clothes, reciting my words carefully. After I was sure I had it down perfectly, I set out toward the gates. The thought of seeing his bright blue eyes, wide as always and ever hopeful and kind, made me almost turn back around. That type of intensity… It was so different from Sasuke's, so much warmer and sweeter. I didn't think I could handle it right now. As the two large, green gates came into view, so did the five boys that would bring back Sasuke. Kiba, excited and exuberant as always. Choji, munching away at some chips happily. Neji, stoic and calm. Shikamaru, rubbing the back of his head as Naruto laughed cheerfully. Shikamaru noticed me first, nodding at me for Naruto.

He turned on me, blue eyes wide and ___kind. _"Oh, hey Sakura-chan. How's it going? What are you doing here?"

"Hey, Naruto," I said. My voice came out weakly, my emotions getting the better of me. It was the familiarity there, the friendliness that did not change despite all that had happened, that broke my already feeble composure.

Naruto, for some reason, did not fail to notice. "What's wrong, Sakura-chan?"

"Sasuke-kun…" I breathed. He blinked at me, eyes widening as tears gathered in my eyes. What happened to all the time I'd spent in front of the mirror? What happened to all the control I'd thought I'd had? "Please, Naruto… Please bring Sasuke-kun back!" I clutched at myself to hold what bits of me I could. "Please... I couldn't... I couldn't stop him myself... I..."

And when that smile crossed Naruto's face, my heart gave a light flutter I didn't know it could, cutting off my unsteady train of thought. "Don't you worry, Sakura-chan! I'll bring back Sasuke no matter what!" He gave a thumbs up, his smile widening to a grin. "It's a promise of a lifetime!" My heart throbbed, and I clutched a hand over it, smiling sadly at him as he turned and join the others to go.

_Thank you, _I thought, watching them all leave the village. "Naruto…" I whispered as they disappeared into the distance. ___He'll definitely bring him back, _I nodded. But there was a strange sinking feeling in my stomach, as if all of this would be pointless. I chewed my lower lip and headed off to the training fields, deciding to burn it off with training. I found Tenten walking along the streets and offered her a smile. "Can I take you up on your offer?" I asked. She grinned.

"Hell yeah you can!" She looped her arm through mine and we walked together to the fields, talking amiably of nonsensical things. Yeah, this could be a good way to take my mind off of things. And as sweat drenched my clothes and dripped off the ends of my short hair, I felt that the fact that Sasuke was gone…was all just in my imagination. "C'mon, Sakura, stop slacking off!" Tenten yelled.

"Hah!" I scoffed, pulling out my own kunai and blocking a few of her shuriken. If this didn't make me stronger, it at least got me in shape.

~~…~~…~~

Two days straight of training nonstop with Tenten, sweating and working my ___ass _off, and the news came that Shikamaru's team was back. Everyone was injured, two in critical condition, and I took the time to buy them flowers, even bought some for the Sand Siblings, who I heard had helped us in our time of need.

I visited Kiba, who was bandaged around his torso and biting his nails worriedly at his dog who was whimpering as his older sister checked him. I placed a yellow daisy on the stand and patted his arm; he offered a kind smile and went back to Akamaru. Next, Lee, who slept soundly. I gave him a tulip and, after a thought, placed a kiss to his forehead for being so sweet. He hadn't originally been on the team, but he had wanted to do what he can, and that, for me, was more than enough. He had recently recovered from his surgery, and had still needed a few more weeks to relax himself back into his life. But Lee, as anyone knew, was not one to idle about. I smoothed down his bangs and stepped away to leave him be.

After that, Gaara, who silently accepted the flower, a white anemone, taking it in his hand carefully, sniffing it gently, delicately. He wore a red, long-sleeved outfit rather than the pajamas every other patient was required to wear, perhaps because he was planning to leave later, after his required recovery.

I pushed open the curtains. "You need to get a little light in here," I chastised him kindly. His pale green eyes met mine slowly and his lips parted. He wasn't wounded severely, but he had many bruises, one on his cheek and under his jaw, another near his throat that disappeared beneath his clothes. I wondered how he, as invincible as he'd seem, and with that sand that always seemed hellbent on protecting him, had come to get them.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, rough voice filled with remorse, catching me off guard. I paused straightening the curtains and turned to look at him fully. He was still holding the flower, in his lap as he looked at me, pallid eyes oddly kind.

"For what?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"I hurt you," he stated bluntly. A brief memory of the Chunin Exams passed in my mind, the pain of being violently slammed into a tree, sand scratching deep into my skin, and blackness overcoming my conscious, an afterthought of a worry of whether Sasuke would be safe or not. I did not shudder and did not feel fear at the thought, only a quick sense of doubt and concern that passed as soon as it came.

I waved it off, smiling. "It's alright. It's all a thing of the past." I walked toward the door, sandals scraping the ground and breaking the silence that followed my reassurance. "Now you rest up. I'm sure Sunagakure will want you back soon. And…thank you." I looked at him, smiling sincerely. "Thank you for helping us. I know it was to repay a debt…but it was still awfully kind of you." He looked surprised for a moment, and then slowly relaxed, eyes warming.

His lips curved up slightly, and I decided I liked that look. Any look was better than the blood thirsty, hateful look he'd had before, but this was the best. I hoped he'd one day find the peace he seemed to be heading toward. We nodded at each other a goodbye, sliding the door shut behind me quietly, and then I was off to see Naruto.

The halls were dark and empty, and I held fast to the last remaining flower in my hands, coming to a stop just outside a door, reaching out and taking hold of the handle, pausing when I heard voices coming from inside.

I hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but in the dim hallway, devoid of anyone else, I couldn't help it. I didn't know what to feel. ___Sasuke…isn't…he didn't come back… __I _wasn't going to cry. I couldn't. There was no way. I ___couldn't—_"Sakura," a stern voice greeted. I looked up. Her beauty never ceased to strike me voiceless. Her eyes narrowed gently as she smiled a warm smile. "Visiting Naruto I see."

"Ah, yes," I said, bowing as she neared, pulling my hand from the handle, her heels clacking against the floor evenly.

"I was just about to check up on him," she said, a simper on her lightly glossed lips. "Shall we?" She opened the door, confident as always, and walked in with a perfect posture. Naruto sat, bandaged, in the bed, blue eyes guilty and sad. Shikamaru sat at the end of the bed, looking at me with his eyes tight and lips pressed together. "How are you doing?" she asked Naruto, hands on her hips.

"I'm fine," he murmured distractedly, his eyes on me. "Sakura-chan—"

"Well, you look just terrible," I teased, interrupting him, forcing a smiled and clasping my hands behind me to keep myself from punching something. I wasn't mad. I wasn't frustrated. I was filled with so many emotions I didn't know what to do with all of them, an energy in me I knew that wasn't healthy.

"Sakura-chan—" he tried again.

"Why is it so dark in here?" I asked lightly, walking over to the window and drawing away the curtains, letting the afternoon sunlight stream into the room. "It looks so gloomy in here." I rested my hands on the windowsill, leaning forward and staring outside, watching some kids play, birds fly, and grass sway.

"Sakura-chan, I'm so sorry!" he finally got out, exasperated. His voice grew sad, soft, the way it always did when he regretted something deeply. "I… I couldn't bring Sasuke back." I didn't respond, ignoring the pang in my chest. Naruto surely felt sad, too, perhaps not in the same way, but every bit as much… Naruto had lost his best friend, and I my… What was Sasuke to me? I mulled over that for a few moments, chewing my lower lip. "I tried so hard… I-I promise you Sakura-chan, I promise I'll get stronger! I promise I'll bring Sasuke back!"

"I know you will," I murmured, and he immediately quieted down. "It's okay, Naruto," I reassured. "I ___know _you will." I looked over at him, straightening. "But I'm not gonna let you do it alone. Sasuke-kun is my teammate, too. And I'm gonna do everything in my power to bring him back as well." I faced him fully, letting a rueful smile cross my face; he reacted positively, blue eyes gleaming and his face brightening. "I promise you I'll get stronger, too." A grin broke out on his face and he gave a laugh, astonished.

Both Lady Tsunade and Shikamaru smiled at us. I felt happy, or as happy as I could be at the moment, that we had support. I knew if I ever felt like giving up, I'd have people to push me forward again. A pleasant feeling bubbled in my stomach and I joined Naruto in his relieved laughter. Soon, so did Shikamaru and Lady Tsunade.

~~…~~…~~

_I will always find you._

My eyes snapped open, breathless, looking around at the blackness around me. A silhouette at my door startled me, and I sat up, frantically clicking on the light. A great gust of breath left me as I realized it was just my robe, hung at the door. My pounding heart wouldn't let me fall back asleep. There was a blush on my face, I knew, and I couldn't get enough air. A horrible dream, a wonderful nightmare, filled with snake eyes and chilling laughter. I shivered as I realized I knew where Sasuke was.

Now I was grateful he hadn't taken me. I didn't think I could handle being in the same room with ___him _again, for ___any _amount of time. "Sasuke-kun…" I whispered, closing my eyes. What had he meant? I still didn't understand. He never explained… I pieced together everything he'd said before he'd left me, trying to connect them in some way. But none of it fit together. What did he mean when he'd said he'd always find me? I wasn't hiding. And if he wanted me, why had he left?

I sighed, rubbing my eyes. Sasuke Uchiha would always be a mystery to me.

~~…~~…~~

"Oh, hello," was her surprised greeting. "What brings you by today?" Slender, pale digits froze, cradling a smooth, faded green brush. She'd been in the middle of paperwork, but she didn't seem to mind the interruption. She seemed to welcome it. She laid the brush aside and leaned back in her chair, smiling openly and raising her thin, blonde eyebrows at me, a cue for me to speak.

I bowed respectfully. "I've come to request something of you." I had taken me a few days of consideration, a few days of hard training with my new friend, a few days of agonizing over my weaknesses, and I had come to the conclusion that I seemed to be getting nowhere. Sure I was getting quicker, my reflexes better, but I realized something that brought me to an abrupt standstill. Naruto and Sasuke both got stronger in a completely different way. Finding something they were good at and training hard at that. While my Genjutsu wasn't all that bad, that wasn't a good strong point. I needed something better, something more helpful. I'd always told myself that I wanted to become more useful to my teammates, and what could be more useful than a medical ninja?

"And what would that be?" she asked. Her tone gave me hope. She was a lot more friendly, kind to me, and I realized she was making up for the way she'd treated me before. I felt that, maybe that would help me, draw her toward my own favor.

"Please," I said, "I would like to be your apprentice." She blinked at me, caught off guard. "You know the reasons why, and you know my motives." I straightened, squaring my shoulders.

She smiled. "I've heard about you. They say you have a strong will and that you have a fine mind." She looked me over, thoughtful. I could see the wheels turning in her eyes, thinking about all I've been through, the things I've done, and the things I'm capable of, and I saw her eyes harden. "Very well then," she murmured.

I let out a breath, a fluttery feeling in my stomach. ___Hope, _I thought. I felt hope. And happiness and excitement and—___this _was what I needed all along. ___This _was the push I needed to go on. Like a rock down a hill, gaining momentum and speed as it went.

"I won't go easy on you," she warned, and there was a rush of pleasant nostalgia within me as I grinned.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," I said. She grinned back, eyes gleaming.

_Sasuke-kun, _I thought, walking back toward my home after I'd been dismissed. Tomorrow would be my first day. Tomorrow would be the start of something big. ___I will get stronger. And I will bring you back home to me._

"It's a promise of a lifetime," I breathed into the wind. And, in my mind, I felt his smile.

~~…~~…~~

******A.N.********: Sorry I used quotes from my last chapter and then decided not to let her react to them. I just felt they'd help. **

******So, there's Gaara. Haha, I should tell you. Originally, while I had first written this, Gaara wasn't going to be a part of it, and I was confused as to how to go about writing any of it and how it would end. And then, boom, add another character to support Sakura—being Gaara—and then from there my mind built up the rest. It was fantastic.**

******The next chapter will be split up between two points of views: Sakura's and Sasuke's. This is why I will get headaches. Anyways, please review. **

******Next Chapter********: Sasuke's regrets and Sakura's motivation!**


	8. Torn and Abused part 1

******A.N********: This chapter is split into two, one in Sakura's perspective, the other in Sasuke's. When I wrote it, it was the ****__****most ********aggravating and frustrating and difficult thing I could've ever worked on and I was only glad when it was over—of course, that wasn't the case once I had to work on the time skip and whatnot. So I hope to all heaven you enjoy it, even those of you that have already read it.**

******I don't think I ever mentioned this, but I have dyslexia, so I have to ****__****always******** go back and edit the hell out of these things (see, even just now I misspelled the, edit, and misspelled). And I really hope one day I could fix that. Now that I think about it, I should probably get a beta... Anyone up for it?**

******Anyway, please enjoy.**

******Warning********: Mature content…sort of.**

******Disclaimer********: I do not own **_****__**Naruto.**_

******Torn and Abused part 1**

I could now officially heal things.

It was a wonderful feeling, a silent accomplishment that I prided myself in. I even tried it out on myself. Just a small cut on my fingertip, and it closed over perfectly under a glow of pale green. I smiled to myself; I was on my way. First with fish, then with small animals, then with moderate sized pets, and then with humans… Soon, I'll be able to heal bigger gashes, not just small paper cuts. Soon, I would be useful.

I stood at my balcony, in the middle of watering my plant, enjoying my day off. But there was an energy in my body that kept my hands trembling and mind whirling with thoughts. I was restless. I wanted to get going, learn new things. But I needed this time to practice. And practice I did, only on myself. I made sure to not go too far. I had to know my limits, vast as they currently were.

I glanced up at the sky and sighed as a breeze ruffled my hair. Naruto had gotten out of the hospital and was now getting back to training, vowing to me with his fiery eyes that he would absolutely keep his promise; Rock Lee was back to his antics as well, despite Lady Tsunade's warnings not to; Kiba was taking it slow with Akamaru; Neji was progressively practicing, and Choji was taking it easy with his food. The Sand Siblings returned to their village and Shikamaru was now taking up more missions. It seemed we had all been affected by Sasuke's leaving and were now hard at work. That fact both pleased and saddened me. Had we been so moved by his betrayal that we had to prove ourselves more than what we already were?

There was a void in my life, now, as I sat down on the edge of my bed and stared at my desk ahead of me, still too much time at the end of every lesson, too much to think about at the end of every day, and still too many questions on my mind. Asking myself if I was really making any progress and asking why I didn't have more confidence. I wondered why he left and I wondered how he was. I wondered if he missed us and I wondered how much stronger he'd gotten. It'd been six months, and whatever news came turned up useless. They moved around a lot and had no consistency. They were sporadic in their choices and didn't have a clear objective. I wondered how he felt about that. But the thing I wondered most: What is he doing ___right now_?

Training. I was sure. Hard at work getting stronger, locked on to his goal, that goal he hardly muttered to me when I would ask, eyes hard and voice dark... Did he think of me? Did he forget what he'd said? I scratched my arm lightly and closed my eyes. I hoped not, because I never did. I never, ever did. My mind didn't allow it. My dreams wouldn't let me. My heart would rather stop beating than let me forget.

_I will always find you._

It always seemed to be the main structure to my nightmares. His voice, near my ear in a whisper, telling me, promising me he'd seek me out. I yearned for him. If only just once, I wanted to embrace him, kiss him…touch him…somehow, just a brush of my fingers along his face, that finely sculptured face. Just once. That was all I asked. That was all I wished for. Every night, every day, every ___single waking moment_, I longed to see him, just once… Which was why I now poured myself into this training, into all of my lessons…it was for him. I willed myself to get stronger, and tittered happily whenever I saw that pleased gleam in my lady's hazel brown eyes. She'd grown warmer to me. She now had a fond look on her face when she saw me, speaking to me in soft tones that made me grow just as fond of her. She told me that I was her prized apprentice, the most accomplished, and that I showed the most potential. It made me feel that maybe, finally, I had found my place. And I was proud of myself.

Something I hadn't been in a long, long time.

~~…~~…~~

And then came the day of that fateful mission. Around the same time everything became more intense. We were sent to the Wind Country, all of us, all eleven: Neji, Rock Lee, Tenten, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Shikamaru, Choji, Ino, Naruto, and I. The Sand Siblings had become instructors, and Gaara had lost his student. I was there to heal them, the only job I had, a very difficult and overwhelming job—now more so hands-on—and it had taken a lot out of all of us. But we'd learned a few new things there. Or, at least, I had.

I had seen a side of Gaara I had never seen before. The determination on his face, to protect us and save his student, was one I one day wanted to have. His pallid eyes set and teeth grit, pushed to his very limits, and unwilling to give up. There was a change in him as well, and I knew then that we had ___all _been changed, drastically at that. He was gentle now, kind, and quite considerate. But I knew this change had nothing to do with Sasuke. This change was all Naruto's influence. And the way they smiled at one another, regarded and treated each other, made me realize this was a bond that could never be broken, different than Sasuke's in every way. Their suffering had brought them together, not rivalry, and they both seemed content with one another, almost like brothers.

And I was ___glad. _I was happy that Naruto had found someone he could relate to in many ways. I was overjoyed to know that there was someone who could understand Naruto. And, most of all, I was happy for Gaara, because he'd been affected in the very best way.

For the better.

~~…~~…~~

Gaara ended up in the hospital again, wrapped in bandages and clothed in the pajamas the hospital offered, and I visited him with another flower, a white lily this time. Once again, he held out his hand for it, slender fingers open in a friendly manner, taking it gently, and sniffing it lightly, his eyes closing briefly, black lids shielding his pallid eyes. He must've seen the question in my own eyes when he finally looked at me again, and lowered the lily from his nose. "My sister has always had a fondness of flowers. I suppose it rubbed off on me some," he explained sheepishly.

I couldn't help but beam at him when he said that. I found it sweet that someone that had been so destructive once, who was so strong, could be so delicate and like delicate things. It was an endearing aspect.

I opened the curtains. "What did I tell you the last time?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips in mock-anger. His eyes seemed to laugh and his lips curled up again in that smile from before, warm and kind. There was a moment, a sweet moment that tickled me in my stomach. It scared me a little. "How are you?" I asked to distract myself.

"I'm quite well," he murmured, looking around a little helplessly before placing the flower in the small vase I'd brought in. "A little sore," he admitted, "but…" He carefully fixed the tiny leafs and petals bringing them closer to the sunlight and then resettling himself in the bed, smoothing down the sheets absentmindedly as he thought. His pale green eyes flickered around the room, taking in the ceiling and floor and colors. "Konoha has always been quite amazing in medical terms. I feel just fine…" he trailed off, his eyes meeting mine quickly in a timid way.

I realized what his silence implied and gave a light laugh. "But they insist you stay in bed," I finished for him.

"Exactly," he said with a nod.

"Naruto shares in that frustration," I said, "always complaining about getting back to training because of—" I cut myself off, swallowing thickly at the pain in my chest, sudden and unexpected as it was.

"Because of Sasuke Uchiha," Gaara finished for me. His eyes were tender, understanding, and I was grateful for him. He, at least, seemed to understand that I couldn't speak of him easily. Strange, because he wasn't even from this village; he couldn't possibly be so considerate to my feelings…couldn't possibly know how much I hurt.

"Yes," I whispered, lowering my eyes.

"I certainly see why," he said, his pale green eyes straying toward the window. He looked…different in this light. His skin was pale and smooth, soft looking, his green eyes glowing in the sunlight, a reflecting expression in them, gentle as always now. He looked strangely innocent, I realized. His short red hair was messy, tangled, and I felt like combing it, fixing it. His lips curved again and I felt strangely flustered, rubbing my cheek with the back o my hand as heat rose to them. "I know it won't all go to waste," he said. I pushed away my confusion and sighed. I was happy. He believed in Naruto. "And you?" he asked suddenly, his eyes snapping back to mine.

"What about me?" I asked, curious.

"You're training as well, I see," he elaborated, "so you must have the same exact goal."

_How observant of him_, I thought in surprise. "Well…yeah. Yeah, I guess I do. I… He was my teammate, too, and… I…"

"You don't need to explain," he said kindly. "I understand."

___Yes, I suppose you do_, I thought. I smiled, which he returned in that faint, unsure way he always did. I bowed. "Thank you, Gaara-san," I said, polite.

"Hey! Are you just gonna ignore me or something?" We both looked over to where Naruto sat in the next bed, sheets crumpled around him and hair mussy from sleep. He stared at us, blue eyes burning brightly. I stared at him while Gaara's smile widened slightly in a amiable way, eyes warming.

"Yeah," I said, "we were."

"Ah, Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined. "You're so mean sometimes! I know Gaara would never ignore me!" He looked over to Gaara but found him fidgeting with the flower. He blinked and glanced up at Naruto, looking sheepish again. "Gaara!"

"Oh would you just shut up?" I snapped, walking forward and pulling the curtains between them, cutting him off. "Gaara-san needs to rest and so do you!" He fumed behind the curtain, I could feel it. I turned and smiled at Gaara once more. "Don't want to keep you here too long." I froze, thinking I might've come off wrong. "I mean—"

"No, you're right," he reassured, shifting under the covers and lying down. He gazed up at me. "Thank you." I smiled again and nodded, walking to the door. "And," he added as I placed a hand on the handle. I looked back curiously. "Good luck." I knew what he meant and, again, felt grateful for him. I gave another nod and slid open the door, walking out and sliding it shut. I gave another sigh, ignoring the strange pang in my chest.

~~…~~…~~

The next day, the Sand Siblings set off to their village, and Naruto had set off on his own journey. He left with Jiraiya, one of the Legendary Great Sannin. Naruto was going to get stronger. He was already so strong… I wasn't going to be left behind. I had to kick it up a notch.

And I knew exactly how I was going to do that.

~~…~~…~~

The day was quite beautiful. The sun bright and shining, the clouds looking as if they'd been painted carefully on the sky with a fine brush, neat and fluffy, a refreshing breeze whisking by every now and then, and a light song passed along by the birds. I stretched to loosen my muscles, listening to their tune and waiting for the one person I'd been wanting to see all day. I took a deep breath. It had taken quite a bit of courage to speak up, and it had taken some persuasion as well. But finally I'd gotten my point across. Finally I was taking another big step toward my goal.

"Good morning," a familiar voice said from behind me, turning as she approached, her blonde ponytails billowing in the wind. She had a red bag slung over her shoulder, walking easily and smiling warmly. She dropped the bag between us and rolled her head from side to side to loosen a crick.

"Good morning," I bowed. As she loosened the strings of the bag and took out a bunch of basketballs, soccer balls, and footballs, I asked, "What are we learning today?"

She spaced them apart in a single line, tossing the bag aside and taking a few steps back, gesturing for me to do that same. "Tell me," she said evenly, stepping around my question, "What is the most important skill for a Medical Ninja to have?"

"That's easy," I replied lightly, "Ninjutsu, to heal the wounded."

"Wrong," she corrected, crossing her arms.

Surprised, I spluttered, "Genjutsu?"

She sighed. "No, Sakura." She pinched the bridge of her nose and thought for a moment. "Imagine being sent out on a dangerous mission and there is only one medical ninja. What do you think would happen if the medical ninja were to be wounded or killed?"

"There would be no one to heal the rest," I murmured, eyebrows furrowing.

She nodded once. "Exactly. The absolute most important skill to have as a medical ninja is to dodge."

"Dodge?" I asked, perplexed.

"Yes. If you were to be hit with anything—be it a jutsu or a weapon—you would be putting not only the mission, but your whole team in jeopardy." She bent and picked up a ball, holding it out in one hand and pointing at me with the other. "I'm going to throw these at you and you are going to do everything in your power to avoid them."

"But—" I began, but it ended in a scream as I jumped away from a ball soaring toward me. A hard rumbling in the ground and a massive crater split the ground. ___S-strong, _was all I got to think before another came at me, slamming into my side as I tried to jump away. It exploded and I hissed at the slight burning in my skin.

"Come on, Sakura!" she yelled at me, kicking up a storm. "Get your act together!"

If I had thought working with Tenten was hard, now I regretted it. This was hundreds of times worse. I was on the ground, panting, exhausted and worn out. I glanced over and grimaced. She was setting them back into their line.

Needless to say, I was grateful when she finally dismissed me at sundown.

My entire body hurt. Everything was sore and I now sported new bruises. I took an hour in the bath, mostly just sitting there and sinking lower into the water, making bubbles with my mouth and shutting my eyes slowly, only cleaning the sweat and dirt from me at the last minute. I didn't have the energy to button any buttons or tie any strings. So I merely went to sleep in a light shirt and my underwear. I drifted into a deep sleep, a mostly dreamless sleep.

The only thing I dreamt of was black eyes and a pale face. But that was nothing new. He'd been the object of my imagination for so long now. Every dream began and ended the same, with his betrayal and departure. Sometimes, the kisses we'd shared before would mix into the dreams, stabbing me in the heart with a rusty dagger. I supposed the soreness in my muscles provided me with just a semblance of peace, a slow thrum in my bones and muscles as my body tried to recover, and only a few faint whispers of his memory brushing my mind.

At least I wouldn't wake up crying.

~~…~~…~~

I woke to the face I had dreamt of.

His onyx eyes were warm, a small smile on his face, but an air about him that put me off. Yet the suspicion was shoved away as elation and bliss filled me to the brim. He was here. He was here. Oh my… ___He was here. _Alive and in the flesh, sitting at the edge of my bed, leaning over me… His form blurred for a moment, causing me to panic, but he reached over slowly, eyes narrowing slightly.

He was careful as he wiped away my tears with the edge of my sheets, and I noted that I had failed my own goal, but it didn't seem to matter to me. I couldn't believe it. I reached up and touched him, ___touched him, _and found he was every bit as real as I had hoped, warm and soft. I couldn't get a straight sentence out but he seemed to understand me.

"Didn't I tell you already?" _I____ will always find you._

"I thought you had forgotten," I breathed. He wore a long sleeved black shirt, black pants, and black sandals. All black. His skin was just as pale as I remembered, ethereal in the moonlight that was muted by my curtains, eyes black, and hair glossy. His lips turned up in a smile, and I wanted to kiss him right then. So much.

"I wouldn't be able to," he murmured. Of course not. He'd said it. I was stupid to think he would.

He looked at me, eyes melting me, and he wet his lips before ducking his head down to kiss me. I'd only dreamed of this fire. I felt ___alive _as our lips moved against each others. There was a ringing in my ears from the silence all around us, but it faded as all my attention was directed at him. He was all that mattered at the moment. He was everything. His velvet lips, hot against my own, kissing me so gently, so slowly, as if he had missed me and was savoring every bit of me he could, and I was so ___happy, _because I realized that maybe, just maybe, he had missed me as much as I'd missed him.

There was a moment when he pulled away slowly, his nose brushing mine, that our eyes met, and I knew where this was going. Immediately, my mind went back to the night I'd slept over, when he'd touched me the way I had only fantasized before. And I felt an excitement surge through me as he placed another kiss lightly on my lips before trailing more feather light ones along my jaw, moving toward my neck.

My heart was pounding, loud in my ears as his hand cupped my face, feeling his lips whisper along my throat. His other hand found my shoulder, grasping it as he moved lower, pulling aside the collar of my t-shirt to reach more skin. He pulled back suddenly, eyes dark. He lightly brushed his thumb across my cheek, a serious expression on his face. "I came here…for a reason," he murmured. "I don't want you getting your hopes up."

And, with that, my hopes did plummet, way back down to the bottom of my heart. "What do you mean?" I asked, ignoring the pain. I sat up as he moved to clasp his hands together and stare at them, a conflicted look in them.

"I didn't come here to take you with me," he confessed, and my heart broke a little more. I hadn't thought he would. I had thought he was going to stay, childish a wish as that was. Of _course _he wasn't going to stay. Not with his goal just out of reach.

"Then why ___did _you come here?" I whispered, watching as he closed his eyes a moment.

"I've been feeling…distracted," he muttered, a dark tone in his voice. "I can't concentrate on my training anymore."

"Why not?" I feared the answer. Did something bad happen?

"I…" He sighed, gathering his bearings. "I've been…thinking…a lot…about you." He met my eyes and looked away quickly in a very uncharacteristically timid way.

"You have?" I asked, a light feeling in me. "I have, too, been thinking a lot about you."

"…in what ways?" he mumbled.

I blinked; I hadn't expected that question. What did he mean? Of course in many ways, he should know that. "I… I can't really name them all…" That was true. Too many ways. "I miss you. I miss everything about you."

He turned to me, eyes warm again. He leaned forward, resting his head on my shoulder and pressing his face into my neck. "I miss you, too," he whispered. I held my breath. This was a very rare moment. Sasuke was showing me his feelings. He seldom did that, in this way.

I let out a shaky breath. "In…what ways have you been thinking about me?" I asked softly. From his reaction, I supposed he hadn't expected this question either. He tensed, silent for a moment. He shifted and moved away—I immediately missed his closeness—and bent to slip off his sandals as he spoke.

"I'm a boy," he said, pausing and then saying in a curt tone, "obviously." I nodded slowly, watching him drop his kunai pouch on the floor. "And I…"—he lifted the covers and slid beneath them with me, lying on his side, facing me; I lied back down with him—"I have…certain…" He closed his eyes, seeming to grit his teeth. "I… When I think about you, I feel…certain things," he grumbled.

"Like…?" I prompted when he went quiet again.

"…you remember when you slept over?" he asked. Of course I did. I'd never forget. "When we were in my bed and we… I told you I wanted to wait a little to let us grow?"

My mind was processing this, slowly realizing what he was implying. I blushed. "You want to…take things further?"

"I do," he said slowly.

I felt like I was going to faint, heart thundering in my chest. "O-okay," I breathed. I waited for a moment, but he made no move. Just stared at me with his eyes wide, a strange innocence there. "Um, shouldn't you—"

"I don't know how," he sighed, looking ashamed.

Wait. ___Sasuke-kun is a… _Well, of ___course _he didn't know how to. He was only thirteen. He couldn't possibly know how to do this. A part of me was relieved because that meant he'd never been with another girl, even while he was gone. Another was overjoyed because I would be Sasuke's first. He was willingly giving me his innocence… I felt another surge of excitement.

He met my gaze, waiting for me to act. I took his hand and placed it on my chest, where my [tiny] breast was. We both gulped audibly. So, I supposed I knew why everyone said the first time was always awkward. He scooted closer, pressing his lips to mine briefly before following the same path he'd been on before, moving me to lie on my back. His other hand moved down my side and gripped my hip, but he pulled away and looked at me, seeming surprised. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"You're not wearing pants."

Oh. "I… I got too lazy," I lied. I didn't want to tell him I'd been too tired to and make him stop this all in his worry. He considered that a moment and then leaned back, his eyes taking in my body. I fidgeted with my sheets beneath me, unsure what to do.

He cleared his throat. "Can I…take off your shirt?" he asked. I blushed and nodded. His hands found the hem of my shirt and pulled up slowly. I sat up and raised my arms as he took it off, dropping it on the floor beside us. There was a tense silence as he looked me over. I held still, suddenly ashamed of my body. What if he didn't like what he saw? What if he was disgusted by the sight of me? What if…he didn't want me anymore?

His hand pushed on my shoulder lightly, hot against my skin, and I laid back down. He kissed me, deeply, his hands moving down along my body. He cupped my breasts, trailed down my sides, traveled down and stopped along the edge of my panties. His mouth soon followed, down my throat and along my collarbone, and this felt so ___different _from that time before, so much more intimate.

"I…" He kissed my chest, between my breasts, his hand playing with the straps of my bra, a finger of his other hand hooking under the right cup, touching the skin underneath. "Your bra…" He seemed out of breath, a little clueless and confused. I found it sweet. I reached behind me but his hand was there. "I want to. Teach me," he murmured against my chest. I took his hand and showed him how to unhook it. He slipped it off and let it join my shirt. Now was a more serious test. How would he react to my nonexistent breasts?

Quite positively.

"S-Sasuke-kun," I whimpered as his mouth immediately latched onto my left breast. His tongue circled around and licked and tasted my flesh. He certainly seemed like he knew what he was doing. His hand covered my other breast, gently experimenting with it as well. He switched his mouth to the other, giving them the exact same treatment. I couldn't help the noises I was making, but he didn't seem to mind them.

"Try to be a little quieter; you might wake someone," was his only complaint before he went back to my skin. I stifled the noises with my hand, biting between my thumb and index finger. I was a little frightened. The fire was burning, ___scorching, _and it seemed to grow as he went on. What would happen if it grew too much?

I found that my hands had twisted in the sheets, trying to hold myself together at the sensations he was giving me. I loosened my grip and reached for him, suddenly feeling under dressed. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, my knuckles lightly brushing his stomach, smooth and warm. He helped me pull it off and toss it aside and then just sat there, staring at each other. The moonlight threw shadows across his torso, different from candlelight, more solid. He was more toned than before, my only indicator he had trained hard. I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my chest against his. We hissed together at the feeling. His arms encircled my waist, pulling me closer and his mouth crashed down to mine.

We fell back and I made a startled noise, feeling something hard against my leg, biting down on his lip by accident. He groaned in pain and pulled away. His lip was bleeding and he sucked on it, running his tongue across it. "That hurt, Sakura."

"I'm so sorry, Sasuke-kun!" He shook his head and took my bottom lip between his teeth, biting down lightly and running his tongue across it. I gasped and his tongue took advantage of that. It was a strange sensation, having someone else's tongue in your mouth, hot and slick and ___alien, _but if it was from Sasuke, I liked it. He pressed closer, and that hard thing pressed with him. "What is that?" I asked when he moved to kiss my jaw.

"What is what?" he asked, breathless.

I moved my leg and brushed it with my thigh; his moan was softened by my skin, a shock of heat in my spine. "That," I said quietly.

"That's…my… Do you even know how this works?" he asked suddenly, looking me in the eyes.

"I…sort of," I said meekly. He blinked at me. I touched his chest, his flat stomach, and then the button of his pants, playing with that a moment. "Teach me," I requested. He looked down slowly, silent. "Can I…take off your pants?" I asked uncertainly. He nodded quietly and watched me unbutton the pants and lower the zipper. He slipped them off and dropped them on the floor with the pile of clothes there. Now we were evenly under dressed.

But it was different. More so than before. He seemed to have a mission. "I'm going to…do something to you…and I want you to be as quiet as possible." I nodded as he lowered himself down my body. I was confused before he suddenly rubbed his hand against my more private parts. I gave a startled gasp before clapping a hand over my mouth. He slipped my panties off and stared, his fingers tangling in the hair down there before pressing them over me. His tongue dragged across me and I muffled a moan in my hand. He repeated the action and I felt a tingly sensation in my lower stomach, starting small and growing steadily, intensified by the fire. I was lost to the feeling, his tongue, his fingers, touching me, until I started moving my hips, squirming beneath him and whimpering.

And then he was kissing up my body, until he was kissing my mouth, whispering something I didn't quite hear and then pushing a finger inside of me, the fire burning so ___bright _and hot and then he kissed me, deeper, his tongue twisting with mine as he added another finger. "I…I can't breathe," I mumbled. "Sasuke-kun…I can't…"

His fingers went faster and he moved back down, adding his tongue again and brushing his thumb over something, something I never noticed before, and then I was blind, biting into a pillow as ___colors _filled my world, a fire blazing all across me and my vision, burning me to a crisp, and then the world went black in a blissful haze of pleasure and happiness and peace. And all was right in the world.

~~…~~…~~

Perhaps my heart had been broken enough, but now it was ___torn._

Gone. He was gone. Again…

The sheets were wrapped around me, sunlight streaming through a gap in my curtains, spilling the glowing golden ___heavenly _liquid into my room, and birds sang their lovely song outside. I was half convinced it was a dream until I found I was naked. My clothes were scattered across the floor, hair a mess and sheets smelling of sweat. Not a dream. Not at all. Couldn't have been anyway. I wouldn't have known such a thing existed before.

No, Sasuke had really been here.

And he had left me again.

~~…~~…~~

******A.N.********: Well, as I read over that last bit, I realized I was more descriptive in the next chapter than I was in this one. And also that I made Sasuke seem weird.**

******Sakura here went back to being childishly charmed by his beauty and Sasuke used her for...some reason. Those of you who are reading this for the first time will learning ****__****what******** next chaprer.**

******Let me know you feel. Review! And thank you for reading.**


	9. Torn and Abused part 2

******A.N.********: I did mention, rewrite, right? So, I decided to delete the chapters I haven't revisited (don't worry, I still have them) and do this properly. So, those of you who have read this, don't get confused and start throwing bricks as at me. **

******Okay, so, I ****__****didn't ********like this chapter...or much of it anyway. It seemed like I hadn't grasped Sasuke right and wrote him all wrong; in the beginning, I think I did, and then it just fell apart. And I hated that. I had been in a hurry when I wrote it and had just wanted to move along the story so I could continue, which was completely selfish of me. This time, I'll be working to fix that. **

******Warning********: Mature content…like last chapter only with a male mind I do not actually have. Oh, and cussing. Can't forget the cussing.**

******Disclaimer********: I do not own **_****__**Naruto.**_

******Torn and Abused part 2**

******~Sasuke's POV:**

They say if you're around something long enough, you get used to it.

I've yet to get used to the slaves and their grumbling insanity.

I was still human, no matter how much I didn't want to be. I still felt compassion, and it surged every time I passed through this particular hallway. I would stop taking this route if it weren't the only one to my room, something I believe was done on purpose. I always felt a chill, gooseflesh littering my skin, guilt and sadness churning in my gut, a tightening in my chest, around where my heart was, and a pinching in my eyes. The first few times, I looked at them, the first time being a ___terrible _mistake, and the rest being my pity. They had looked…horrifying. I was sure that at some point, they had been very lively, good people; now they were anything but. Some of them, the paler of the bunch, had graying skin. Others had skin as black as coal. They all sported dark bruises, ghastly cuts and scars, teeth missing and faces sunken, hair missing and torn at, long nails that were bitten and ripped off, dirty clothes, prominent shadows under their eyes, which stared, unseeing and piercing at the same time…

_What had he done to them?_

Sweat would gather at my brow, cold, my hands clammy, heart pounding, and breath quick, chest hurting and tears threatening to gather at my eyes. When I would get to my room, I would cry. I would ___cry _for them. Literally sit there and ___weep _because they had to suffer like that, and had never imagined such things were possible.

I wanted to stop it all from happening, save them, let them free, but I knew I couldn't do that. Not only because I didn't have the power, but because I didn't think they could ever be normal, ___functioning _people. They had lost their last bits of sanity long, long ago, and there was no saving that. I could let them free, but they would never truly be free. They were so twisted and warped by what they'd seen and what they'd been put through that they could no longer be counted as human beings. They weren't even ghosts of their pasts. They were… They were ___dead. _They were living corpses now. Zombies who were locked behind thick, cold metal bars and abused and tortured and tested on daily and I could do ___nothing __t_o save them.

It…killed me inside.

They kept them in two separate cells, their numbers massive. One cell was for the…seasoned ones. The slaves that have been here longer were in there. They were silent for the most part, only letting out tiny mumbles, little whispers to themselves. They'd flinch away from each other and attack on another every now and then, a burning hatred in their otherwise emotionless eyes, unreasonably violent and angry at every one. Or they were incredibly shy, but not in any positive way. They'd stare and say nothing, but you could see all the pain in their eyes. Not pleading. None of them begged for help. It disgusted me to say that they were actually better than the second cell, merely for that particular reason.

The second cell was for the more recent captives. They all screamed at me to save them. They stuck their trembling hands through the bars and grasped wildly at air, eyes all locked on me, frightened and desperate. They all huddled together, tried to plan escapes that were futile, and sobbed into each others arms. They were relentless in their attempts for freedom. Every time I passed, they let out new pleas I had to ignore. And their own hatred directed at me was scarier than the hatred the first group had at nothing.

But, slowly, I got used to it.

I came to terms with the cruel fact that I could do nothing to save them. I made myself ignore the whimpers and whispers and cries of agony and focused on one sole object: My goal. I set my eyes on that one thing, didn't let it stray from my line of vision. If I faltered, I would close my eyes and envision it in my mind, and that would get me going again. Each day was a new hell. Training and learning and working me past all my limits and forgetting that I'm ___too young _to be pushing myself this far only to feel the consequences later on as I laid down in my bed; passing through that horrible hallway; listening to people being tested on; looking into those snake eyes…

I felt it though. I felt how strong I was getting. My hard work was paying off, and I was congratulated every day, albeit with a bit of an ecstatic edge that shouldn't have been there. It wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. I was given my space, even if it came with limited freedom, and I was granted patience when I trained. My room was a good size for me, sparsely decorated for we "weren't going to be staying long"—as Kabuto had said to me when he showed me to my room that first time—with only a bed with dark blue sheets, a black desk and a matching chair, and a black nightstand with a lamp. There was a bathroom in it, too, small but good enough. I usually wore a robe—___refusing _to wear that stupid outfit they had offered me—and only changed back into my other clothes to train.

~~…~~…~~

It wasn't bad. At night, though, was when it ___did _get bad.

The grumbles where softer, eerie, and echoed, but after _weeks_ of recurring nightmares, I finally got over it. The screams of test subjects no longer bothered me. I didn't like what they were doing but I accepted it. Just like if you saw a parent beating their child. You might not like it, but you know that you can't stop it. You're not that child's parent, and you do not control something outside of your power. These…experiments were not my problem.

The issue was nothing…considerably substantial…just the workings of my mind plaguing me. I…missed Sakura. I missed her voice, answering her questions, and seeing her smile, her wide and innocent green eyes. There was no such thing as innocence here. There was no room for that. I was sure if Sakura had been here, for ___any __a_mount of time, she'd lose her…her everything. Everything about her would be lost. That sparkle in her eyes would fade and darken, her giggles would be just a faint memory, her smiles would become frowns or stoic scowls… She'd be lost to the darkness of this whole place. I was grateful I hadn't brought her. I was relieved she didn't have to see any of this. I regretted leaving her, though.

It was for her own good. I had a mission in life, two objectives I would stop at nothing to obtain. The first: Kill my brother. It was because of him this all happened. And it was his fault. All of it; all I had to go through as a child, all I had to witness, all I had to suffer through, all I had to lose… To kill him, though, I had to get stronger. I had to grow more powerful. And I couldn't have any distractions to do that. Leaving behind Sakura was the only way. Now I could focus on my training and avenge my family.

Which brought me to the second goal: Revive my clan. That was where Sakura came back in. If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that Sakura was the only girl I wanted…in that way. Besides, I liked how Sakura looked. She was pretty enough. And, with her being a Kunoichi, she would always be physically fit, which would be perfect to keep our children healthy. And I knew she was rather fond of children, so she'd make a good mother. Sakura was really the only candidate. I didn't feel the same with any other girl. I got all tingly and warm around her, nervous and calm at the same time. My heart did weird jumps in my chest and I had butterflies in my stomach. I didn't feel that with any other girl.

And that was all the reason I needed to have children with her.

~~…~~…~~

I ignored it at first. But it grew into a gnawing feeling in my stomach, and spread until my whole body ached for her. I missed kissing her, holding her…touching her… And then I hated my hormones so ___fucking _much. I woke up every morning from a sweet dream of her and was filled with horror and disgust at the fact that I was covered in my own essence, sticky and clinging to my sheets. "God fucking damn it!" I shouted at my hand. Once, to my embarrassment, Kabuto had heard me yell and barged into my room in his worry. He stared at me in confusion, realization slowly dawning on his face as he took in the state of my blankets and clothes, before he cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry for interrupting," he'd said, turning and leaving before I could say anything. He now ignored my shouting. He must've told Orochimaru because he broached the subject casually as I trained. I was sitting cross-legged in front of him, where he sat in much the same way, my eyes closed as I concentrated at controlling my chakra and drawing it to specific places in my body, alternating and changing the places; practicing chakra control to change the intensity of my attacks.

"So," he said suddenly in that eerie voice of his. I kept my eyes closed; it wasn't uncommon for him to speak to me during practice. "I hear you've started masturbating."

I didn't know somebody could choke on the air they breathed until right then. "W-what?" I spluttered, coughing, eyes wide as I gaped at him. His face was calm, posture relaxed and eyes as mischievous as they always were when he looked at me, with the same smirk he always presented to anyone.

I couldn't tell if he was serious.

"I'm not judging you," he said in a reassuring tone, which did nothing for me anyway. "I'm just curious as to why…?" he trailed off, smirk widening as I blushed.

"I'm growing," I muttered. It was a stupid excuse.

"I'm well aware," he mocked. I thought for a moment or two. I certainly wasn't going to tell him who it was I fantasized about—I was a little ashamed of it myself—but I didn't know what else to say.

"I guess…it's a stress reliever." That wasn't too much of a lie.

"Would you like to have a woman?" he asked. I clicked my teeth lightly a few times, regarding him in confusion with narrowed eyes. What the fuck did he mean? Was he questioning my sexuality? He sighed when I didn't answer. "I meant," he said in a patient tone I was sure was more sarcasm than anything, "would you like to have sex with a woman?"

"I…what?" Was he being serious?

"I, obviously, went through puberty myself. Although I didn't masturbate, I did think a lot about having sex. I don't want you to go through the same pains I used to," he cooed like a mother would to her baby, "which is why I am offering to have a woman brought here to specifically attend to your…___needs._" He smiled eerily when he said that last part. I really couldn't imagine him in that position, and really didn't want to. He seemed in control of his body and mind, at ease, and I couldn't picture him _not _that way.

I thought about it. ___Really _thought about it. I even went back to training, focusing on my chakra again while I rolled the thought around in my mind, and, after a while, I came to a conclusion: "I need some time."

"Oh? And why's that?" he asked playfully. "Any boy in your position would jump at an offer like this." He paused and then his smile widened again. "Is it because you want to focus on your revenge?"

"That's mostly it," I said, tapping my fingertips together and watching them thoughtfully, brows furrowed. "But…I'm only thirteen."

He raised an eyebrow at my explanation, and then he seemed to realize what I was saying. "You want to let yourself mature a little more in age."

"Yes," I murmured. "My growth is…important to me. I don't want to end up stumping it for some reason."

"Ah, yes, I see now," he said gleefully. "I have heard of the repercussions of early sexual activity. Well, you ___are _in the early stages of your puberty," he mused. I watched him carefully, a little annoyed. "Then would you like some special magazines?"

I blushed again. There was no getting through to him. "No," I muttered. "I don't want anything."

He merely smiled again, settling into silence and letting me continue my training.

~~...~~...~~

I wanted Sakura. And I was ashamed of that. I was mad that I couldn't just settle for just any girl. It had to be her or no one at all and that pissed me off. I was relieved to know I wasn't consumed by women like other men, that I wasn't lusting after just any woman because of her body. No, I only wanted _one_ woman. And so I learned something new about myself.

I was only attracted to Sakura.

I was steadily growing more frustrated and it was getting in the way of my training. Orochimaru had started to notice and had brought up the whole "bringing over a woman" thing. I refused vehemently, but I was starting to run out of explanations why. It got to the point where I barely wanted to get out of bed. It was then that I realized that I needed to find Sakura and ___vent all of this out on her._

Simply telling them I wanted to go to Konoha would be stupid of me. I had to find a way… But the opportunity had found me instead. We were…___painfully _close to Konoha, and I was ashamed that my former village had no ___fucking _idea that the people they were searching for so ___desperately _were right under their noses. I had to punch a hole through the wall in my annoyance with them. I assume they were too busy with other matters than to look for me. But then that caused a pain in me; that only meant they didn't care...

"Tell me," Orochimaru began nonchalantly as I beat my fists against a punching bag—partly for the training and partly because I was irritated with my old home—and I groaned inwardly. It was another sex question, I just knew it. "What type of girl are you attracted to?"

"I don't want a prostitute," I answered in a clipped tone, punching harder.

"I wasn't implying that," he said teasingly, moving around me until he stood just beside the punching bag, completely unaffected with his proximity to my fists. "How big would her breasts be, I wonder…"

"Small," I muttered, much to my surprise.

"Small?" he asked, a frown in his voice, although the smile never left his ghastly white face. "How surprising. Most men want rather large—"

"Yeah, well, I don't." I punched too hard and it swung on its chain, his eyes following me as I twisted to kick it as it came back toward me. "I like small breasts." It was humiliating to say out loud, but it was true, for the most part. Unless, of course, Sakura's breasts filled out more for some reason. Then I would feel differently.

"And what type?" he pressed on. I didn't answer so he pursued. "Would she be obedient or shy or nervous…?"

"None of those," I said, thinking about Sakura's personality. "She would be…innocent. And kind and…curious," I said with a smile, thinking about her silly questions.

His eyes met mine, and he seemed to be drawing up blanks, slightly confused by my answer, before he broke out into a grin, completely misinterpreting my answer. "A virgin then."

I kicked the bag so hard that the chain strained. "Yeah," I snapped, unwilling to continue the conversation. He seemed to get the point and commented lightly that my stance was off, bringing us back to the lesson.

~~…~~…~~

It surprised me how peaceful the world seemed right then. A full moon really brightened up the world in a way the sun never could. In a beautiful, dangerous way, whereas the sun left little unlit, the moon left shadows everywhere, a silent threat in its beauty. And I decided I much preferred the moon to the sun, night to day. I felt lonely, which was reasonable, and I enjoyed the feeling. It seemed there was no one alive for miles with how still it all was, but everyone, I knew, was asleep in their beds, safe, dreaming sweet dreams, unknowing of the things that could happen. Oblivious to the monsters hiding in the dark. I couldn't see them from where I was, but that didn't matter to me. Nothing did at the moment. All that mattered was that my relief awaited me, nearby, so close…

I imagined I was a fleeting shadow, flitting over rooftops, under overhanging balconies, through alleyways and silent streets. This was a haunting calm, making me uneasy. No one was out. Were they really that confident in their skills? I hoped not, because they were ___thoroughly _proving they were terrible shinobi. I stopped at one balcony, small, with only a plant as decoration. I tapped my finger lightly on a leaf, long and pointy and thin, as I examined the window before me. White curtains were parted slightly behind the glass, and, as I reached for the dull golden knob, cold and biting in my hand, I learned it was left unlocked. I shook my head; truly, they were far too relaxed for their own good. After quick speculation, I found no one was around to see me, to catch me.

I slipped into the house, silently shutting the glass door and locking it, pulling the curtains over the glass firmly. I checked the door and locked that, too. I stood there a moment, taking in the room. It was simple. A pale wooden wardrobe by the door, a mirror beside that, and then a desk with few things on them. There was a frame with the photo I could only scoff at, a memory of a sweeter time. A stirring of sheets brought me back to the person I sought. The bed was simple as well. White sheets and a white pillows, cotton and pallid and simple. White was such a pure color. Just like the moon. Just like her.

She slept so soundly, the way I always imagined she would, face relaxed and breaths even. I stepped closer to see any changes that may have occurred during my absence. Yes, some subtle and some overt. Her skin was more tan and the pale shirt she wore only accentuated that. Her pink hair was long again, splayed across her pillow in pale smooth tendrils. She twitched a little and sighed, still deeply asleep. I sat down at the edge of her bed, the springs silently giving under my weight, and stared out before me, mind blank. Surely, she was a sight for sore eyes, so _different _from all the things I'd been forced to see, peeling white skin and empty eyes. She was sweetness and innocence to all the despair and chaos I'd been witness to. My heart was pounding, and there was that familiar feeling in my stomach.

Orochimaru had allowed me to leave tonight. I had told him that I had finally decided to "have a woman", which he'd been delighted to, in an almost exaggerated manner that frightened me slightly. I gave him specific terms that I would choose the girl and I would do so ___alone. _He agreed in a grudging tone and gave me permission to find the girl I wanted to have. Of course, I already knew who I wanted, so it didn't take too long. Now all I needed was to take action. But how?

And then there was the proximity to my old home that gave me my chance.

I felt like I was stabbing myself in my back. I had told her ___myself _that I wanted to let us both grow a little more. Six months was not enough time for that. But I yearned for her. I needed to touch her. She haunted my mind each and every day, and it was becoming unbearable. I figured the only way to put myself at ease was to indulge in the acts I so very much wanted to indulge in. Then maybe I'd learn a little patience. Maybe if I had a taste of what it was like, I would then learn to wait until I fulfilled my first objective and then I could get on to the second. But she looked so ___peaceful. _I couldn't possibly wake her just to… I blushed, scowling at my hands. No, I couldn't. I was about to stand to leave, but there was a sudden pain in my chest that wouldn't let me, resembling the tearing of my muscles. I needed her. I couldn't just leave her now.

"Sakura," I murmured, reaching over and brushing a lock of pink silk from her face. The warmth was a welcome sensation and I gave a soft sigh. "Wake up." I lightly traced her eyelid, closed, hiding those eyes I've been wanting to see for so long.

She started, snapped out of her dream, and blinked. Emerald orbs locked on my own, every bit as innocent as I had remembered. I was relieved to see that hadn't changed. They traced my face, my form, and blinked again, tears forming at the edges. "Sasuke…kun…" she breathed.

What a sweet voice. "Hey," I replied, letting my index finger wipe away the warm liquid.

"What…? How did you…? Why are you…?" She was trembling, unable to form a coherent sentence, her hands reaching up and touching my face. There was that burning again, and it felt so ___good__, such a wonderful change from the coldness of the night and the sharp edges of kunai._

"Didn't I tell you already?" I asked, exasperated, letting her touch me as she pleased.

Her eyes became understanding. "I thought you had forgotten," she admitted softly.

"I wouldn't be able to," I said honestly. Her lips curled at the edges, those rose petal lips that called to me. My thumb traced them and they parted underneath it, her breath a soft heat across my skin. Our eyes met and I knew what she wanted. I certainly knew what I wanted. My lips met hers and the fire that scorched me caused my body to react. Our lips crashed together and I realized right then that my memory could never suffice, could never amount to the reality, the truth of her skin and eyes and voice. Again, the world faded all around us and it was just me and Sakura.

I needed to breathe and I knew she did, too, so I broke the kiss, but found my lips couldn't leave her completely, moving along her soft jaw and down her throat where I could feel her pulse, quick and excited, thumping beneath flushed skin. I caught her chin and tilted her head to the side to get better access. When I reached the spot where her collarbone met with her shoulder, I saw something dark on her skin. A little curious, I pulled her shirt collar down to see. It looked like a bruise. Why would she be bruised? I wanted to ask her, pulled back and was about to, but the look on her face stopped me. It reminded me of something I had to tell her, something important. I skimmed my thumb lightly over her the pink tinting her face now had, warm under the surface of her skin. "I came here…for a reason. I don't want you getting your hopes up." I really didn't. Orochimaru's hideout was no place for her, no place for her kindness and virtues.

Her warm green eyes tightened slightly. "What do you mean?"

I turned to sit more comfortably, interlacing my hands together and looking at them instead of her face. "I've been feeling…" I murmured, thinking my words over carefully, "…distracted. I've been…thinking…a lot…about you." I didn't know how to speak right at that moment. I didn't know what would offend her or not. Her silence and patience confounded me, so accustomed to trying to read through the snake eyes of my mentor and the quiet slither of his words.

"You have?" she asked softly. "I have, too, been thinking a lot about you." For some reason, that thrilled me, though I knew it shouldn't have.

She couldn't have ___possibly _been thinking the same way about me. There was no perversion in her mind, no sin in her heart. And yet I could only hope. Hesitantly, I asked, "…in what ways?"

She was silent a moment, caught off guard. "I… I can't really name them all…" Why not? Was she nervous? Did it embarrass her? "I miss you. I miss everything about you."

My heart throbbed in a strange way. ___She misses me, _I thought in surprise, but then, of _course _she missed me. I hadn't left her on the best of notes. Overcome, I moved to embrace her, nuzzling into her shoulder to take in her scent; she'd just showered. "I miss you, too." _I____n very inappropriate ways._

She sighed unevenly. "In…what ways have you been thinking about me?" I stiffened; she shouldn't have asked that. I didn't know how to respond. Didn't know where to even ___start. __Sure, her questions, and her laughter. But also her kisses, and her warmth._

I went with the best way I thought how. I pulled away and took off my sandals, loosening my pouch and dropping it on the ground alongside it. "I'm a boy," I began, and then felt stupid so I added, "obviously." I paused to think, worried how to go about it. "And I…" I clicked my teeth and then joined her under the covers, lying down; she followed suit. "I have…certain…." I sighed, shutting Like warmth in my stomach, a throbbing in my heart, desire in my veins...

"Like…?" she asked when I didn't continue.

_Apply to her memory. _"…you remember when you slept over?" She blinked and I knew she did when her blush deepened, smiling to myself. "When we were in my bed and we… I told you I wanted to wait a little to let us grow?" Which I was completely disregarding now.

Her eyes searched my face, my eyes, contemplating me. Her face turned redder. "You want to…take things further?"

The sweetness in her eyes, the shyness in the way she said it, made something warm bubble in my stomach. Should I really take that away from her? My selfishness all summarized into two words: "I do." And those words had always meant such good things, like marriage, like commitment. Nothing I could give her now.

"O-okay," she whispered. I felt like I was flying, and then sinking for all the things that would unfold. Now came the challenge. "Um, shouldn't you—"

"I don't know how." It pained me to tell her. I was a damn virgin and I didn't now a single thing about pleasuring a girl. About pleasuring _her_.

She was silent—probably ashamed of me—and then she took my hand, small around my own, and pressed it to her breast. Just like I remembered, small but warm, soft but firm. I had to kiss her, smooth skin a faint pink and inviting; I went on to follow the trail from before, ego renewed. I pushed her to lie on her back so I could get better access, pleased at her compliance. When I went to grab her hip, my hand brushed against more skin than I'd been expecting. ___Oh, _I thought blissfully. I pulled back to look at her, pink faced and breathing unevenly. "What's wrong?" she asked, looking confused.

"You're not wearing pants." Her eyes widened marginally as she seemed to remember, pink darkening to red, lovely there on her skin.

"I… I got too lazy," she confessed sheepishly. But I couldn't bring myself to believe her. That didn't seem like her. That didn't seem like her ___at all_. And the way kept looking around, every where but at me, gave her away. She was ___lying. __I_ sat back and looked her over. A slight form, toned like I'd thought, but still soft. I caught sight of more bruises, and became fed up with not knowing what had happened to her. Had somebody hurt her? Had somebody harmed Sakura?

But when I looked at her, she was staring at me, waiting with a look on her face that told me it would be insensitive to ask her at this point. I tried for something gentler. "Can I…take off your shirt?" I asked. Her blush deepened once more as she gave a nod. I took the end of her shirt, pushing it up and coaxing her to sit up so I could pull it off. I let it fall to the ground and looked her over. The bruises weren't bad, just surprisingly ___there, __when they shouldn't have been.___But they had no real shape to them, prompting me to think that they were probably caused from something a little less threatening than I'd imagined. Training, I supposed, because she ___did _seem a little leaner than before, muscles slightly more prominent than I remembered. And then I felt a bristle of pride through me; she was keeping her promise.

I pushed her to lie back down and kissed her again, letting my hands wander her figure. Soft, so ___fucking soft, _and smooth and ___perfect. __Her flesh was heavenly against my rougher skin, toughened by my training. _I cupped her small breasts and figured, yes, I did indeed prefer small ones over huge ones. My hands wandered down and stopped at her panties. ___Not yet, _I thought, reluctant to take her innocence so soon. I let my mouth stray down her skin, over her bruises that I was now proud of for her progress and hard work. "I…" How did I tell her I wanted that thing off? Sure, it was pretty. It was a pale lavender and had white lace spanning the whole of each cup, white roses and small petals that were pleasing to the eye, but I wanted to see her so bad it ticked me off. My hands groped and touched and I was getting restless. "Your bra…" was all I could really say in my frustration. She moved to remove it herself, but I stopped her. "I want to. Teach me," I demanded. This was definitely going to happen again, so I might as well have learned.

She obediently caught my hand and moved it to a strange sort of clasp-like thing, letting me explore it a moment with my fingers—trying to figure out how the hell it was supposed to work—and then used two of my digits to unhook it quickly, before I could even work out the process myself. ___How in the holy hell did she do that? __Bewildered, I_ pulled it off her, deciding to let her do it from now on, and tossed it away.

I now hated bras.

I looked at her and was left speechless. She looked shy, nervous, avoiding my gaze. This was fine, because I really wasn't looking at her face anyway… They were smaller than I had thought, but the swells, slight as they were, were alluring to me anyway, flushed pink with her blush and somehow mesmerizing despite their tiny size. They were perfected by two pretty, pink tips that seemed to harden slowly on their own.

I attacked.

She gave a delicious gasp, whimpering my name. I circled my tongue around that coral tip, tasting and ___feeling _her and loving all of it, the unsmooth feel of the pert nipple against the silken feel of her breast. I let my hand cup and play with the other breast, enjoying the feel of it, hotter than any other part of her I'd touched so far. I shuddered at the thought. ___So far… _She kept making beautiful noises that drove me on, but she was quickly becoming too loud, resounding throughout her small room. "Try to be a little quieter," I warned, despite how very much I enjoyed it. "You might wake someone." She covered her mouth with her hand as I continued.

After a few moments, writhing beneath me as I tasted and touched and kissed, I felt her grab the hem of my shirt, pushing it up, letting her knuckles skim my stomach, which tightened in response. I pulled it off and threw it to the side, exasperated once more, wanting to get straight to the point but knowing very well that couldn't happen. I sat back again, letting her look at me as I assessed what I'd done to her so far. It pleased me, what I saw. I'd left marks on her, faint red and dark pink. ___Mine, _I thought smugly, trailing my hands down along her sides. She suddenly sat up and hugged me, pushing her chest against mine. The way her soft breasts crushed against my chest made me hiss, joining her own in a whisper. I hugged her back, wanting her closer as I crashed my mouth to hers, our teeth almost clicking together.

As we moved to lie back on the bed, I pressed my erection to her, wanting friction, and she made a high, surprised noise, and sunk her teeth into my lower lip reflexively. It felt disturbingly good, making me wonder if I was a masochist. I tasted blood and mentally gave a groan; how would I explain that scar to Orochimaru? "That hurt, Sakura," I lied, if only to reassure myself shallowly.

Her eyes went wide with worry. "I'm so sorry, Sasuke-kun!" I didn't want her to think too much, so I "took my revenge" and bit her bottom lip, too, only much more gently so as not to break the skin and cause unwanted questions for her. She gasped and I, reflexively, let my tongue stray into her open mouth. Her mouth was hot and tasted of cool mint and warm sugar, and I wanted all of it, pressing closer. She pulled away, though, moving her head to the side. "What is that?" she whispered as I went on to kiss her skin.

"What is what?" I sighed against her cheek.

When her leg rubbed against my erection I let out a moan. ___Fuck, _I thought, pulling away slightly. "That," she murmured.

"That's…my…" I suddenly wondered how naïve she was. It worried me for a moment. "Do you even know how this works?" I asked.

She seemed to falter under my stare, only adding to my concern. "I…sort of," and it came out more as a question. I wondered if I should really go through with this, contemplating leaving right then, until her hand ran down my chest, small and warm. It sent an odd tingle though me. "Teach me," she whispered, fidgeting with the button of my pants, eyes wide and pleading, green as apples and leafs. I couldn't deny her when she looked at me like that. "Can I…take off your pants?" It sounded a lot like what I'd asked her before, in a lot of the same ways. I could only nod.

Soon, they joined the floor as well, a crumpled heap beside the other few articles we'd rid ourselves of. I decided something right then, a sudden thought of selflessness, more to make up for all the things I'd stolen from her than anything. I would not have sex with Sakura. I would not relieve myself tonight, despite what protestations my body gave to the thought. I would let us grow a little more before…penetration…I guess was how to put it. I would not ___fully _take her virginity tonight. But she, at least, deserved her release. Looking at her now, blushing, chest heaving, with that burning look in her eyes, I decided I would at least give her that. Besides, giving her this would allow me some more to work with when I became frustrated, a little more to add to my "imagination" when I…___masturbated… _Yes, this would help me along much better.

I decided to warn her, though, to prepare her some for what I was about to do. "I'm going to…do something to you,"—it excited me to think of what but also made me unsure because I ___obviously _have never done it before—"…and I want you to be as quiet as possible." She gave a slow nod, hesitant. I moved until my face was aligned with her core, covered by her panties. They didn't match her bra, which I found weird, but really, it wasn't as if she had all the time in the world to make sure they were the exact same color and design—perhaps I was just being compulsive. They were white and flimsy, not lacy and lavender. I placed a hand over her and was surprised by how warm it was, warmer than the rest of her. I pulled her panties off, letting it fall, too. My fingers brushed through her pink curls and I briefly I wondered how she'd look without them.

Going on a limb, I let my tongue run along her slit. She gave a moan as I assessed how she tasted. Nothing yet, just a slight peculiar, faint taste. I repeated it until I felt her become wet, and then added my digits into it, just one, not wanting to push her. She wiggled beneath me, making tiny noises. I peppered kisses up her body until I met her lips. "I want to taste you… Let me taste you," I whispered but she didn't seem to hear, her eyes rolling back as I pushed one finger into her. Like silk. Hot, wet, smooth silk. It was lovely.

"I… I can't breathe," she sighed. "Sasuke-kun… I can't…" She was close, if her meaningless words meant anything.

I added another finger, quickening the pace I set as I took her strange words as a yes and went back down to do as such. When she did release, it was into my mouth, her scream muffled into her pillow as she tensed and spasms wracked her body. A hot liquid escaped her and I caught every last drop as she slowly relaxed and dozed off to sleep, exhausted.

I sat there, out of breath, my body thrumming with excitement. I wanted to finish, too, but I refrained, climbing out of her bed and fixing her limbs more comfortably, pulling the sheets over her, tucking them beneath her and fixing her hair. I dressed and stood there a moment, contemplating, not entirely willing to leave just yet. But I had to. There was no place for me here. I brushed a finger across her cheek thoughtfully, the same finger, I vaguely realized, as the one that had touched her plant outside, the same finger that had brought her to climax... I backed away, snapping my hand away, realizing what I'd just done—_snatched_ Sakura's innocence away—and I took a deep breath, calming my nerves and guilt, twisting in my stomach, and finally stepped outside, not bothering to close the curtains fully or lock her window again.

When I returned to the hideout, I made a beeline for my bedroom, images of Sakura swirling in my mind.

~~…~~…~~

I stared up at the ceiling, not really thinking. My mind was numb. I wondered how she felt when she woke up. Used, perhaps. And I supposed that was true, if the relaxed state my body was in said anything, a feeling I hadn't had in a while. With the help of my memory of last night, my attention to detail, I had finally released some tension. A relief. Now I could get back to training for a little while longer.

But there was an underlying sense of regret. I had practically ___abused _Sakura. Emotionally, like always. But physically now, too. Maybe that was worse. Maybe not. I didn't know. Couldn't tell. It didn't matter anymore.

At least, that's what I had to tell myself.

I would come back to visit her again sometime. Not anytime ___soon. _Maybe when it became too much to ignore again. When it became blatantly obvious I couldn't stay away from her any longer. And I half hoped that would never happen.

I sighed. For now, more training. I rolled out of bed, stripping the sheets off to later clean them of their new essence and went for a shower.

~~…~~…~~

******A.N.********: I'm sorry, when I read "...****t********hat was all the reason I needed to have children with her********..." I started laughing. That's so silly of him.**

******Ooh, guess what? Guess who's point of view is gonna join in? I'll give you a hint: He has red hair and green eyes. Yeah. Him. Next chapter. See you there.**

******I like this chapter a little more after this, although the end of it always pisses me off, I don't know why... Oh, well. I'll be editing the next chapter tonight. So, look forward to that.**

******Review please! **

******Next Chapter********: Sakura, he hears, has been acting quite strange and closed off and he can't help but feel worry for the girl. But he can't quite say why.**


	10. Broken Song

******A.N.********: I don't think I can stress this enough, Gaara is my absolute favorite character in ****__****Naruto********. Not gonna lie, first time I laid eyes on him, I was like, "...what a fucking badass..." And then when Sasuke ran off, with his transformation, I liked him even more. And then he became Kazekage and all that... Out of all the characters, I think he's had the ****__****most ********development, besides Sakura. So I suppose that's kind of why they became a couple to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't ****__****actually******** think they would randomly start liking each other in the ****__****actual******** story, but it's fun to toss the idea around.**

******Writing this, I remember it was really easy, surprisingly so, and I guess it was ****__****because ********he's my favorite that it was. As opposed to Sasuke, where it was really difficult. Sasuke isn't my least favorite, he's just not ****__****way ********at the top. I think I would've rather written in Naruto's or Lee's perspective, really, but I had to at least try. I'm glad I did, I grew from it. **

******I was unhappy with this chapter because it hadn't panned out quite right the first time, like last chapter with Sasuke hadn't. And, again, I'm pretty sure it was because I was in a hurry. I'm sorry. I need to stop doing that.**

******Disclaimer********: I do not own **_****__**Naruto.**_

******Broken Song**

******~Gaara's point of view:**

In the midst of the frantic whipping of sand in the wind, there was a change that drew my attention from my musings. Perhaps it was the subtle shift of the grains in the air, but I knew exactly when it all went wrong. It was almost cliché when it did. In the middle of the night, hours before dawn, as everyone slept soundly in their homes, is when it happened.

I stood at the highest peak in the village, the Kazekage Building, where there was no Kazekage to speak of, waiting for the sun to rise in my permanently conscious state, watching the individual grains of sand in the wind whirl past me in the desert storm. The full moon illuminated the world in an almost ethereal manner, casting long and deep shadows across dusty brown concrete, distorted by the streams of pallid browns and chromatic yellow. I could never decide whether I preferred the moonlight over sunlight. At night was when I thrived, but it was all tarnished by bad memories I no longer wanted to remember, soaked to the very core with blood that had long since run cold and stained my thoughts. During the day, I wasn't afraid of being overcome by blood lust. I found relief in the daytime, whereas, in the nighttime, I felt power surge through me. During a full moon was when it hit hardest, ripping through my veins in powerful tears and knocking my will down to the ground violently. But something tonight was off.

Something inside of me twisted suddenly, different from pain and discomfort, and I placed a hand over my stomach in confusion. Not hunger and not digestion. I couldn't place my finger on it, contemplating the way it strained my muscles and nerves and filled me with worry and dread, but I made my way back home anyway, just to be safe. It built to a peculiar, wrenching feeling that distressed me, my brow furrowing and lips turning down slightly. I hurried to my house, silently slipping in and going to my bathroom. I sat there, on the floor, clean white tiles and bright light, wondering if it was something that might've upset my stomach. Yet I found that wasn't the case, for as I thought back through my day, I found nothing worth disturbance. The feeling just kept growing and growing, and my concern grew with it.

I usually didn't bother people when they slept... I ___never _bothered people when they slept. I knew how it felt to miss it—a feeling I wanted no one else to experience, especially not my siblings, who I'd developed newfound affection for—and made a sort of vow to never wake someone if it weren't for an emergency. I wasn't sure if this was or not, but I was becoming frantic, clutching at the cloth over my stomach as it increasingly grew more painful. I had to break that vow, just this once. I didn't dare wake Kankuro. He was always grumpy and snappy when he was woken and tended to roll back over and ignore the person who'd disrupted his sleep. So I tentatively knocked on Temari's door, waiting patiently before knocking a little louder. When she finally opened the door, she was rubbing at her eyes, blonde hair a tangled heap and frowning slightly.

"Gaara?" she grumbled, sleep heavy in her voice and a yawn close behind her confusion. After taking in the expression of my face, her eyes cleared somewhat and she asked, "What is it? What's wrong? Did something happen?"

She truly sounded like an older sister right then, if not a worried mother. "I'm not sure," I admitted honestly. "I feel strange."

"Strange how?" she asked, brows knitting together as she put one hand on her hip, switching to a more maternal mode.

"My stomach," I explained, placing my hands there, "feels…heavy and empty." I wasn't completely sure how to describe it, but that seemed about right. It felt hollow, void of sense and feeling, while there was a plummeting feeling inside that danced around the skirts of being agonizing.

"What did you eat?" she asked, pressing her own hand on my abdomen, a firm push and then prodding along the entirety of it. "It feels normal," she murmured.

"I ate gizzard," I replied, pulling my hands away and letting her have free reign, trusting she knew what she was doing.

"That's your favorite," she mumbled, "you should be fine. Was it cooked well?" Her teal eyes were becoming steadily more scared. She was over thinking it, like she always did when it came to me.

"I don't think it's something I ate," I muttered. It didn't at all feel like it. Nothing really having to do with my stomach in particular, but it seemed to stem from there.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. "I could make you something." Verdant orbs looked past me, toward the kitchen as she thought of what to make, remembering what we had and what she could produce from it. But I wasn't hungry, and I didn't really enjoy her cooking. Though I'd never say it aloud.

"No," I sighed. I could see she was still sleepy, eyelids heavy as she stifled a yawn behind her slender hand. She needed her rest and I didn't want to keep her from that. But she was the only one I could think of to help. "I don't know what it is."

"Hm," she mused. I knew she was drawing up blanks when her teeth began to worry her lower lip. "I'll make some tea and we'll see if that works." I wanted her to go to sleep, but the look in her eyes didn't allow me to argue, so I nodded and followed her into the kitchen, her bare feet padding along the floor; she glanced back as she heard my sandals scraping the ground. "Gaara, you ___need _to take off your shoes in the house," she sighed; it was something I often didn't do. After I lined them along with hers and Kankuro's, hers being the smallest, I set down my gourd along with her fan and his puppets and joined her at the table. At her order, I sat down, watching as she heated water in a kettle, took out two tea cups, gathered some leafs, poured the hot water, and mixed the leafs' natural flavors into the water. She sat across from me, handing me a cup, and sipping some as she did.

She gave more than a few yawns, making me feel guilty and I silently promised I'd take a few of her missions to make up for it. The tea tasted good, but it did nothing for the gnawing feeling in my stomach. I didn't tell her, instead nodded and thanked her when she asked if I felt better. I washed the cups for her as she gave one long yawn, stretched, and made her way back to her room. I dried my hands, wondering who else could help me, until I heard her and felt another pang of guilt.

"See, Gaara," she said, "it was nothing. Just digestive problems; nothing to worry about." I nodded when she looked back at me, if only to reassure her. "Goodnight, Gaara," she mumbled as she disappeared into her room.

"Goodnight, Temari," I said when she didn't close the door. After I heard the door click shut, I pivoted and slipped my sandals back on, leaving my gourd there and, once again, slipping back out into the windy night. I stayed on the roof of my home, gazing up at the moon, full and lovely, only marred by the miniscule pebbles whipping through the air. I sat there, one hand on my stomach as the feeling grew, unbearable now. I winced and grit my teeth. Not Shukaku, I knew that. That was a completely different feeling, more painful and frightening. This was more startling and alarming than anything. Not the promise of blood lust or the threat of my undoing. I didn't know what it was, and that scared me more. With Shukaku, I at least knew the cause and the cure—though that would remain ignored from now on, because I couldn't take the thought of killing another person for his own sick pleasure—but this was something completely ___other. _I didn't know why it was I felt it or how to get rid of it.

And I really did want to. So much. It was a horrible feeling, twisting tautly and growing, spreading across the expanse of my abdomen, and then my chest. I gave a shuddering breath as I crossed my legs and wrapped my arms around my stomach tightly. It reached a terrible climax, tearing at me as I gave a choked protest, squeezing my eyes shut and willing it to go away. It grew until my entire body hummed with it, pulsating through me and causing me to tense, trying to gain control over it. All until there was a sharp snap within me and then the world froze for just a second, my back arching and mouth opening in a silent scream.

It slowly relaxed and I loosened my hold on myself. I thought that would be the end of it, while I sat there, eyes wide and unblinking, breath heavy and body finally at relative ease.

But it was as the sun broke over the horizon, painting the world in a pallid yet brilliant yellow that gently prompted desert birds to chirp their song and coaxing people awake kindly, that I felt the last stab of it, a resounding fall from the temporary nothing the climax had brought, all like a long composition of passionate music that had taken place within me, music that brought tears to the eyes and broke the hearts of fragile persons, now fading out slowly. It was then, as I closed my eyes in an odd reaction, as if to honor such a long, complicated piece, that I heard a soft, singular, tortured sob in the wind.

My tattered heart must have broken along with it.

~~…~~*~~…~~

I wasn't entirely sure how I'd gotten into my room, how I'd stripped my clothes off or how I'd gotten the water in my shower on. All I knew was that the heat of the water was a pleasant pressure against my sore muscles, the first welcome sensation all night. I worried, still, about what ___exactly _all that was, that twisting in my stomach. I had yet to come up with a reasonable explanation, worthy enough to put my mind at ease, on why I felt that and what could've caused it. And then there was that last bit, the most confusing part of it all. The sound of a girl crying, quietly in my ear, pathetic and saddening and heart wrenching…

Sunagakure was a very strange village. Set about deep in a desert, nestled in among uneven ground with sand all around, sunken within miles deep of dirt and earth. Sand everywhere in this boiling hot desert we of Suna have adapted to, where wind always tore through and shaped and reshaped the land. With the help of the wind, sand could get just about anywhere; into your clothes or into your home; in your hair or in your mouth. So as I stood there, under a steady thrum of water, I felt tiny grains of sand run down my body; my chest, stomach, legs, and feet. Not a pleasant feeling, but one I've grown accustomed to, prickles and light scratches of sharp miniature pebbles and grains. The soap smelled of simple herbs and cleanness, a soothing scent to me, and cleared the dirt from my hair, softening the grainy texture the strands had taken up, although they'd be back to their original state in less than five minutes standing outside. And then my body, which trembled from the exhaustion the "song"—as I would refer to it for now—had left me. My skin became a milky white, my armor cracking and falling, mixing with the water and disappearing down the drain in swirls and faint sighs. Thinking only of my current actions alone took my mind off of more troubling matters, and if I focused all of my attention into cleaning myself, I could almost pretend it hadn't happened.

But soon it was time to get out of the shower, to shut off the water and shake out the drops from my hair with my fingers, to dry my body with a dark towel and dress myself in a fresh, lavender-smelling—because Temari was so very fond of buying that laundry soap—outfit, to step out into the rest of the house, to join my older siblings for breakfast, and to face the situation ___anew_.

As I walked down the hall toward the kitchen, I could hear them speaking to one another over the table, already wide awake and readying for the day. Kankuro, brown hair still damp from his own shower, was gobbling down the food as if it were his last meal, talking loudly to Temari who, in turn, snapped at him to swallow his food before speaking. Temari was brushing her hair into her usual four pony tails, and smiled at me as I walked in; she made sure to kindly acknowledge me every morning, setting out a plate of food in an empty spot at the table, waiting for me to eat.

"Good morning," she greeted. "Are you feeling better?" I nodded in response. Kankuro glanced over at me; pausing and then gulping down everything in one go, prompting me to wonder at him.

"What is she talking about? What happened?" he demanded. I wondered what it was about any slight discomfort I may feel that made them become so protective. His dark brown eyes looked me over for anything out of place. Finding none, he turned back to Temari.

"Gaara wasn't feeling well last night so I made him some mint tea to see if that helped and it did," she said simply. She went back to tying up her hair as Kankuro nibbled thoughtfully on some toast.

I sat down at the table and analyzed that first question as I ate slowly, not bothering to correct Temari. ___Are you feeling better? _I wasn't sure. I felt fine, or as fine as I could possibly feel, considering obvious circumstances. But, then again, I had felt fine before the "song" had hit me. And then I felt a wave of worry. What if it came back?

I rubbed my forehead as I silently panicked. I didn't want it to come ___back, __now that it had finally gone away_. It was bad enough once. "What's bothering you?" Kankuro asked. I looked up, surprised, and noticed that Temari had left to get dressed into her regular outfit. He had pushed his plate aside, resting his elbows on the table and crossing his arms as he leaned toward me, brows pulled together. It was a strange realization, one that both made me happy and sad, but right now, without the paint on his face or his hoodie covering his hair, he looked just like our father.

"I'm troubled," I confessed, picking at my food with one chopstick, the other one left above the plate. I found it slightly easier to speak to my brother than my sister. Something about the fact that he was a fellow male made me just a little more comfortable. Although talking about my feelings was something I usually did with Temari, for she seemed to have better insight on such things, Kankuro and I had had our moments, and that alone gave me comfort.

"Well, what is it?" he asked, sounding as impatient as only Kankuro could be.

"Last night, I felt…this strange sensation in my stomach," I murmured, placing a hand there to emphasize my point, setting down the chopstick and looking down.

"Not having anything to do with food," he said slowly.

"Not in the slightest. I have no idea just what it was _e____xactly,_"—I ran a hand through my hair, pulling at the ends of the strands—"but…it…"

"It frightens you to not know what it is," he finished. I met his gaze evenly, not questioning how he knew that. Kankuro was far more perceptive than people gave him credit for, and that, in itself, was reason enough for me to confide in him, the fact that he could so easily hide that side of him. Perhaps ___he _could come up with a reasonable explanation.

"Yes," I sighed. "It kept getting worse as the night progressed."

"When did it end? How did it feel like?"

"About two hours before dawn. It felt like… It started off as an empty feeling, and then it started to hurt." I trained my eyes on him once more. "And, after it ended, at dawn, I heard someone crying next to me, but, when I looked over, nothing was there." It puzzled me beyond all reason, truly ___like _a puzzle, only missing a bunch of pieces that were needed ___drastically _to finish the whole picture, the reason I'd felt such a way.

He rubbed at his jaw, at the thin, tiny hairs that have started to spring up there some months ago, mulling over what I said. "I heard once, a long time ago," he began, "that, sometimes, we can feel the pain of someone we care deeply for, no matter the distance…"

"You think that may be it," I murmured, uncertain of his thought. Anyone I cared deeply for was either in this house or ___not _female; as in, my siblings, Naruto, Rock Lee, and my Sensei, all for specific, individual reasons. My siblings, for blatant reasons, they being related to me by blood; my Sensei because, despite the friction we'd had before, he was a very kind man and helped me through my struggles to control myself; Naruto, because I owed him my life; Rock Lee, because he'd really set quite the impression on me, much like Naruto. There was only one female amongst them, and she did not have the same octave or vocalizations as the sound I'd heard before, nor would it be logical to assume it had been her, seeing as she hadn't seemed the least bit in pain when I troubled her the night before. I didn't want to doubt my brother, but it seemed a little unlikely.

"I can't say for sure," he muttered, looking down, "but what you said brought that to mind for some reason."

~~…~~*~~…~~

I couldn't say exactly how much my gourd of sand weighed, but, when my older brother had tried to carry it, he had complained and yelled at me to stop over doing it, so I supposed it weighed quite a bit. I had gotten used to its weight, and slowly added more sand as I grew older and my body grew stronger, more capable. Before I'd met Naruto, I never changed the sand, enjoying the scent of the blood of my victims drenched into every grain within. Now, though, I was a changed person, and I realized just how truly repulsed I was by it. And so I changed the sand periodically, crushing the gourd and forming it again out of new sand. It was a slow process of removing every last grain within the gourd and then replacing it with cleaner sand, sand I had to infuse with my chakra. A ___massive _amount of chakra that I also used to cover my body with a special armor made of that sand. By the end of it all, I was always hungry. Not quite tired, but in need of energy.

So a light snack later and I was sitting in the shade of the small greenhouse, the only one Suna could sustain. The lighting was calming and gentle, making me sigh, content for the moment, running my fingers over a few smooth leafs from a plant. Temari was there, trimming some flowers, and nodded gently from across the way, pouring water over some thirsty-looking lilies. Today was a peaceful day, silent and calming. There weren't many missions and people were staying in from the hot weather, inside their homes where the air was cool and they could melt into their beds instead of clay-like cement. I busied myself by cultivating cacti, just outside of the greenhouse, clipping and straightening, watering and cutting away some weeds.

_Why did he leave again?_

"Why did who leave?" I asked, pausing in my work and looking over at my sister.

"What was that?" Temari asked, glancing up, still lightly caressing some leafs.

"You said something," I said.

"No, I didn't," she muttered, perplexed.

There was a still silence then as I realized that, ___no_, she hadn't said anything. "It must have been in my imagination," I murmured for her benefit. She went back to tending to the herbs as I panicked inside. I ___did _hear something. I was sure of it.

_Why can't I be enough?_

It was a girl's voice, echoing in my mind, wavering in what seemed to be the start of a sob. I stared at my hands, worried I was losing my mind again. I pricked my finger on a small cactus needle, but the sand stopped it, protective as always. So I pinched myself instead. I felt fine. "I'm going to the library," I called to my sister, setting down the things in my hands and walking toward the exit.

"Have fun!" she shouted back.

I could taste the dirt in my mouth as the wind whipped through the streets, another unrelenting storm heavy on the very edges of the village. Very few people were out, and most of them were shinobi, still going about their duties. Some children played beneath the shade of a shop, a small game of cards. I wondered if the library had anything about ghosts, and then froze in shock at the next thing that I heard in my mind.

_Sasuke…kun…_

"Sasuke Uchiha?" I whispered.

I turned and headed toward the Kazekage Building.

~~…~~*~~…~~

"Ah, Gaara, perfect timing," Baki-sensei said the minute I stepped into the building, approaching me, cloaked in the robes the councilmen wore; he held a paper in his hand, having been walking out of the meeting room.

"What is it?" I asked. I'd been planning on searching through the documents on Sasuke Uchiha, limited as they were, intent on finding something that could aide me in my decoding of this puzzling dilemma.

"It seems Konoha is having some trouble," he explained. And I saw the perfect solution right then. Perhaps I could find something on Sasuke there. After all, that ___was _his home and they obviously had more to look through, providing they allowed me to. "The Hokage requests you presence."

"How soon?" It seemed my luck was beginning to change. "Should I alert my siblings as well?"

"You should." He caught my shoulder and turned me toward the exit. "Leave as soon as possible."

As I headed back toward the greenhouse to get Temari, I realized he hadn't told me what the problem was. Not that it particularly mattered. I'd find out soon enough as it was. And it would be a relief from the mundane atmosphere Suna had taken. Some fresh air and color would do us just fine, and Konoha was filled with colorful, brilliant people.

_Leave me alone!_

I stopped dead in my tracks, clutching my head and gritting my teeth, . It was a high shriek in my ears that made me dizzy. Scared me in ways I hadn't been in a long while. I needed to know what this was. Needed to know what the cause was and how to rid myself of it. And I hoped Konohagakure would grant me that.

(g~s~*~s~h)

"___Are you sure?" I asked. The moonlight always did scare me, even in all its cold, translucent touches that never did reach me. It made my white skin look gray, like I was dead, dead but still alive. Like the freak people always made me out to be, long ago when I was still a fragile soul, a child in need of the love that didn't come until much, _much ___later, after insanity had wrenched away my peace of mind. I preferred the sunlight, especially now, streaming through the slight, rounded windows and lighting up the room sparsely, making her seem all the more lively, with her emerald eyes wide and cheeks flushed in her excitement._

"___Positive," she replied, eyes set and back straight. Determined and strong, much like her master. The change in her was amazing, tremendous. I remembered the young girl she used to be, a fierce burning in her pale stained-glass green eyes as she tried to protect the person most important to her with a simple kunai—albeit every bit as aware as I how weak she truly was—the person she was now trying to spite. It was there now, that fire that seemed to brighten up the eyes of every Konoha shinobi I'd ever come across, flaring whenever their comrades are harmed, whenever their village was threatened. And she, when her heart had been broken beyond repair._

"___I trust your judgment," I began, setting aside the brush into a narrow wooden box, a sleek black with red swirls of graceful shapes, a gift from my dear sister, and straightened the documents before me carefully, twisting a cap over the small ink bottle. "And I trust you know what ____you're doing. I just want to make certain that you're absolutely ready for whatever repercussions we may face for this." She did have the habit of heading directly into situations without properly thinking it through._

"___I'm not entirely sure I know what you mean," she murmured, lowering her gaze briefly._

"___I'm aware of your feelings,"—I held up a hand when her eyes snapped back up and her mouth opened to defend herself—"and I understand your reasoning. I will not judge you, no matter what you decide. I'm both honored and regretful you chose me, but I will not deny you this." I slowly bound the papers with a wiry string and slid open a drawer to place them safely within, resolving to finish them later. When I straightened back in my seat, she was there beside me, quick as only a kunoichi can be. I was half unprepared when she threw her arms around my neck and buried her face into my shoulder, relaxing when I felt the cool kiss of her sadness manifested into liquid. I was used to her tears by now, have grown accustomed to her pain, and comforted her whenever she was hurt, which, I hate to admit, was a lot._

"___You do too much for me," she sighed. She pulled back, wiping at her expressive eyes, swirling with emotions too heavy for her to show, and giving me a sad smile. "Thank you, Kazekage-sama."_

"___Gaara," I reminded her softly. "You don't need to be so formal with me."_

_She gave a soft laugh, faint and wistful in the quiet that had enveloped us. "Gaara…" She looked off, straightening her back and curling her hands into fists at her sides, out the window, watching, no doubt, the wrath of the desert lash out about my village, perhaps wondering why it was anyone could find a home here; I was fairly sure I could never explain it, either, shifting beneath my robes and ignoring the familiar pinpricks of sand stuck to my skin. "I can't let him have this," she whispered. "He's taken so much already, and I… I can't…"_

"___You don't need to explain," I breathed, watching her eyes flutter as she, perhaps, remembered a nice memory. "I understand."_

"___Yes," she sighed, a ghost of a smile curving her lips. "I suppose you do."_

(g~s~*~s~h)

I saw it now, with perfect clarity that almost startled me. It was there, right before me, the reason for the "song" and the voice I kept hearing. It all fit perfectly together. I'd found the puzzle pieces and they fit with each other splendidly into a picture that made sense. There was still one piece missing, though, one I couldn't quite find no matter how much I searched. But that was just fine with me, because, as a whole, it didn't really affect the rest of it all. It was a corner piece I could make do without, for it all made sense to me without it.

It was both an immense relief and a vast remorse that filled me. Perhaps I should've seen this before, that time before when she'd spoken of Sasuke Uchiha. There was a dark glint in her eyes, a sadness that was not normal for someone like her to have, and a sort of hardness in her eyes that startled me into a sort of warped sense of sorrow. It had accumulated since then, it seemed, because her eyes now looked haunted, wrapped up in sheets and collapsed upon the ground in a heap of despair and desperation.

___This _was what Konoha was having trouble with.

Sakura Haruno had broken.

~~…~~*~~…~~

******A.N.********: There, now Gaara will officially be a part of this story. I don't think you guys have realized just how important he is, and I'm thinking of stressing that point as well.**

******Forgive me, I'm cruel. I'm rewriting many of the scenes, in future chapters, between Sasuke and Sakura so that their relationship is stronger. I felt like I had lost that a bit as I reread the story (before deciding to fix it) meaning I'll make you more attached. I also think I should've developed Gaara and Sakura's a bit better as well, because they do have a pretty drastic change between the two of them...**

******You ever heard of "soul mates", by the way? That whole concept that there is someone, **_****__**somewhere, **_******out there that was made exactly for you? Keep that in mind.**

******Anyway, please review!**

******Next Chapter********: "So, Sasuke Uchiha deflowered you and disappeared in the morning? How incredibly ungentlemanly of him."**


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